


The Holiday au

by AL0veNeverKn0wn



Category: The 100 (TV), The Holiday (2006)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:34:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 59,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21646858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AL0veNeverKn0wn/pseuds/AL0veNeverKn0wn
Summary: Raven Reyes and Lexa Woods are a little lost in life at the moment. With past relationships weighing them down, they need to get away from it all.Though very ill-advised, they decide to swap lives for a little while. Can new scenery and surprising relationships help them find themselves again. Or will they return unchanged to lives that are looking increasingly lonely?The Holiday, but with two fantastic ships in the starring roles. Clexa and Ranya will be sharing the limelight trying to bring a little Christmas cheer to our festive season.
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 131
Kudos: 148





	1. Merry Bloody Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> So, I really want to write this, not really for you guys (apologies) but for me, I need something to make me feel that Christmas magic.
> 
> Initially I was going to attempt a chapter each day through advent...but I think those goals may be much too lofty for me to achieve, so I am just going to go with it and see what happens.
> 
> If I can bring myself some Christmas Cheer, fantastic, if a few readers out there are equally blessed, then that would be even better!

> “I have found almost everything written about love to be true, Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting” what an extraordinary thought. Personally I’ve not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I a more than willing to believe that Shakespeare had.  
>  I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should, I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “Love is blind”, now that is something I know to be true.  
>  For some, inexplicably, love fades. For others, it is simply lost. But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.  
>  And then there is another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the one that almost kills its victims, it’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert…”

_What a load of BS, why the hell do I keep reading this garbage?!_ Raven flung the magazine across the waiting room back into the haphazard heap of assorted reading materials there for the placation of impatient customers, awaiting the repair of their vehicles. 

Raven knew too well why she kept perusing the self-help sections of magazines, ones which years ago she would not have been caught dead even holding. But she certainly wasn’t ready to admit to herself why she was seemingly inexplicably drawn to those words of consolation for broken hearts.

“Hey little bird.”

The floppy haired man-child sidled into the waiting room with a charming smile on his face. The smile directed at Raven, who, in spite of herself, melted under his gaze.

“Hey Finn, what’s up?”

“I was just coming to see if you’re ready to head down to the pub for our customary Christmas drinks?”

“Yeah, I will be there soon enough, I just finishing up with this engine refit, the customer is going to be needing this baby over the Christmas holidays and I’m going to make her purr.” Raven moved towards the door, back to the car in question. Much to her consternation, Finn followed behind.

“You are always working so hard, when are you going to slum it like the rest of us?”

Raven’s head was now buried deep within the bonnet of a beautiful Subaru, her hands busily working on the last bits to get the car back to perfection. She ignored Finn’s comments, but he persisted making small talk all the time she was working.

“Got something special for you little bird.”

That got Raven’s attention, she was finished with her work anyway. She closed the bonnet and began washing up her hands in the nearby sink.

“Oh, cool, because I got your gift right here.” Hands now sparkling, Raven dug in her desk and removed a perfectly wrapped parcel. She walked back over the the brown eyed boy, offering her gift with an outstretched arm.

Finn’s eyes gleamed and his smile grew to its widest yet, flashing almost every one of his perfect teeth.

“Oh crumbs, babe, I don’t actually have my gift on me, probably back at my house buried in a pile…would you like to know what it is? You are going to look so hot in it”

Ravens heart seemed to find its way into her mouth and she began choking out her words.  
“No Finn, it’s fine. Let’s hope you find it though, I could always use more hot in my life.”

Finn winked at her as he set to work unwrapping the gift. Raven looked on with nervous anticipation analysing every last line of his face, trying to take in his reaction. She was not disappointed, as the gift was unwrapped Finn’s jaw went slack forming a wide O shape, a picture of complete shock.

“Is this an original?…Oh my God, it is signed.”

Finn continued his awed inspection of the programme in his hands. Raven’s eyes twinkled, enjoying the reaction to her gift, she knew it was perfect, it had to be perfect for him.

“1966 original, all the squad have signed it. You’re going to have to hold on tight to that because, I’m sorry Finn, there is no way England is winning another World Cup any time soon.”

“But…how? Where? Seriously, this is amazing Raven you are just the best person ever…nobody can compare to you.” Finn looked up at her with his brown doe eyes, the picture of fawning adoration. Raven face lit up in return, butterflies fluttering wildly in her stomach.

“You remember, when we found that awesome memorabilia place? Well I gave the guy my number to get in touch if ever he got something truly special, looks like he came up with the goods.”

“Oh yeah, yeah I remember that holiday, I distinctly recall you looked absolutely delicious in a little red bikini.”

“You remember the little red bikini?” Raven was practically choking on her tongue.

Finn locked eyes with her his grinned lasciviously and raised one eyebrow. “Oh, I remember everything perfectly.”

Raven was just about to reply when someone called Finn away, apparently the group was heading down to the pub immediately.

“I hate that we can never seem to talk, just you and me.”

Finn was gone just as quickly as he had appeared, like every encounter with the young man, Raven was left alone and reeling.

Raven headed to her locker pulling off her overalls and grabbing her signature red leather bomber. She would head to the pub solo, apparently all the others had gone ahead to the pub already.

“Raven, wait up!”

Raven smiled as Wick closed his own locker and ran after her. Wick was one of her few friends in this place, Finn was the boss’ son so most people were infuriatingly sycophantic in their relationships with him. But Raven had got Wick his job, a decent engineer but nothing to compare with Raven. Still, he was forever grateful for her help in getting him started out. Blonde haired and with and impressive physique, Raven once wondered if there could have been something between them. But who was she kidding, she completely and irrevocably belonged to someone else, someone who actually sounds like they might be waking up.

“Raven, why are you still here?” Wick smiled.

“Oh I was just finishing up some work, apparently I took too long for the others to wait up.” Raven shrugged her shoulders as though her being constantly overlooked was no big deal. Wick joined her and they began the short walk to the pub.

“That’s actually not what I was asking. Raven, why are you still working here?”

Not the kind of conversation that Raven was expecting to have the night before they closed for Christmas holidays. Wick knew her story, so he certainly wasn’t expecting a rehash. True enough after Raven had finished university she wasn’t really expecting to go into this kind of engineering. But Finn and her had been together since college, his Dad’s garage was struggling, she could never say no to Finn.

“Rae…I’m not trying to be unkind. But you could do so much more than this, you are without doubt the smartest person that I know…well smart when it comes to engineering…”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Raven, Finn cheated on you, you guys were meant to be official, hell you had been together for years and then you caught him with Rebecca.”

Raven remembered the day well, she had been working late at the garage, she often did, she was there best mechanic by a country mile and most of the customers were there for her specifically. Even though they had been together for a number of years Finn was never ready to share a living space, Raven didn’t even have a key to his place. She didn’t need it that night though as his door was slightly ajar. The clothes strewn around his house, coupled with the breathy moans ought to have been enough but Raven went right to the bedroom door and flung it open.

Raven shuddered imperceptibly at the memory

“Raven, if that happens, you are meant to go bloody insane, you are meant to shout, throw things, be angry, you are certainly not expected to continue propping up his Father’s company and doing his fucking laundry.”

“Did Finn tell you that I do his laundry? Flipping heck, that was like one time, two at most.” Raven huffed indignantly.

Wick’s eyes were wide, and he blew out a long exasperated breath. “You have it so bad my friend, you do realise he is using you. He knows that you will always be another option if he needs it, that whenever he wants to come crawling back you will welcome him with open arms.”

“Actually he has been making some comments recently…” Raven trailed off, lost in her own thoughts. Their interactions had changed recently, everything feeling that little bit more flirtatious, more intentional. She had caught him more than once looking at her, and when their eyes met he lingered and smiled. Yes, perhaps he had finally come to his senses.

The pub was busy, festively decorated and with a roaring fire in the grate people stood shoulder to shoulder all revelling in Christmas merriment. The sheer mass of people made it difficult to make it over to their group, but it didn’t stop them from hearing them especially not when Finn’s Father stood on a stool and loudly proclaimed to the whole bar.

“Christmas is my favourite time of year, you get to eat and drink lots, you get presents, you get to spend time with family, no work! There really is nothing better. But this year, Christmas is going to be even better, because my family is growing…”

Raven was only half listening to the man give his impromptu and completely uncalled for speech, but most of those gathered had turned to face him just to see what all the noise was about. Raven was still busily scanning the room for Finn who must have gone to the loo or something because really, where was he?

“I am so happy about this news I really needed to share it all with you. My son, my little boy, has finally taken the plunge. That’s right everybody, last night my Finn asked the absolutely stunning Rebecca to be his wife…and she said yes…My little boy is getting hitched!”

Raven could feel the colour drain, not just from her face, but from her whole life. Finn had apparently been summoned by those words life some sort of demonic apparition, his arm flung lazily over his new Fiancee, that charming smile plastered across his pretty-boy face. In the moment his eyes caught Raven’s, who must have looked the very embodiment of desolation. A brief change crossed his face, a quizzical look towards his ex-lover, as though he were entirely perplexed by her disappointment.

Raven did not wait another moment, tears threatening to overwhelm her she turned on her heels and fled from the pub, merry bloody Christmas indeed.


	2. Silences

The car ride home had been silent, if this had been the first instance of such a silence then perhaps she would have thought nothing of it. This was not the first silent journey, indeed she had lost count of how many times they had travelled together, watched tv together, ate together, in complete silence. It wasn’t a companionable silence either, it was heavy with all those words they were not saying to one another. 

The silence of that particular journey had been more ominous still, it was not words which wouldn’t be spoken, it was a silent prelude, the calm before the inevitable storm. The words were going to come, of that they were both certain, but both parties avoided it lacking the necessary energy and courage to fire the first shot.

Lexa awoke on her sprawling bed, alone again, this sleeping arrangement far more commonplace than having company, so much so, she knew sleeping with someone else now would require an adjustment period for her.

“Lexa, babe?” Costia cooed softly from the doorway.

Oh no. Did she really think she could come in and pretend that absolutely nothing had happened? Lexa wouldn’t have thought that she could be more angry, but Costia’s nonchalant greeting was gasoline on Lexa burning anger.

“Don’t Babe me, Costia, your receptionist? Really? Your receptionist? Couldn’t you have at least been a little bit more original?”  
Lexa threw her covers off her bed and jumped to her feet as though ready for a physical confrontation.

“How many times do we have to go over this Lexa, you need to believe me when I tell you that I absolutely did not sleep with her.”  
Costia’s voice remained calm and even, as though they were discussing nothing more interesting than the weather that morning.

“Receptionists do not work at 3 in the morning. Are you suddenly getting important calls from mainland Europe?”

“Lexa, we were pulling an all-nighter, the creative juices were flowing, and she wanted to hang out with us all”

Lexa saw red, most of all she hated liars, she hated that this woman who had known her so long thought she could put one past her. She had taken on greater liars than Costia in court, and not one stood a chance against her sharp mind and fierce inquisitions.  
“There were juices flowing that night Costia, of that, I have no doubt.”

“Really? You speak as if you know something about that issue, which is interesting Lexa because I honestly can’t remember the last time you had that effect on me.”

That one stung, it really did. True enough that they hadn’t been intimate in a while, but yet again Costia managed to lay the fault for that squarely at Lexa’s door. Lexa swallowed hard, shame momentarily eclipsing the anger that she had been feeling.

“Lexa, I’m not even bothered about the sex, or lack thereof, we have been having problems for so long I honestly can’t even remember why we got together in the first place. You want to paint me as the bad guy, but you just ignore all the problems that we have.”

“Costia, it has been stressful, the attempted acquisition of the firm by Nia, the law suit, I’ve been working my fingers to the bone just trying to keep my head above water. I want to be close to you but there has just been so much in the way, you’ve been busy too with your singing. Neither of us have any time spare to put in”

Costia looked scornfully at Lexa, she might sound calm and collected but a glint in her eye belied just how frustrated she was with the entire situation.

“Some of us have had enough time.”

“Is that finally an admission? You did sleep with her then? Get out Costia, I will send you your things by currier, I just want you to get out of my house.”  
Lexa could feel the tightness in her chest, like a belt wrapped around her heart and lungs literally crushing the life out of her. Not quite a panic attack, but this was how she got when intensely distressed. Her hands pressed on her sternum she tried to steady her breaths.

Costia rolled her eyes in response to Lexa’s emotional state, she could never offer her sympathy, the opposite instead was true. It really frustrated her, she could never understand Lexa’s responses. 

“Lexa, look at you, you are about to throw me out of a house that we’ve shared for 2 years. You hardly look even bothered. Can you honestly tell me that I ever meant anything to you?”

“Costia, you know I don’t cry. Why must you constantly bring this up against me? Who are we even kidding here, you are the one who has betrayed me, betrayed us and all that we have had.”

At these words Lexa needed to move, she needed to occupy herself, put her emotions into something physical. She walked into her closet and took out Costia’s luggage, she began emptying the closet of Costia’s clothes.

“Lexa, baby, come on, you don’t really want to do this. You and me can work this out, right?”

Lexa stopped what she was doing and looked into the beautiful eyes of the woman who had held her heart for the past 4 years. Inexplicably she still held on to this sliver of hope, she still wanted to try.

“We can’t have a relationship, with all these lies between us, relationships need trust. Tell me, because I really need to know. Did you sleep with her?”

Costia looked between the luggage and Lexa, never quite meeting her eyes. She bit lightly on her lip for a moment before finally looking at Lexa. Lexa herself was about to begin speaking, offering further entreaties for honesty but Costia began before she could speak again.

“Okay, okay, look Lexa you know how I feel about you, I am crazy about you, you’re one of a kind. But yes, I slept with her, I’ve been sleeping with her. Things weren’t going well between us and she is kind of infatuated with me. It’s hard when someone’s confessing their love for you. I’m absolutely not in that same place, I’m still all for you.”

Leza stood frozen in place, her eyes were still turned towards Costia but they had glazed over. Her brain eventually managed to reconnect with her mouth.

“Been sleeping with her? As in, more than the once?”

Even as she formed the words her body began moving, after all she already had the answer. She zipped up the suitcase now overstuffed with her Girlfriend’s stuff. Or should that be, her Ex-Girlfriend? Ex, definitely in the past now. 

“Baby, baby no, don’t do that, come on we can talk this out.”

Costia reached out to take Lexa’s hand, but Lexa was moving swiftly past her, suitcase in hand towards the door. Without a further glance she through the luggage outside and gestured with her hand for Costia to follow.

“I will have the rest of your things sent to you.”  
There was a complete shift in Costia’s body language now, her eyes had hardened and her top lip had turned upwards in a harsh sneer.

“Fine Lexa, if that is what you want. I know you would like to believe that this is all my fault but let’s look at the facts here, somebody else already wants me, not sure that I can say the same about you.”

Costia always did know what to say, whether for good or ill, she knew how to make her words strike home. This was another perfect example, Lexa felt like she had taken a punch right to her gut. For a moment she actually considered whether letting Costia go was a good idea, did she really expect to ever meet anyone else? Costia had not finished though, absolutely determined to twist the knife as much as she was able.

“I’m not going to apologise for having great sex, when it was quite clear that was not something that you had time or inclination for. So you do you Lexa. Go, work hard, work constantly, and see if somebody else can actually cope with an Ice Queen whose heart isn’t the only thing that is frigid.”

With that Costia left dragging her suitcase behind her, happy to have had the last word.

Lexa closed the door softly behind her, she wanted to be enraged, to be indignant and loud, but actually she just felt lost and a bit sad. She took out her phone and called the only person that she could think of at a time like this.

“Hey Anya.”

“Hey Commander, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure, you’ve not phoned for weeks?”

“Costia’s gone.”

Lexa’s voice was smaller than usual, though it hardly betrayed the depth of emotion that she was feeling in that moment. If it weren’t for her and Anya’s long history together no doubt Anya wouldn’t have realised that she was bothered about it at all.

“Look, you know I am happy, I can’t lie about that, but I am sorry you are hurting over her. She really isn’t worth it.”

“Please Anya can we not right now. You have really no idea, the likelihood of me ever finding someone else is next to none. Literally I am more likely to take a stray bullet to the stomach in some sort of bizarre hunting accident…or assassination attempt gone wrong.”

Anya raucous laugh began echoing into Lexa’s hall.

“Honestly Lexa, you can be so extra sometimes. You are freaking gorgeous and successful how can you possibly think you won’t find someone a million times better than that idiot?”

Lexa didn’t answer her mind was already busy considering all the things that needed doing, she had cases to look through, meetings to schedule, Christmas shopping and now to top it all she would have go through her house and unpick the life that she and Costia had shared.

“Jeese Lexa, I can hear you brain clunking away over the phone. Dude, you need to get away, you need to not throw yourself into work like usual. Get away, take a break and just spend some time on yourself.”

“Anya, that’s crazy, I’m too busy. Also I need to get Costia’s things sorted. Anyway you know spontaneity really isn’t my thing, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Tell you what, I will come-by the house and do the Costia collection, I already know what’s yours, I just need to pick out everything without class put it a bin bag and send it to the dump.”  
“Anya….”

“Joke, Lexa. Seriously though, you were the only indication that the women had any good taste. But I will sort it out for you. That’s what best friends do, even when they’ve been ignored recently in favour of undeserving…”

“Anya, please.” 

All joking aside, Lexa knew that Anya did make a good point, she was long overdue a break. Maybe she should clear her head, take some time to take stock of her life. Yes, perhaps Anya’s idea wasn’t as bad as she first thought.

Lexa finished the call, and stared around her house. More silence, this one seemed somehow louder than all the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping the start is the most difficult bit...well I know i'm not a big fan of endings. But perhaps somewhere in the middle I get into some sort of groove...fingers crossed.
> 
> Oh, I should note. I obviously don't have a beta, and I make tons of mistakes, compiled by writing this far too fast than is actually conducive to good work. But, if you can cope with all that, please read on.


	3. The Swap

Raven drove slowly home, after the disastrous Christmas drinks she wasn’t really feeling in the Christmas mood at all. Now she had 2 weeks of nothingness stretching before her, the absence of work felt oppressive. She opened her windows to let in some of the icy air.

_You can do this Raven, this is just a moment in time, a particularly shit moment…this too shall pass, onwards and upwards_

Raven faintly growled at herself under her breath. She was deeply frustrated, only Finn could do this to her. She used to be so full of swagger, so confident that most thought her a little cocky. She had never done badly on the dating scene either, she knew well that she was attractive and managed to charm many a gay or gal back in the day.

“You need to pull yourself together Raven Reyes.”

She pulled her car into the drive by her quaint little cottage. It was difficult to explain how she had come to live in this quiet little village, in such a quintessentially English house. Truth was she didn’t need much living space when it was just her, and perhaps she had retreated here a little bit. However to her credit there was one major reason that she chose this abode. She had a reasonable garden, and on the other side was a large barn, her garage. This was where she lived in truth, she was never happier than when she was tinkering with this or that.

She opened the large barn doors and drove her classic VW Beetle into its place in the large building. She had a bit of a thing for the classics. Her Beetle was almost looked like it came in a set with the Camper Van beside it. But her true love was the Morgan 4/4 and so it was this car that she began giving a good polish as though she could buff out the depression that she was feeling.

The whole barn was marvellously equipped, she could easily open a little garage here for herself with all the gear that she had. Actually she could whip up practically anything from the comfort of her own home, not that she had been doing a lot of that lately.

The far corner was dedicated to technology, and though she would like to be doing lots of clever stuff on her state-of-the-art computer, truth be told all she had been doing lately was playing an inordinate amount of Fortnite.

She booted up her computer, just for one Battle Royale. 

~~~~~

Lexa had been trawling the internet for some time now, she’d looked at all the various beaches and resorts, filled with Palm trees and turquoise oceans. She imagined herself lazing on said beach, bikini clad, soaking up the sun and just relaxing. The her mind turned to the many other bikini-wearing beachgoers, or even worse couples canoodling in public. Her relaxing imagine began to curdle in her stomach as she envisioned 2 weeks of watching beautiful people, all of whom would be completely unavailable to her.

No, she needed something different, somewhere more inward focused, where she could be at one with herself and not constantly assaulted with reminders of her singleness.

“A fairy tale English cottage set in a tranquil country garden. Snuggle up by an old stone fireplace and enjoy a cup of cocoa. An enchanting oasis of tranquility in a quiet English hamlet, just forty minutes from exciting London.”

Lexa read the words slowly over imagining herself in such a situation. It had been years since she really took a break. There were books she could read, walks she could take. She had never experienced a wintery Christmas and doesn’t everyone dream of a white Christmas? Luckily there was the option for a live chat with the owner, so, without fully thinking things through she took the plunge.

Lexa sat at her computer waiting for a response, she could see that the owner was online, but her messages remained unread. It was probably too much to ask for anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Take that BITCHES!!”

Raven’s character began flossing its way across the screen. Indeed, Raven never felt much better than when she was taking out lesser players in-game. 

“Only 8 left, show me what you got!!”

Raven found herself running inside the virtual circle to make sure she wasn’t unceremoniously ejected from the game. 

BEEP BEEP

Raven ignored the notification, instead lining up another headshot using her sniper’s scope. 

BEEP BEEP

“Another one bites the dust.”

This was Raven’s third game, goodness knows how long she would likely spend on the game that evening. But this sort of catharsis was a good way of forgetting about Fuck boy Finn and his gorgeous fiancé.

BEEP BEEP

Momentarily distracted by the incessant beeping Raven didn’t see the other player who just so happened to be equipped with a grenade. It was a fatal mistake.

“Son of a …”

Raven cursed her demise, but decided that rather than drop back into a new session she really probably find out what all the distractions were about.

Lexa stared at the returned message and wondered whether she would bother to correct the girl, after all if she eventually went through with this thing she would be coming into her home. Better to know now if she is a homophobic asshat and move on if necessary.

Raven sat for minutes, still staring at her computer screen.

“Well fuck me, I didn’t expect that.”

After getting the details that she needed from Lexa and actually managing to find a last minute flight to LA as well as a connection to near Lexa’s home. Raven finally reflected on just how improbable the entirety of this situation was. There was no way anyone in real life would act like this, and yet, for all of her misgivings she kept preparing for this bizarre unplanned trip.

Raven picked up her mobile and tried to phone her best friend, hoping that perhaps she could talk some sense into her. Though, knowing her best friend, that was probably unlikely to happen.  
After 3 missed calls she decided that she seemed stalker-ish enough and instead busied herself in her packing.

For the first time since she graduated university Raven had a sense of blooming hope. She was excited, and she didn’t know what to expect. But she felt finally alive.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Anya, I did it, I’m leaving for England tomorrow… No, I’m not joking with you, you told me to do it and now I am going…you’re going to have to deal with some stuff for me?”

After an intensely aggravating half an hour spent trying to convince Anya that she had indeed done something so completely out-of-character 

Lexa had managed quite well to keep it together as she sorted out everything that she needed to. Now she was still, her suitcase packed, hand luggage sorted, Anya tasked with all the necessaries whilst she was gone. 

She took that moment to reflect on what she had just done. Was it crazy? Yes it was. But as much as Lexa did not make rash decisions she wasn’t about to let herself reflect negatively upon it. Instead she was going to forge ahead.

This would be her most unusual Christmas yet, and as her doubts crept into the corners of her mind she didn’t even realise that for the past 5 hours she had not given Costia, or her heartbreak, a second thought.


	4. Planes, No trains, Some automobiles.

Lexa was meticulously packed for her trip, the downside being that she had not actually slept for the past 50 hours. It wasn’t the first time that she had been without sleep, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last time either. Lexa had always enjoyed work, she had been very focused at school and the art of self-motivation was natural to her. She had graduated from Stanford with a job ready and waiting for her. She would never apologise for being driven, it was the reason for her success. Could she be single-minded, a workaholic? Yes, but she reminded herself that Costia never complained when it came to spending the money that her hard work provided.

Her mood at the moment was slightly more manic than usual, especially as she waited in the airport terminal. Lexa almost needed to be busy, she had been so hyper-focused on goals and work, that she couldn't quite remember how to function without looming deadlines and urgent matter to attend to. This was worsened whenever she had trouble in her personal life. No, Costia was certainly right about many of her complaints, but Lexa did not want to think about what Costia was right about.

Now there was nothing, no distractions, no excuses. She sat down in the little plastic chair and stared straight in front of her. What was going to stop her feeling this almost gaping hole in her chest, or this insidious feeling of dread when she considered her future? Who would put up with her? Who would want her? Was she ready to be alone? The startling reality that she had already achieved much of what she wanted professionally, but her personal life was a complete disaster.

Lexa shook her head trying to disperse the gloomy thoughts. She stood and made her way to the shops, she hadn’t had the time to read a book in years. Yes, that would be a good distraction. She would get lost in a good book.

~~~~~~~~~~

Raven had packed rather frantically. She was overwhelmed with just how impulsive she was being. She remembered a distant time, probably as far back as high school when she was known for her unpredictable, explosive (sometimes literally) personality. 

Raven had been the joker of the group, an untameable and indomitable spirit. That Raven would never have taken any shit, no, she was outspoken and lively. What had happened to her? Raven’s knows all too well that she had lost something of herself along the way, so much so that she wasn’t sure she recognised the girl she had become.

Raven stared into the mirror, she breathed deeply and began splashing cool water on herself. She had time, she could find herself again. _Watch out world Reyes is back._

Raven’s fresh wave of confidence was further bolstered as she took her seat on the plane and saw a rather fantastic set of pearly whites beaming at her. The man was tall, dark-haired and broad chested, she’d describe him as classically handsome if anyone asked. His charming smile offered in her direction settled something within her, no point beating around the bush.

“Hey there, you looking for seat 26 B? It’s right here next to me.”

Raven patted the seat beside her own. Brown eyes unashamedly gave her the once over, as he nodded and prepared to sit down. 

“That’s such a nice jacket, it it boyfriend material?”

Raven laughed at her own joke, the attractive stranger’s smile widened further in approval of her ever-so-corny pick up line. Raven was just reflecting upon how well she was managing the whole situation when she was startled from her revelry by a rather uptight and exceedingly unimpressed looking woman.

“Um, excuse me.” The woman said, offering the pleasantry with as much venom as possible, honestly she was practically spitting. Her voice had a grating nasal quality Raven couldn’t imagine having to listen to it for any length of time.

“I think that you will find you are actually in **my** seat, where I will be sitting, next to **my** husband.”

Ohhh..well that made sense. Raven took another look at the “husband” who had become extremely interested in the overhead luggage compartment and determined to look anywhere other than at Raven. Of course, Raven could always manage to find the idiot of the pack. 

She rolled her eyes as she checked her seat number, Damnit, the woman was indeed correct. Raven attempted to save as much face as possible and gave the woman a tight smile.

“Sorry, looks like you’re right, you two lovebirds enjoy your flight now.”

After trying to include as much sass as humanely possible and affecting a sickeningly sweet voice, emphasising “lovebirds” whilst pointedly looking between the couple. Raven moved off and found her seat a couple of rows away.

She was just thinking of how much she didn’t need idiot men in her life when her phoned buzzed with a message from the person she wanted to hear from least.

The words were more punches to the gut, how could he be so oblivious to her pain? Honestly though, Raven was more annoyed with herself, how could she be so hung up on a guy who like this. He was newly engaged and still he sends a text like that, he was so obviously a complete dick. She quickly changed his contact name to steel her resolve. She was getting over this man-child and she was doing it right now. She drafted her response to the, now, aptly named Fuckboy Finn.

Ok, so, that probably wasn’t the most mature message she could send, but he deserved that, and so much more.

As she put down her phone two elderly ladies came bustling down the aisle of the plane and stopped when they reached Raven.

“Are you our travelling companion?” The first lady inquired smiling brightly at Raven. Ok, so they weren’t exactly the company she had initially hoped for on the flight, but things could certainly be worse.

“Would you like a Sherbet Lemon for take-off my dear?”

Yes, these ladies were probably more Raven’s speed for the time being. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Lexa’s flight was non-eventful, actually she spent most of it catching up on some of the sleep that she had been missing out on the past few nights. 

Her first thoughts upon exiting the plane were not particularly positive. It was much much colder than she had anticipated. Raven had warned her not to expect snow upon her arrival but nothing could quite have prepared her for just how grey the sky was, nor how disappointing the endless drizzle was as it slid down the windows of her taxi.

Her driver was affable enough, but Lexa was in no mood to make small talk. Actually, there was very rarely a time when she felt inclined to talk to strangers about the banalities of the weather or which local sports team was triumphing at any given time. Lexa was quite happy with the silence, unless somebody actually had worthwhile conversation to offer.

The car pulled up outside the most depressing little graveyard. Lexa looked out of her window entirely perplexed. 

“This can’t be the place.” Lexa remarked, completely exasperated. 

“Oh no it’s not, the thing is, the lane here gets narrower as you go up, I’m afraid you will just have to walk the rest of the way.”

Lexa snorted derisively. She had absolutely no intention of getting out of the car, not until it was directly outside her accommodation.

When the car pulled away, leaving her stranded by the aforementioned graveyard Lexa was decidedly bewildered as to how she had been unable to make the driver comply with her wishes. She must be off her game. 

Lexa would not have worn these heels had she known she would be traversing country lanes dragging her multiple suitcases behind her. She made her way down the lane desperately avoiding the many puddles that she encountered on her way. 

After roughly 10 minutes she encountered another human being, apparently this village was not uninhabited. 

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Raven’s Nest Cottage?”

The young woman smiled warmly, but regarded her footwear with obvious confusion.

“Oh, yes you are on the right road, just keep going down here, it’s a fair way though. Why didn’t you drive it?”

Lexa smiled politely and thanked the young woman for the information declining to get involved in explaining the abysmal driver she had apparently been cursed with. Her mood was furthered soured as she noted that the road did not get narrower at all. When she finally did arrive at the cottage there was a very large garage, and multiple cars. What a fantastic beginning. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The bright LA sunshine dazzled Raven as she emerged from the airport, she immediately shrugged off her jacket and fished around in her bag for her aviators. Eyes, now protected sufficiently she took in the blue sky and the bustling streets. Things were looking up for Raven.

Raven took an honest to God yellow cab, yellow, and she spent the entirety of the ride on the edge of her seat. Everywhere she looked there were amazing things to see. She basked in the warmth of the sun upon her face, smiling radiantly.

Raven was actually beginning to think that things absolutely could not get better, but that was before she pulled up outside the house.

It was enormous, absolutely gigantic. The only houses that she had seen like this was back in high school when she used to avidly watch MTV Cribs. She didn’t actually think that anybody lived like this in real life.

Raven felt a brief flash of guilt when she imagined Lexa’s shock at exchanging this mansion for her pokey little cottage, but the moment passed. She certainly wasn’t going to dwell on another’s misfortune when she had, quite literally, hit the jackpot.

There, in the enormous driveway was a Blue Ford Mustang. Obviously not her preferred colour but she was a sucker for American Muscle cars so she thought she might as well take a look.

Before she got close one of the occupants got out of the car, and damn, this woman was far more impressive than the car. Dirty Blonde hair, cheekbones to die for, and features which indicated her heritage was much more interesting than the average white American. Raven certainly appreciated the view, maybe even more than the house and car.

The girl looked at Raven, not aggressively per se, but certainly not with much warmth. Her eyes flickered over Raven, apparently making some sort of assessment. Raven must have passed whatever inner test the blonde had set because, moments later, the girl offered her hand and he gaze softened ever so slightly.

“My name is Anya, Lexa left me with the keys, told me to show you around and make sure that you were settled.” 

Anya gestured towards the door indicating that Raven go before her. Raven noticed that the car still contained a passenger who was consumed by something on her phone and barely responded when Anya let her know she would be going inside now.

The brunette was extremely glad that Lexa had the forethought to have someone meet her upon arrival. Again she felt that prickle of guilt that she hadn't done anything similar for Lexa. That being said, you could practically get lost in Lexa's mansion...that was not going to be a problem at her cottage.

Anya showed her the kitchen, dining room, gym, pool house, cinema suite. If the house was impressive outside it paled in comparison to the inside Raven hadn't been in a house like it. Obviously her host had impeccable taste, nor was she short of money. Each room she saw was better than the last, by the end Raven was practically vibrating with excitement.

The engineer chatted incessantly about how beautiful and, well, big, everything was. She complemented the decor, and waxed lyrical about how awesome she thought the owner must be, and how very much she would like to meet her once they'd swapped back. Anya didn't respond with very many words but she nodded along as Raven joyfully praised every last inch of the property, and her friend.

When they finally arrived at the master bedroom Raven was utterly gobsmacked. Already barefoot, there was nothing stopping her from running and leaping straight into the enormous bed.

"God, you could practically have an eight-some in here, there is that much room."

Raven chirped happily as she spread eagled on the bed burying her head among the bed sheets.

Anya watched from the doorway, the stoney facade having slowly been chipped away by the younger girl's enthusiasm. She had watched with amusement as the brunette had looked around the house, Raven's energy was infectious and Anya couldn't help but enjoy her company. She now stood with a soft smile on her face. Her worries seemed to have been baseless, even though she had misgivings about Lexa's decision to let a stranger in her home, she had to admit that she liked the look of the girl. Perhaps it would all work out.

Anya approached the brunette who had stilled in the middle of the bed. Soon she heard the brunette's relaxed breathing, and saw that her eyes were softly shut. Obviously this pretty young woman had enjoyed plenty enough excitement for one day.

Anya looked at her sleeping face for a moment before deciding to leave. She left the keys and instructions on the bedside table and before she left she remotely closed the blackout blinds, hoping to allow the girl some proper rest.

As she got back into her car, she couldn't help thinking that she wouldn't mind bumping into Raven again. She turned to talk to her black-haired companion who had resolutely stayed in the car the entire time. Unfortunately she was still busy on her phone, holding up a single finger to indicate that she couldn't talk to Anya right now. 

Anya sighed deeply, and pulled the car away from the house.


	5. A Welcome Intrusion

So, Lexa had squeezed herself into the tiny cottage. She had meticulously unpacked all her suitcases, even though she thought there wasn’t any space spare to begin with…somehow she had found room enough. The suitcases themselves she had to put in that big stable like garage, which appeared genuinely more lived in that the rest of the house.

Her favourite thing thus far was the wood-burner, it was with great personal satisfaction that she actually managed to get the thing lit and now there was a roaring fire that was managing to heat the whole house surprisingly well.

She had stacked the books that she had bought right by her bedside. Though she was quite terrified at this point that she would roll out of the bed in the middle of the night. Raven’s bed was barely the size of her childhood bed and it certainly didn’t bare any relation in size to her own spectacular bed which, she didn’t mind telling anyone, was her favourite place in her entire house.

Lexa looked round the kitchen, it wasn’t a lengthy activity considering that she could almost touch both sides of the room with outstretched arms. So instead she busied herself looking out of the kitchen window, yup, it was still raining, but only slightly, was it ever going to stop? Honestly the weather thus far was like a snivelly child incessantly whimpering, could it not just rain properly and be done?

Then it occurred to her, she needed to venture outside. Just like she had managed to start a real honest to goodness fire, she must now go out a forage for some food. And by that, of course, she meant go to whatever local shop she could find and buy as much alcohol and comfort food as she could possibly manage.

Raven had left multiple notes throughout the cottage, some of which were invaluable...others not so helpful. The one she was currently reading specified that though they had agreed to trade cars also, that her cars were more like children to Raven the engineer explained she would rather the house burn down than anything happen to her "babies". Lexa was amused by the girl's protectiveness though she did think the "I know where you live" at the end was possibly a step too far.

Lexa did need a car though so she settled on the smallest...what was with this country and everything being so small? The choice was proven to be the correct one as she ventured out onto the streets. Apparently the Brits didn't feel the need to make adequately sized roads either. 

Lexa's driving was pretty slow and still then she flinched every single time a car passed by in the opposite direction. By the time Lexa arrived at the local shops she was determinedly ignoring the line of traffic that she had managed to create with her rather cautious driving.

Lexa couldn't even remember the last time she'd done grocery shopping like this. She had everything delivered at home, which was a perfect way to make sure that she didn't buy all the ridiculous rubbish that was currently overflowing from her shopping trolley. She comforted herself that it was Christmas, and she had just gone through a break up, therefore, chocolate, ice cream and mince pies should make up the majority of her meals.

The cashier chuckled merrily as she unloaded her goods, "Someone's having a party?" Lexa just smiled and nodded. A party for one, that sounded absolutely delightful...or not.

Deciding to keep in a positive frame of mind, Lexa congratulated herself that the drive back was much more successful. She decide not to speculate whether that was most likely due to the calming effect of the wine that she had opened on her way round the shop...best not to go there.

So now Lexa was back in the house, shopping unpacked, everything straighter, everything exactly as it ought to be. The second bottle of wine was probably better than the first, but then her judgement may be decreasing as that warm fuzzy drunkenness began to set in.

Her slight stupor didn't take away much of the boredom she was feeling though. She found herself constantly struggling against turning into a mopey drunk. But really, what was she thinking coming here? 

She flung herself onto the couch and settled down to watch something on Netflix, she had so many shows she wanted to watch, she could easily spend half an hour indecisively scrolling through the different possibilities, and would probably end up watching something completely random.

As 1am approached Lexa felt that she was sobering up, she had just spent the past 30 minutes looking for flights back to LA, she could quite easily book herself into a hotel and find her way back into the office. She wouldn’t bother Raven, she could stay at her place but there was no way that she was staying here.

First thing tomorrow she would be on her way back home, to put this entire mess behind her.

As Lexa was mentally comparing the different hotels that she could potentially stay at her quiet evening was abruptly interrupted by loud knocking on the front door.

"Raven? Raaaven?? For goodness sake Raven, since when do you lock the front door when I'm coming over? RAVEN?! I swear my nipples are damn near frozen, if they are lost to frostbite I will be transplanting yours, you know I possess the skills...Rave.."

About halfway through this drunken rant Lexa had decided it would probably be prudent to see who was at the door. They certainly sounded as though they were on very close terms with Raven.

As Lexa opened the door the mysteries midnight guest fell straight through the door, nearly taking Lexa down as well. Luckily for the both of them Lexa had enough wits about her to catch the unexpected visitor.

The first thing the Lexa was aware of was the delightful fragrance overwhelming her senses. She couldn't make out a great deal of who her visitor was, however the voluminous blonde curls and soft curves that were now almost nestled in her lap made her reasonably confident that her guest was a woman.

Lexa didn't know quite what to think, when, instead of lifting herself off this stranger seemed to cuddle in to her arms. Now that they were both indoors Lexa could clearly hear the femininity of the sexy husk that her clingy friend spoke with.

"Damn Rae, did you switch perfumes? You smell really good, reaaally good."

Finally the blonde looked up, and Lexa was met with beautiful blue eyes mapping her face. The strangers face quickly changed from a neutral expression to that of deep confusion.

"You aren't Raven?"

Lexa chuckled that finally the young woman had caught on. It still took a few moments more before the girl's body caught up and she jumped out of Lexa's embrace with a shriek. 

"Holy shit! Did I get the wrong house? Oh crap...am I really that wasted??"

Lexa took a moment to observe the girl now that she was far enough away for a proper look. Lexa's gay was almost certainly showing, because this woman was absolutely stunning. The curls almost golden, framing a clear fresh face, and those stunning eyes. Dressed in a form fitting dress and a leather jacket all of which made her look every inch the goddess.

Eventually Lexa did manage to snap out of her revelry and realise that this poor girl was spiralling, she probably ought to interject.

"No, sorry, don't worry, you haven't got the wrong house."

The blonde snapped out of her rambling and fixed her attention completely upon Lexa. Lexa was almost sure that she was being given the once over, but she decided to discount it as wishful thinking.

"Where's Rae then? Are you her date? Have I interrupted your date? Oh, and I cuddled you too, why the hell didn't you stop me? Rae's going to kill me for making a move on her date..."

The blonde's rambling was completely adorable and Lexa could quite happily have watched her attempt to make some sort sense of the situation. But despite her amusement she didn't want the poor girl to worry unnecessarily. 

"No, no, just stay quiet a moment so I can fill you in.

Lexa put her hand on other's arm, and slowly stoked it with her fun. She had no idea what possessed her to initiate such an intimate action, but it did the job. The blonde slowly blinked at her, but remained quiet, it seems Lexa had finally managed to get her attention. 

“Raven is in LA right now, long story short she we swapped houses for the holidays”

“You swapped houses? Do people actually do that?”

“Well apparently so, because I am here, and she is there. Do you mind coming in a little bit more so I can shut the door, this country is just so so cold.”

The blonde slipped past Lexa and situated herself on the couch. She was obviously familiar with the house, and she looked instantly at home. Lexa found herself losing concentration once more as she regarded the, now relaxing, woman.

“She did try and call me yesterday…quite a few times actually. Darn it, I feel completely awful now.”

Lexa was realising that she may not have sobered up and much as she had previously thought. This conversation was bringing back those familiar fuzzy feelings as well as a strange flutterings in her stomach and warmth in her cheeks. She really should not have drunk so much.

“Sorry, I should have said before. Hi, my name is Lexa.”

She held out her hand for the blue-eyed beauty to shake, and enjoyed the ever so soft feeling of the other woman’s skin on her own.

“Pleased to meet you Lexa, my name is Clarke, Raven is my best friend.”

“Clarke?”

Lexa liked the name, it was unusual and it certainly suited the beautiful girl before her. She found herself rolling it around her mouth feeling the consonants and clicking that final K. Lexa had repeated her name several times before the owner of the name began chuckling at her.

“Yeah, I know, it isn’t the most common name, but honestly, I love it!”

“So Clarke” honestly she needed to stop repeating her name “What brings you to my door, well, Raven’s door at so late and hour.”

“Well Lexa…” She put emphasis on her name as though to draw to her attention just how many times she had managed to say Clarke within the last 60 seconds.

“Basically I have been down the local pub, enjoying that fine establishment’s wonderful selection of drinks. Raven knows of my, rather enthusiastic, samplings of the drink menu. She kindly lets me crash here when I go out, saves me money and a possibly awkward Uber drive.”

Lexa nods mutely while Clarke explains how she ended up here at this moment in time, she can’t think of anything other than how glad she is that this woman came in and broke the monotony of her evening.

“Look Lexa, it’s perfectly fine if you say no, you don’t know me and I have just interrupted your holiday enjoyment. However, if there is any chance that I could sleep on the sofa tonight and I swear that I will be gone in the morning before you even get up, promise, all trace of me will be gone.”

At that Clarke gives an absolutely dazzling smile in Lexa’s direction, she obviously knows the power held in that smile. The blonde uses that smile a lot, she can tell, and Lexa imagined that more often that not it resulted in the beauty getting exactly what it was that she wanted.

“Oh, no, you didn’t really interrupt at all. You are more than welcome to stay. Though getting out before me might be more difficult that you imagine, I am going to leave for LA first thing.”

Clarke’s smile turned to bafflement. 

“Sorry, when did you get here?”

“Oh about…10 hours ago.” Lexa replied whilst taking a cursory look at her watch.

“Wow, I mean I know England can be a bit shit…but we’ve really made an impression on you, haven’t we?”

Lexa laughed as Clarke continued smiling at her, willing her to continue in conversation, Lexa was more than happy to oblige.

“No, it’s not England’s fault really…although the weather isn’t doing anything to improve my mood. But really I was just in a bad place, and I came here on a stupid whim. I didn't want to be alone at home, so I thought getting away would help me feel less alone...but surprise surprise alone in the middle of nowhere is pretty lonely. Sorry I'm rambling..."

"No, you aren't rambling, well perhaps you were. But either way it is very endearing."

Again Lexa got the feeling that Clarke's words may be slightly flirtatious. But really, what are the odds that the blonde bombshell that fell onto her lap this evening would also be interested in women? From Lexa's experience the odds are low, very low indeed.

"Well my lovely Lexa, if this is to be your last evening here, we may as well make it a good one. I happen to know that Raven keeps a very well stocked liquor cabinet. In fact I think I keep it mainly stocked. So do you fancy joining me in a glass?"  
Lexa considered her options, if she was honest they both seemed like they had already had enough to drink. Yet the blonde was looking at her hopefully, he head tilted slightly to one side in a questioning expression. She decided to throw caution to the wind, why stop now, this whole holiday was a step into the unknown.

“Sure, I’ll have a glass.”

Clarke stood quickly, and wobbled slightly, but soon righted herself and headed to Raven’s booze. 

“Are you sure Raven won’t mind?”

“Oh don’t worry, I know Raven very well, I don’t think we have any boundaries at all by this point.”

“Is that a gentle way of saying that you came here for a casual hook-up?”

Clarke stopped suddenly glass tumbler and bottle of whiskey in her hands, her cheeks burnt brightly red.

“Oh my God no, no, Rae is basically my sister, even my Mum thinks of her in that way. No absolutely no friends with benefits situation going on here at all. I will admit that she is a wonderful cuddle though if ever I am in need of it.”

Lexa felt bad that she had obviously made Clarke uncomfortable, but the girl seemed to have recovered from the momentary embarrassment as she continued to fix them both a drink.

“You’re not in a relationship, are you” Clarke questioned Lexa.

“Why, do I look as though I wouldn’t be in a relationship?”

The flush returned to Clarke’s cheeks, Lexa couldn’t help thinking that is was a lovely look on her.

“No, sorry, I’m usually better with words than this. I think I was just trying to ask if you were single, but not ask directly…yeah, I failed miserably.”

Lexa laughed at Clarke’s honesty.

“Well, to answer your question, no, not at all.”

Clarkes eyes flicked from Lexa’s eyes down towards her lips. She smiled softly and closed the distance between them, offering the drink she made to Lexa.

“Yeah, I am single too. Not at all, you said? Seems there is a story behind that?”

The whiskey warmed Lexa’s body as she took her first sip, it helped loosen her tongue and inhibitions.

“That’s why I am here, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years…I think 3 days ago. Honestly I’ve slept so little since then I barely know when it was. But yes, I think I might have also had some sort of emotional collapse seeing as I put myself on a plane here, so unbelievably unlike me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, relationships ending, it is never easy. Some part of me wants to thank you though, Raven never goes anywhere these days. But apparently you’ve got her to fly across the Atlantic with only a few words. Really, you can’t imagine how much she needs to be somewhere else, thank you Lexa.”

The air between them felt like it was thickening, she would blame it on the whiskey, yet Lexa couldn’t help but notice that it correlated strongly with how often she caught Clarke biting her bottom lip.

“Oh, don’t worry about Raven, I won’t kick her out or anything, I plan to stay in a hotel when I get back. My friend Anya is also on hand to make sure she knows her way around the house and isn’t overwhelmed.”

“Wow, Lexa, it sounds like you’ve planned everything.” The blonde was moving ever closer, her eye contact becoming more intense. Lexa took another sip of whiskey to settle her nerves.

“Yeah, I am a planner, I like to have a plan.” Lexa felt entirely out of her depth, desperately treading water in a deep sea of beautiful blue eyes, barely staying above the surface. Clarke seemed to be well aware of her predicament as one eyebrow raised just as her smile became slightly more mischievous.

“Do you ever do something, unplanned?”

Clarke’s meaning was in no way subtle. Gently moving forward, Clarke brought one hand to stroke Lexa’s cheek. She never looked away, looking for any sign of discomfort from Lexa. The brunette let out a slow shaky breath and closed her eyes, waiting, Clarke’s smile widened.

Their lips met softly, tenderly, Lexa was not expecting such care. She couldn't remember the last time she was kissed like this. She let out a small sigh despite herself, which then was met with one in return from Clarke. The kiss ended as gently as it had begun, a natural parting, for deep breaths and the recollection of their wits.

Lexa opened her eyes, Clarke was flushed and ever so beautiful. She seemed less confident than before the kiss, slightly shaken and off-balance.

"Wow. Sorry Lexa, I didn't mean to push that on you, but just, wow, you are an amazing kisser."

That broke the tension for Lexa, she let out a derisive laugh and shook her head, as though to banish the fog that kiss had created in her mind.

"I fear there are very few people who would agree with you there."

The blonde too was pulled from her stupor by those words and gave Lexa an almost concerned look.

"What are you on about Lexa? Your lips, they are about the softest, most perfect specimens I have ever encountered. Literally made for kissing."

"Perhaps you haven't sampled enough different options?"

At this a Clarke became coy and obviously uncomfortable. "Yeah, well unfortunately I have quite a wide range of experience in that area in general." Clarke's hand found the back of her own neck and tangled in blonde tresses. 

"Probably more than I'd like to admit...but I still would be happy at having a second taste where you are concerned." 

With that all Clarke's bravado returned and her eyes lingered once again on Lexa's pouty lips. Lexa, however had no such confidence and really was in no mood to make a fool of herself with this bewitching beauty.

“Honestly Clarke, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the girl I was with before made it quite clear that I was decidedly deficient in that area.”

Clarke look as though the comment had been directed at her personally rather than the self deprecation that it was. One eyebrow reached her hairline and and her head moved back from Lexa to get a clearer look into those viridescent eyes. The look Clarke gave, invited further explanation, and even though Lexa knew this wasn’t the conversation you should have with a potential partner she couldn’t help the words spilling from her lips.

“I, well I, err, took too long? That’s what she said. I think I probably wasn’t great in other respects too…which is really embarrassing I mean I’m a lesbian, I should know what feels good, right? By the end well we weren’t really, you know, well actually she was as in turns out, just not with me.”

Clarke looked horrified, Lexa cursed her honesty. Why the hell had she said all that? Why didn’t she just keep her mouth shut, or, better still, engage her lips in more pleasant activities. Who tells a stranger that they are crap in bed, she really was an idiot.

“What a bitch. She for real told you that you took too long? That’s your fault, why? Lexa I don’t mean to belittle your relationship, but from where I am standing, you are an absolute Goddess and I would be more than happy to offer a few hours of worship. Have you ever considered that perhaps she was the problem, not you?”

Lexa smiled broadly at Clarke’s compliments, the girl certainly had a knack of putting people at ease. The brunette suspected that Clarke had enough experience to charm anyone, but she wasn’t concerned with that now. So what if she was one of many, she needed this, she needed to feel good about herself. 

“Well, regardless of who’s at fault, I am sure that I have managed to talk you out of it. Nothing dampens the mood like discussing exes and lacklustre sexual encounters.”

“You think you’re talking me out of it? I am only more invested at making you see how awfully wrong she was. If you want me to show you, that is?”

Lexa gathered all her confidence and leant in close to Clarke, lips ghosting over her neck as she made her way to her ears, where she whispered.

“I’ve wanted nothing else since I opened that door and you fell into my lap.” She gently nibbled on Clarke’s earlobe. Letting go she turned towards the stairs taking the whiskey with her, she made her way to the bedroom.

“Oh Lexa” Clarke purred huskily “you are already so much better than you think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, I am kinda hoping you weren't looking for more...intimate details, to put it bluntly I absolutely suck at it. Well I think I do, I get so embarrassed by my horrific attempts that then I really struggle to edit it because I can't read it back without squirming...true story.
> 
> So I'm kinda going for the hints and implications rather than a blow by blow account...luckily for you all there are plenty of fanfic writers who rock at that kinda stuff.
> 
> So I apologise for any and all of my insufficiencies and I hope you guys are enjoying the story. It will differ slightly from the film...because what would be the point really if I just wrote exactly what was in it. But the general flow will be recognisable and hopefully the changes won't be too disappointing.
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoying this advent season!


	6. Never meet your idols

Raven awoke, never having felt so rested in all her life, she certainly could get used to this bed. Trying her best to navigate through the maze of rooms to get to the kitchen, which definitely was around here somewhere, she did almost a full circuit of the house.

She did eventually manage to stumble upon the elusive room, but it wasn’t until she arrived in the expansive kitchen area and spotted the grocery bags sat upon the counter that she realised. She had passed out while Anya was giving her a tour. The bags of food stood on the countertop was the food that she had bought to get her started. Raven groaned inwardly at having basically fallen unconscious while the gorgeous blonde was showing her around. How embarrassing, what a great first impression. That was just typical Raven, point her in the direction of a hot woman and she’ll make an absolute fool out of herself.

Raven decided not to feel too bad about it, seemed to her that Anya was pretty preoccupied with the girl who had been in her car. She didn’t miss the adoring looks that Anya had given her, even if they were brief. More’s the pity because Raven thought the girl in question didn’t seem deserving of the attention, but perhaps that was Raven being bitter again, who knows.

Raven fixed herself a sandwich and made a mental note to thank Anya if she got the opportunity, the girl had got in some good stuff, it was delicious. 

Raven had absolutely no idea what she was going to do with her time in LA, she hadn’t considered it at all. Honestly she could easily spend her days out by the pool and her nights watching Netflix on Lexa’s TV, which just so happened to be almost as big as her entire living-room. This was the best decision Raven had ever made. Whatever she did with it she was determined that she was going to love every second of it.

Raven’s phone interrupted her chain of thought, she was expecting a call from Clarke. They spoke regularly anyway and she had phoned multiple times to let her know what was happening. Clarke usually returned her calls much quicker than this. As soon as she picked up the call and heard the soft tones through the receiver, she knew it wasn’t Clarke, and she thoroughly regretted not screening the call.

“Hey little bird, where have you flown to?”

Raven seethed inwardly, that nickname had been cute when she was young, but the more Finn used it the more she loathed it. He constantly infantilised her, even though she was much smarter and more capable than him. 

“Hi Finn, I am in LA like I said”

“I am sorry that I am calling you, I really wouldn’t do this if I had any other option. You know you’re like my survival kit, I never could do anything properly without you.”

Finn spoke the truth, she was constantly picking up his messes, particularly at work, the boy was next to useless. Raven really wanted to ignore him and yet there was something within her that responded to his need. She couldn't leave him in the lurch, she never could. Old habits die hard.

"What is it you need Finn?"

"Oh Raven, you are literally the best, nobody even comes close to you. So what it is, we have a customer, I can't figure out how to make the customisations he wants work...I just.."

Raven cut Finn off, it wasn't necessary to hear him detail everything anyway.

"Finn, just send me over the schematics and I'll take a look at it, email is probably best."

"Ok babe, well look out for the email...oh but yeah have fun doing your stuff, it's bloody freezing here, you were right to get away. Just try not to miss me too much, and, you know, we will catch up when you're back."

Raven didn't even get chance to say goodbye before the call was finished. She was left standing in the kitchen disoriented and feeling that wonderful holiday high slipping away from her.

Determined not to let him ruin her day, Raven decided that she would go out and explore her surroundings. Luckily her mood was completely turned around when she found Lexa's garage. From the prim and proper house there was no way that Raven would have guessed that Lexa was into bikes, yet as she straddled the Indian Scout Sixty she realised that her host might just be her most favourite person in the world.

Raven had no place to be, no time restrictions, she was completely free to do entirely as she pleased, so she set off. The bike's engine purring prettily when she opened it up on the freeways. She could not remember the last time she drove for pleasure like this, and machines were her life, her work, her passion. She loved the feeling of wind rushing around her, the way the bike responded to her lightest touch, accelerating beautifully. She felt in control, at this moment in time there was nothing she could not do and nobody who could stand in her way. 

The sun shone down on her, and she wondered how she managed to lose touch with herself so easily. As she rode she rediscovered the joy in her life, it highlighted how long she had been living without it. Raven drove aimlessly, past beaches, bars and malls, she didn’t stop, preferring the experience of riding and soaking in the sights and sounds around her. Eventually she decided she needed to head back to the house, fix herself some food. Maybe, if she was feeling especially productive she might even think about making plans for this holiday, maybe.

As she was nearing Lexa’s home, she noticed a rather exasperated looking woman stood by the side of her car. Ever the chivalrous hero, Raven pulled over and got off the bike to check that everything was okay.

She approached the woman who was tall and quite imposing despite the fact that Raven estimated her age to be well past 70.

"Sorry to disturb you, but I couldn't help notice that you look like perhaps you could use some help?"

The woman's hand scraped at her shortly clipped afro, she had keen eyes and strong jaw, all adding to her aura of self-sufficiency. 

"You noticed that did ya? How come you figured you could help?"

Raven smiled brightly, she loved people with spunk, people that had a strength of character. She loved to push buttons knowing that they could give as good as they got. The engineer felt a connection with this woman immediately, knowing that they could get along well.

"Well I know I am a genius, and I can't resist a lady in need."

The lady let out a barking laugh and her eyes glinted in amusement.

"Well you are a cocky one, aren't you? Right then, think you can help me get this hunk of junk moving?"

The woman gestured towards her car the apparent source of all her present struggles. Raven grinned in response. 

"Well you are in luck my good lady" Raven offered out her hand in greeting. "I am Raven Reyes, engineer extraordinaire, machine magician, fixer of faulty f f, no I can't think of anything beginning with f."

Luckily the woman seemed taken with Raven's ridiculousness and a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips.

"Well Ms Reves, I am Indra Forrester, former lawyer, currently unoccupied and loathing retirement."

Something niggles in the back of her mind and the mention of the name, but couldn't for the life of her, dig the memory out. She resigned herself to shameless Googling the woman later, possibly being a creep on social media.

"Please call me Raven, or better still Rae, I think you and I are made to get along. Well then, let's pop the hood and when I give the thumbs up just try and start it for me."

Indra did as she was instructed, climbing inside the driver's side while Raven opened the hood, sticking her head in for a good look. 

Raven quickly diagnosed the problem; a flat battery. She tsskd in disapproval when Indra revealed that she had no jump leads. Raven closed the hood and stood driver side.

"Right, what I am about to do, will look ridiculous and it may very likely not work. But I don't really want to be pushing your car if I can help it. Stay put and when I ask you to try the ignition if it does manage to fire we're going to have to go for a little drive. I will follow along on the bike."

Indra watched with increasing fascination as Raven sat on the bonnet of her car and began bouncing lightly upon it, eventually she had the whole car rocking up and down. She suddenly slipped off and yelled at Indra to give it a go. The older woman was completely taken aback when the engine roared into life.

They set off driving with Raven following behind, but soon enough the engineer overtook the car and led Indra to an automobile shop that she had noted in her earlier wanderings. She disappeared for quite a while and when she emerged she brought with her quite an assortment of different things.

"Okay Ms Forrester, so I picked up a new battery, obviously, we got you some jump cables, oh and i picked up some oil and stuff because I mean we might as well give her an oil change and a good service, don't you think?"

Indra paused weighing up her young companion.

"Why are you helping so much, surely a pretty young woman like you has many better things to do than fix-up some old birds car?”

“Well, there are so many things I could say to that; firstly, there is nothing I love more than tinkering with, well anything really, I just love to get my hands dirty and figure out inventive solutions. Secondly, age is meaningless when considering what makes good company. Oh, and thirdly, no, I genuinely have nothing better in my life at the moment, but that is a whole other story that I would be best not to bore you with.”

“I think I would very much like to hear any story that you have to tell. Look, you have already refused to let me pay for your time and the parts you have bought, which I am very unhappy about. How about instead, I take you out for dinner to thank you, then perhaps you will have time to let me know all about yourself.”

Indra wagged her finger at the engineer when she chastised her for refusing her money. Raven had indeed refused all offers of payment, she was more than happy to give her time to her new friend. But dinner sounded like a descent trade and she certainly had nothing better to fill her evenings with.

“I never turn down, a beautiful woman’s dinner invitation.”

Indra shook her head, but was still smiling brightly, humouring Raven’s playful banter. They exchanged all the necessary details and phone numbers, Raven was determined to accompany her home, which, funnily enough, turned out to be only a couple of doors down from Lexa’s place.

When Raven finally got back to the house she settled herself on the couch and pulled out her phone. Ignoring the email that she had from Finn she instead typed the name of today’s companion into her search bar.

Plenty of results were found, pictures included, and Raven kicked herself for not having made the connection herself. Oh my God, she’s that Indra Forrester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely sure about this one, but unfortunately if I am to have any hope of keeping near the schedule I've set myself, then I don't think I will have the luxury of always being happy...if that is even attainable for me anyway.


	7. In the Morning Light.

Lexa slowly awoke, her head still slightly foggy from the night before. Looking around the bedroom she couldn't quite place where she was.

Then came the gentle pulling around her waist, soft hands smoothly caressing her abdomen. She heard a murmur muffled by a pillow and turned to see masses of curly blonde hair.

Slowly her mind began to fill in the blanks, she was in England, in a stranger's house, currently in bed with an altogether different stranger entirely. There was absolutely nothing innocent in what the two of them has shared last night either.

Though slow to remember, now she had fully awake her memories were clear and vivid. She would have expected to feel some sort of regret or embarrassment, but as she lay embraced by a woman she did not know at all, she felt lighter than she had in years.

She remembered how her attempts to be seductive had been going surprisingly well as she led the blonde upstairs. The kissing once situated on the bed was nothing like the sweet kiss they had shared downstairs. These kisses were hungry and passionate, they roamed down necks and across clavicles as busy hands removed clothes and caressed skin.

Indeed it was all going extremely well, if only she had remembered her prediction from when she first arrived. She had thought it unlikely that she would stay in the diminutive bed on her own, the probability of falling out of bed obviously doubled the same time that the number of occupants did. So as she rolled Clarke over in the heat of her passion, what she actually did was throw the poor girl over the edge and onto the floor.

Clarke had laughed uproariously at this, if anything it made Lexa even more attracted to her. Her lightness in temperament pulled Lexa from her own tendency to overthink. The fall did nothing whatsoever to dampen their moods and they were instantly back upon one another, multiple times in fact.

The small bed had its advantages as morning came, Clarke was pressed so very close to Lexa and their naked bodies tangled together likes vines hugging the limbs of a tree. Clarke's scent filled her nostrils and she took in a deep breath. As lovely as all this was, she needed to get back to reality. 

Lexa gently removed herself from Clarke's sleepy embrace, apparently the blonde was quite a heavy sleeper and Lexa only hoped she had no need to be up this morning.

Lexa had already re-packed her suitcases the evening before so she had very little to do, other than get herself breakfast and get out of the house. As she busied herself in the kitchen she noticed that, for the first time since her arrival, she could see the sky. It wasn’t the snow that she had been imagining, but there was a coating of frost on the ground and trees. As the winter sun shone the grass twinkled, Lexa smiled to herself, enjoying the irony that the weather had brightened alongside her mood, how very cliche. 

Lexa did not really have the time to be contemplating the weather, despite her whimsical inclination this morning. The brunette was determined to pull herself together, to get back to reality. Whatever had happened last night, whatever contentment she’d felt this morning, she needed to get back on that plane. Get back to her life, so, get breakfast done and then off to the airport. She was completely successful with the toast, and she made plenty, just incase Clarke stirred anytime soon, but the coffee machine was being...difficult. She had checked and double checked all the parts and buttons, it was plugged in, yet it still wasn’t working. After a few frustrating minutes she was seriously considering throwing it out of the window, when a melodious chuckle came from behind her.

"I think you would manage that better if you turned the plug on gorgeous."

Lexa cringed at her stupidity, but tried her best to laugh off her embarrassment as she finally got the coffee going. She offered the plate of toast to Clarke as she took another slice for herself. Clarke showed her obvious familiarity with the house as she produced two mugs and retrieved the sugar from another cupboard, soon enough they both had food and fresh coffee.

As they sat at the table sipping their coffee the air between them became awkward, for the first time since their meeting they lost that easy communication, that wonderful back and forth which had characterised their connection thus far. Neither knew quite how to handle this morning after the wonderful night they had shared.

"Yeah, so, Lexa.." Clarke began, and Lexa knew exactly what was coming, she had the overwhelming desire to silence the blue-eyed beauty with a kiss, but she settled for a much safer option instead.

"Oh no, look, you don't need to do this. I am really grateful for last night, I mean I think we both had a lot of fun, and it really was a pleasure to meet you.."

"It was a pleasure to meet me?" Clarke smiled, "I think we shared the pleasures out pretty evenly last night. Let me say, for the record, I was completely right, and your ex-girlfriend was completely wrong. In fact she was obviously at fault, probably in more ways than one."

Lexa flushed as she remembered her nerves from the night before, nerves definitely that were caused by Costia over the past few years, could this morning be more embarrassing. Though Lexa had felt awkward when the night had begun, pretty terrified that she would make a fool out of herself, Clarke had made all those feelings melt away. Eventually Lexa had become so entranced by Clarke’s gorgeous curves and tender lips, she didn’t have any other conscious thoughts. Costia had made her feel like she was on a clock, but this blonde, she made her completely forget that time existed. Still, now the morning had come, all that was over, and she felt all that vulnerability flooding back.

"Well you were drunk, so I'm not sure how completely we can trust your judgement."

"Hey! I was not that drunk..." Clarke was interrupted by the ringing of her phone, she quickly took it from the table and silenced the ringing. "I can call them back later."

The tension returned once more as they both drained their cups and looked practically anywhere other than at each other. Lexa couldn’t help that sinking feeling that Clarke really didn’t want her to know who was calling, but then again, why would she, they were complete strangers.

“So, I know you’re leaving today, and you’re not looking for anything right now, but I just think you should know, I am kind of in a weird place in my life, a complicated place, which, you know, well it makes this, complicated…”

Lexa hated that blonde seemed to think this was necessary, non of the events last night (though wonderful) has led her to believe that it would be anything more than a single night. Lexa couldn’t place why, but she knew for certain that she would rather Clarke were indifferent this morning. The concern that tinged those blue orbs made Lexa feel oddly off-balance.

“You really don’t need to explain, Clarke, I’m no good with these things myself.”

“I mean, I can tell you for certain that you are absolutely better off without…”

“Okay Clarke”

Clarke look startled at this point, she busied herself with her jacket and finding what few things she had brought with her the night before. If Lexa didn’t know better she might have said that Clarke seemed a little hurt, or perhaps disappointed, but obviously that wasn’t the case. 

“No need to say anymore then?” Clarke headed in the vague direction of the door, but her movements were slow and staccato, soon she doubled back to Lexa. “I just want to make absolutely sure that you are ok, I mean I’ve been in this situation before, and I don’t want to hurt you, I mean you seem so…”

Lexa felt herself getting frustrated, she didn’t want Clarke’s pity, and she did feel comfortable being lumped with whatever other conquests the woman had in the past, it made her stomach twist in ways she had never really experienced before.

“Clarke, relax, I am not going to fall in love with you.”

“Wow, nicely put, I certainly know my place now.” Clarke’s laugh was genuine, her smile broad, no hint of offence. Lexa thought again how absolutely beautiful she was. 

“Sorry I didn’t mean, it isn’t you, I don’t do love like that. Love is a weakness that I can’t really afford. You and I, we’re strangers, we barely even know each other.”

“I don’t know if I would say that Lexa, I feel like I learnt quite a lot about you last night.”

They both exchanged smiles, reminiscing momentarily upon the night that they had shared, evidently it had been special for both of them.

“Look, I know that you’re telling me I’m off the hook, that this can be it, but what if I did want to get in touch, you never know I might be in LA one day, perhaps I could look you up?”

Lexa couldn’t hide her discomfort. She looked away from Clarke, not being able to look into her eyes as she rejected her offer. The suggestion that Clarke might turn up in her real life, set Lexa heart beating faster. Lexa could actually imagine it happening too, she could practically see the golden hair lit up in the LA sunshine. No, she didn’t like the way she was carried away by foolish fantasy, that wasn’t a good idea at all.

“Sorry, that wasn’t the right thing to say, was it? I don’t know Lexa but for some reason I feel like it’s easy to get ahead of myself with you... Look if your flight gets cancelled, or for some reason you change your mind, I’m going to be at the pub tonight having a meal with some friends and you are more than welcome…If not, well I just really want you to know, you are beautiful. Not just physically, which you absolutely are, but just all of you, you’re special.”

Lexa felt warmth flooding the entirety of her body.

“I think you’re pretty special too Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a question for you, do people like a chapter summary? I myself am happy to just read the chapter as is, perhaps if the chapters were longer (mine are extremely short at present) but yeah, thoughts are welcome, or not. Hope you enjoying advent people, I have had an extremely festive day today.  
>   
> Not quite a festive as this, but it did bear some resemblance..


	8. Dinner Date

Raven got herself ready for her dinner date with her new friend, once she had done her research she couldn’t help but feel a little bit intimidated at the prospect of spending an evening with the older woman. Generally speaking Raven didn’t get nervous, but obviously there had to be certain exceptions, this situation was apparently one of them.

The plucky engineer had even phoned to check what she ought to be wearing, after imagining multiple ways in which she might manage to make a fool of herself being inappropriately dressed. She didn't really think it was likely that Indra would take her, evening dress and heels, to a Burger King, but once you've imagined that possibility, it's near impossible not to double check and make absolutely certain. 

Raven was glad she did, she now knew where they were headed, though she had tried to persuade Indra to choose a less upmarket restaurant. She was currently dressed better than she had in years, her hair done, her make-up perfect. Regarding herself in the mirror she was certainly happy with the results. Being an engineer meant most of her time was spent in overalls, grease, grime and oil. As much as she loved that life, it was even more special when she got the opportunity to dress up.

She straightened out the hem of her red lace dress and found her white blazer, both which she couldn't really believe that she had packed. Heels and her bag were over by the door. Now if only she could figure out this front door. 

The house was bang up-to-date in every respect, and Raven thoroughly appreciated it. The door was equipped with a camera and so you could see and talk to someone at the gate without having to let them in first. Absolutely brilliant, except for some reason it didn't seem to be working properly. Raven was a self-proclaimed genius, but this infernal door was going to be the death of her.

In her frustration she mangled the keypad with her fist, which funnily enough did not help one bit. But she really was disappointed when the speaker loudly proclaimed that she had made an outgoing call. Should she be relieved that she knew the person that she was calling? Well she was not relieved at all, because Anya, who she was now ringing, was really one of the last people she wanted to look a fool in front of. 

Raven would privately admit that she did perhaps have an innocent crush on the intimidating and beautiful blonde from a few days ago. Who could blame her? She wasn't blind for goodness sake, and that girl was definitely hot. So, lucky her, as always. 

Raven's good fortune continued, when Anya's face appeared on the screen looking decidedly confused. Confused and hot, or so Raven thought. _Damn did she just always look like that?_

"Raven? Why are you calling? Has something happened? Is something wrong?......What are you wearing?"

Raven flushed almost the colour of her dress, not really sure which question she should tackle first.

"I am really sorry Anya, absolutely nothing is happening or wrong, I just decided to have a disagreement with the front door. Apparently the door won because it called you in as back-up...I'm going out tonight that's why I'm wearing all this stuff."

Raven gestured down her body to indicate the "stuff" that she was wearing. She looked decidedly dejected and was too preoccupied with her own discomfort to notice the way that Anya's eyes followed her hands down and back up her body. Nor did she see the soft intake of breath or slight flush of pink that dusted the cheekbones she so admired. 

"Oh, the door, yes that is an absolute nightmare, Lexa won't admit she set it up wrong and now it is like a foreign dictator.  
While I am on the phone, would it be ok for me to call in tomorrow I'm meant to do some stuff for Lexa and it would be great to do it before she gets back."

Despite her embarrassment Raven brightened at the possibility of seeing Anya again. The grin had overtaken her face before she could even think that concealing her delight might be the better idea. She tried her best to come across nonchalantly, though by that point it was probably a lost cause.

"Oh yeah, sure thing, you can come by whenever you need to...it's not like I don't have the space!"

Raven finally had the courage to actually look at the screen as she prepared to say goodbye to Anya. The dirty blonde seemed to be deep in thought her teeth gently biting at her bottom lip. She eventually looked into Raven's eyes.

"...you look very beautiful Raven, whoever has the pleasure of your company this evening will be absolutely delighted I am sure, they are very lucky indeed. "

Raven was not sure what to make of that, and was still floundering for a response when Anya spoke again.

"I better let you get to them, certainly wouldn't want you late because of me. Good evening Raven."

Anya didn't even wait for Raven's goodbye, the screen went blank. Immediately after the door clicked open, Raven couldn't help thinking that Anya had managed to unlock it remotely. She decided that perhaps the accidental phone call was not the worse thing that could have happened.

Raven had organised to be their driver that evening, she knocked upon the door and did not have to wait long for Indra to answer, she was dressed equally finely. Raven knew her to be 83 now, but she was still resplendent in her green gown and Raven made sure let her know that.

"Honest to goodness my dear, you really are going to have to explain to me how you ended up spending your Christmas holidays flirting with a woman old enough to be your grandmother."

Raven laughed long and loud, she loved Indra's no nonsense approach to life. It was so refreshing after years of working with sycophants and bullshitters.

"I will tell you all soon enough, you have to get a drink inside me before you loosen my lips though. Also, for the record, my Grammie looked nothing like you at 70 let alone 80, and I think beauty should be appreciated at all ages."

Raven gave a cheeky wink and held out her arm to her date for the evening. 

The drive was relatively short, Raven wondered whether she might have made a mistake not going by taxi, then again she probably shouldn't be getting drunk in her present company.

The restaurant was as beautiful as she had anticipated, they were treated with glorious ocean views, the menu was exquisite and the staff couldn't have been more helpful. Raven didn't even want to guess what the cost might be, nothing was printed on the menus. Raven had barely walked past a place as fancy as all this.

"So, you are Indra Forrester?"

"Yes, Raven Reyes, I believe we have already been introduced." Indra's face was the picture of amused puzzlement.

"Yes but what I mean is; you are **the** Indra Forrester."

Ever since Raven had Googled Indra she was beyond angry with herself that she hadn't made the connection on her own. True enough, there are not many people who could name the 5 Justices who voted in favour of equal marriage in Obergefell v. Hodges case. Even fewer people in England, but Raven took personal interest in knowing those people who fought for the rights enjoyed by her and so many people like her.

"I don't think that there is a "the" before my name, just plain Indra, that's me."

"Indra, don't give me all that cheek, I have plenty of friends who are happily married and you played a huge role in making that happen."

Indra allowed herself a small smile, as Raven enthusiastic chattered about LGBTQ+ rights and her appreciation of all those people who had lead the way. The more the engineer spoke, the more animated she became and eventually Indra began to chip in with her own personal recollections, at which point Raven listened in awe.

“So how did you feel when it passed, when you finally knew you had won it?” Raven forwent all table etiquette and leant both elbows on the table, head in her hands peering at Indra.

She was expecting an overjoyed response, excitement and jubilation. She was not expecting Indra’s smile fade, to be replaced instead by a barely disguised heartache.

“It was bitter-sweet for me my dear, Rebecca had died 2 years earlier, and I suppose I had always hoped that we might, well it wasn’t to be.” Indra’s sadness began to lift as she recollected the woman that she had loved so dearly. “Rebecca was stubborn to a fault, she told me she wouldn’t marry me until everyone across the US was afforded the same right.” Indra’s smile was bright, but tears pricked her eyes. “Bloody woman, she certainly kept me motivated to keep going, she was my wife, I don’t care what the law had to say about it.”

Raven just listened quietly and as Indra finished her story and Raven took her hands from across the table.

“Thank you Indra, truly, I am so sorry that you didn’t get to benefit from all your hard work.”

“Oh, now, that is where you misunderstand child, of course I benefit, we all benefit. When people are granted equal rights, it is not merely those previously unrepresented that gain, but the entirety of society. So too when inequality and oppression prevail all people suffer, whether they are aware or not.” 

Raven had not come so far from home expecting to hear such wisdom or be blessed by such wonderful company, she was certainly glad to have been so fortunate though. Indra had not finished with her, not yet. She gently dabbed at her eyes with her napkin and then locked Raven with an uncompromising stare.

“So Raven, time to spill it, what on earth are you doing, in a stranger’s house at Christmas taking out an old woman?”

“Well what I want to say is that I am having a great time, but I don’t think I can pull a fast one on you. You’re too smart for any of that. Well, firstly let me say I put the B in LGBTQ+ so yeah I got a lot of love to share around. But just recently I might have lost my mojo, there’s this guy you see..”

Raven went on to detail the whole sorry affair, the more she spoke the more ashamed she felt about herself. Here she was, sat before a woman who fought for the right for all love to be recognised throughout her entire country, and she was wasting her time and her talent all over this one guy who treated her like she was worthless.

“You know he is a complete idiot, right?”

“Yeah I think I do know that really, but then stupidity likes company am I right?”

Indra did not hide her displeasure at Raven’s comment. The look on her face reminded Raven of when she had first met her, damn this woman could look fearsome. The young engineer felt reprimanded before her date even began her reply.

“Raven, you are a stunning young woman, you have intelligence and humour, you are filled with a kindness I rarely see among people these days. That man has let something so special fall from his grasp, he is truly undeserving. You may have given your heart to the wrong person, but that is all too easy to do. Gather yourself, dust yourself off, see your own worth, and start again.”

Raven smiled at the kind words and let them soothe her wounded pride. She would take those words seriously, she was determined to start again.

The rest of the meal passed with equal enjoyment, they were excellent companions appreciating one another’s lively intellect and passionate conversation. Not to mention that the restaurant was absolutely flawless too, Raven had never passed an evening so pleasantly. The conversation continued on the drive home, and the younger girl insisted that she would walk he date to her door, it was only right.

Bidding each other a good night, Raven made her way back home, still resolved that this holiday would mark a new chapter and better chapter in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Indra wasn't your typical famous person, I dunno, I just felt it fit a little more going forward, but I realise it might be very anti-climactic. 
> 
> If you want to read a little more on the process of marriage equality in the US. We just about beat the US here in England, Scotland and Wales, but it isn't the entirety of the UK, Northern Ireland has consistently voted against same-sex marriages, so in reality I think that means we are behind...sorry, rant over.


	9. For You, I Stay.

Lexa stood in the departure lounge, once more facing a long uncomfortable flight. The past few days were certainly some of the strangest of her life. She couldn't quite wrap her head around how 3 hours ago she was still wrapped in the embrace of a beautiful blonde that she had met only 10 hours ago. Coupled with fact that Costia and all that mess was only...no, she couldn't quite figure out how many hours that was...but it certainly was only double digits.

This wasn't her though, she shook her head, she needed to restore her equilibrium. She was a planner, she was calm and collected, she would go as far to say, she was dispassionate. She wasn't tossed around on the sea of her emotions, giving in to ridiculous romanticism. Yet that was exactly what she had been doing, she really needed to get home, get her head on straight.

Lexa recalled the passion of the night before, surely it wasn't as good as her memory suggested. The alcohol was most likely adding to the experience, couple that with the excitement of doing something (and someone) so far from her comfort zone and likely that was the reason that her recollection was so wonderful. 

Yet even in the awkwardness of their morning encounter Lexa couldn't deny the connection that she felt. The ease of understanding, the warmth of feeling. The alcohol could not be blamed for the feelings that were still churning around the pit of her stomach. She had always been in control of her emotions with Costia, but look how that had turned out.

Perhaps she was being cowardly, there was no need for her to go home now. Actually she was sure that if she were to return home Anya would find out and tease her mercilessly for her mistake. Last night there was absolutely no reason to stay, but this morning there was plenty of reasons in favour of remaining. 

Lexa had never had a holiday fling before, she had never really had casual hook-ups at all. Here was the perfect opportunity to let loose, and if her memory of last night was even half accurate she knew exactly how she could unwind. Clarke had invited her out that evening, it's about time she lived a little.

She walked to the pub from the cottage, luckily Raven had an assortment of torches by her front door, one of her helpful notes cautioned her not to go out without one after 5 unless she "wanted to fall ass over tits into a ditch in the dark." The brunette had already learnt about appropriate footwear so her walk to the pub was much more successful than her first country lane amble. 

The pub was packed, this close to Christmas it was bound to be busy she supposed, still, there was very little space to move at all. The heat from a log burner (which apparently everyone had in this village) combined with the many bodies made for a stifling atmosphere. Lexa quickly set to removing her coat, scarf and gloves. She scanned the masses in an attempt to find the blonde she was looking for.

Eventually her eyes found a table in the far corner, where she spotted familiar blonde tresses. She quietly observed for a while as the blonde chatted animatedly with her friends. Her head tipped back as she laughed loudly, obviously enjoying her company. She might have been tempted not to interrupt, except she noted that every minute or so those blue eyes would quickly scan the crowds. 

She had to make her move especially when, in that moment, another patron tried to remove a chair from next to Clarke. The blonde rather abruptly told them that she was waiting for someone, and Lexa's heart flipped a little in her chest. She approached the table.

"Clarke, I don't mean to be funny, but it doesn't seem all that likely that your girl is going to show."

Lexa caught the comment just as she reached the group. It was one of Clarke's friend, a girl with long dark hair sat cuddled into a very good-looking muscular man with kind brown eyes.

"Hey Clarke, you saved me a seat? Aren't you the sweetest?"

The grin she received from Clarke eclipsed all those she had seen on her thus far. Lexa was sure the smile she offered in return was equally full-hearted. She pulled out the chair that had been saved especially for her and sat down. She noted that Clarke was dressed as beautifully as the day before, this time in a blue blouse, that brought out her eyes, and dress trousers.

Clarke introduced the friends who were gathered around the table, Octavia and Lincoln were the couple that she had noticed as she approached, they apparently were married. Then there was a rather scrawny guy called Jasper next to them. On the other side of Clarke was another couple called Jackson and Miller. 

Conversation was difficult owing to cacophony made by the sheer number of people in the pub. The brunette managed to talk to Lincoln though, who was sat on her left. They covered all the usual topics of a first meeting. Lincoln worked in SCO19 which, Lexa learnt, was like SWAT in America. It was at work that he met his wife Octavia and they had been married for 5 years now. Lexa did not have the opportunity to talk much with Octavia, but she did notice how her husband looked at her in complete adoration. 

Lincoln sketched in his free time, and he noted that Clarke too was an artist in her spare time, which definitely interested Lexa, and she filed the information in her brain for another time. She in turn told Lincoln about her work and her friendship with Anya, how she had met her at law school and then they got a job in the same firm. They talked nothingness about living in their respective countries and tv shows that they watched. The conversation was flowing nicely until Lexa apparently asked the wrong question.

"So how do you and Clarke know each other?"

Lincoln looked to his wife and then to Clarke to, both of whom were busy with their own conversations and unable to come to his aid.  
"Well, I met Clarke through Octavia, Octavia and Clarke go way back, they are family."

Lexa would usually have asked a follow-up question about Clarke and Octavia, but she would have had to be completely unaware not to notice the discomfort that Lincoln was feeling. So she decided to leave the questioning alone, after all she was just a casual acquaintance nobody owed her their life story. She stuck instead with a question that she knew would receive a favourable answer.

“Can I buy you another drink Lincoln?”

Two drink became three, then four and so on and so forth. Clarke had not been lying about the drink menu either. Lexa wasn’t expecting the huge variety that was on offer, nor was she prepared to resist the onslaught of people offering her there’s to take a try. The cardinal rule about mixing drinks had never before been so completely ignored, well not by her anyway. She was, without a doubt, more drunk than she had ever been in her life before.

All that alcohol certainly worked as social lubrication, the entire group was laughing and joking, and singing (absolutely abysmally) together. Lexa couldn’t help but steal glances at Clarke, and she was certain that she caught Clarke looking back at her too a few times. The brunette was absolutely convinced that she was the very epitome of discreet. This was proven not to be the case however when Octavia decided to loudly address the pub.

“OH MY GOD, WILL YOU GUYS GET A ROOM ALREADY.” Lincoln thankfully explained to his wife that they were currently indoors and that she would probably be better using a level of speech that was quieter than a Sunday fish trader. Thankfully Octavia acquiesced.

“You two keep staring at one another, Griffin, don’t think I’ve not seen the heart eyes that you are throwing her way, you can’t fool me, I know all your secret looks.”

Clarke seemed more lucid than the rest of the group, though at this point it wasn’t a very high bar. She gently tugged on Octavia’s arm and whispered in her ear. Lexa would have given anything to know what was said between the two, but it really wasn’t her place anyway. Octavia stared back at her friend, care radiating between them, she pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek and they exchanged a lengthy embrace. When they finally broke apart Clarke approached Lexa.

“Hey gorgeous, I think it might be near time to get you home.”

“But Clarke I am having so much fun, and I never have fun, I am not a fun person, but tonight I am, tonight Clarke I am super fun, don’t you think?

“Yes, Lexa, you are extremely fun, don’t worry I’m sure you can have plenty more fun on your visit.”

They bade goodbye to the group of friends, lots of hugs were exchanged, as well as some stumbling and giggling. A sober Lexa would have been horrified by her overfamiliarity, not to mention her unfiltered commentary on everything that was going on.

“Goodbye Lincoln, my new friend, you look very muscly and a little scary, but you are like a great big puppy dog, all sweet and fluffy”

Luckily for the Lawyer, the rest of the group was mostly as intoxicated as her and there wasn’t much chance that people would remember the fool she made of herself. Just like it was probably a good thing that Lexa herself would not remember Octavia’s parting words to her, so couldn’t speculate what the meaning behind them was.

“Awww Sexy Lexi, it was really good to meet you, you are good people, I hope you have fun with Clarke, it’s a pity really because you fit nicely in the group. Clarke, don’t be too mean, make sure she leaves with a smile on her face.”

Clarke shot Octavia a dark look, and turned a concerned look towards Lexa, both girls completely unaware in their inebriated state, smiling stupidly at each other.

Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers, she helped her with her coat, and made sure her ears were tucked into her hat. Every action was filled with care, missed mostly by those green eyes that were peering into blue.

“You have the prettiest eyes, I don’t think I ever seen anything quite as beautiful.”

“You are quite the charmer, when your defences are down.”

Lexa just smiled back at Clarke and began to play with her hair. Twisting the golden locks around her fingers, Lexa did not appear to be taking any notice whatsoever to Clarke’s words. Lexa was absolutely enraptured, the rest of their company had melted away, now green eyes saw only blue.  
“Your hair is like an angel’s, did you know that? Well, I don’t actually know any angels but if I did know an angel, they would look like you, I’m sure.”

Clarke just laughed, she was by no means sober, but she was in a much better place than the brunette who was pretty tightly cuddled into her space now. 

“Okay pretty lady, let’s get you home safe.”

Clarke lead the way out of the pub, and it was not long before they were enveloped in the darkness of the night. They made their way as best as they could, taking careful steps, though slightly meandering. The cold was intense, but it gave the couple an easy excuse to stay in constant contact, arms flung around one another.

“Torches, stop you, falling over your tits, in ditches”

Lexa herself realised that her words were not quite coming from her mouth as she intended. She looked puzzled, Clarke wasn’t able to offer any suggestions either, completely perplexed as to the brunette’s meaning.

Eventually Lexa fumbled through her pocket and produced the torch that she had used to get to the pub. Clarke caught on as Lexa tried to illuminate their path, though she was only successful in shining the torch's beam into blue eyes.

Blinded by the torchlight Clarke stumbled into Lexa, who certainly didn't have the dexterity of the evening before. They both ended up in a heap, laughing manically at their predicament. 

When their laughter ceased they were still wrapped up in one another, both looking upwards to the clear night sky. The inky black was lit by an impressive host of stars and a crescent moon. Both women were lost momentarily in appreciating the beauty of the heavens.

"Do you like the stars Clarke? I love the stories in the stars. Look how you can see Cassiopeia shining so brightly, and her king beside her. Cepheus was so sad when Hera banished Cassiopeia to the stars for her arrogance, that he cried and begged and pleaded, until the gods allowed him to join her in celestial exile."

Lexa peered at the sky as she recounted the story of the two lovers. Clarke's eyes fell upon soft skin and brown locks, watching intently as plump lips formed the words of their story. Lexa gazed at the enthroned king and queen.

"I can't imagine somebody wanting to be with me so intensely, even after seeing all my flaws."

Clarke softly kissed Lexa's cheek.

"I don't think that needs much imagination at all Lexa."

Clarke pulled Lexa back to her feet and managed to get her back to the cottage without further incident. Once indoors, Clarke dutifully built the fire and warmth began flooding the living room. Tea was her quintessentially English recovery drink for a night out, so she made a cup for herself and for Lexa. As they sat beside the fire, Lexa’s head drifted into Clarke lap and she let out a deep sigh of satisfaction.

“Perhaps it’s time I called a taxi home, I don’t need to trespass on your hospitality anymore.”

Lexa shot up from her reclined position fixing Clarke with the one of the most adorable pouts that she had ever seen, desperation obvious in her pleading.

“You aren’t going to leave me are you Clarke, Clarke don’t leave, I want you to stay Clarke, Clarke is such a great name I love how it sounds on my tongue, Clarrrrke.”

“I think it might be better if I did go though Lexa. Even though you are delightful company.”

“No, please Clarke, please don’t go, please don’t leave me Clarke, I really want you to stay.”

Lexa then pinned Clarke beneath her laying her head on her breast and trying to make her body as heavy as possible. The brunette could feel the drum beat of her heart and then the thrumming laughter as Clarke gave in to her entreaties. 

“Okay Lexa, for you, I will stay.


	10. Guests for Dinner

Raven’s first instincts about Indra were certainly correct, they got on extremely well. Similar no-nonsense attitudes meant that they really clicked and Raven felt that she had a confidante who she could speak to without being afraid that she would be judged harshly. Her own mother was not really a stable fixture in life, and though Abby Griffin had been a very important influence in her life, over the past few years she had been very preoccupied with her own struggles. Indra filled a gap in Raven’s life, a woman with lots of life experience and wisdom, who was willing to take the time to listen to her and give advice. 

Raven had been delighted when Indra suggested meeting some of her friends and had been quick to offer to be the host for dinner.

The engineer's genius was obviously not limited to mechanics and technology she was very proud of her abilities in the kitchen and loved preparing food for people, even though the opportunity to do so had become increasingly infrequent. 

Her morning was spent shopping for food, walking round bustling streets getting fresh produce and watching the multitudes trying to pick out Christmas presents. She would have to do the usual tourist shopping at some point, buying gifts for her friends and family. The thought was not a pleasant one as literally every shop was overflowing, Christmas shoppers elbowing each other fixated on getting whatever item it was that they needed. 

The weather was slightly cooler than it had been, Raven had on a light jacket and jeans. She was certainly enjoying the warm weather though it felt incongruous to be celebrating Christmas without a chill in the air or frosty mornings. There was no forgetting the season though, Christmas lights adorned the streets twinkling merrily, she had passed more than a few houses whose weekly electricity bill would surely rival how much she pays in a year. Still, she did not have to pay the bill, she made a mental note to make sure she came back in an evening so that she could see the lights in all their splendour. 

Soon enough Raven had all the groceries she needed, and a fair few bits and bobs that she didn't need too. She leisurely made her way back to the house, making sure to take her time enjoying all the sights she could along the way.

When she arrived back at the house she was welcomed by a familiar car in the driveway, this time only the driver's seat was occupied by Anya, who appeared to be in a world of her own.

"Anya! I am so sorry, I completely forgot you said you would be coming round. Though honestly I would have expected you to have a key."

The dirty blonde barely concealed a smile as she got out of the car and walked beside Raven to the front door. Though the engineer was frustrated that she had forgotten all about Anya's coming, it was still a very pleasant surprise, made even better by the fact that she had arrived alone this time.

"Don't worry, we never set a time, and I do have a key, but you deserve your privacy Raven, I would never intrude."

"You're welcome in my private place any time."

Raven followed her comment with an exaggerated wink and laughed, as she was generally known to do whenever she made a joke. But then she caught sight of Anya's scarlet face and wide eyes, and she thought perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say to someone as stoic as Anya.

Anya stayed deathly quiet as Raven took her inside, straight to the kitchen to put the food away. Anya automatically began helping as Raven unpacked; putting things in the fridge and the pantry, she, of course, knew where everything should go. After a few minutes of this weird tension between them Raven could take no more.

"So I've actually invited people over, I hope that's okay, I didn't really consider whether it would be or not. Is that going to be a problem with whatever it is you are needing to do?"

"No Raven I don't believe that will be a problem, I certainly wouldn't want to be imposing on your use of the house. Lexa wanted be here as a help to you, not a hindrance. Would you be more comfortable if I left?"

The young engineer noticed that the entire time Anya spoke her eyes were fixed on the shopping, not daring for a moment to lock eyes with Raven. Raven couldn't help thinking how vulnerable she looked, she couldn't quite understand why. Sure, the comment outside could perhaps be offensive if you were a particular type of person she supposed. But Anya didn't strike her that way, if she had thought it would make her uncomfortable she wouldn't have said it. She needed to fix the damage.

"Anya, I know we have only had the briefest of introductions, but I tend to be an instinctual kind of person, I know I like you and I absolutely want you to stay. In fact you have to join the party...I only know one of the people coming myself. Ooh if you stay then I'll double my numbers!"

Anya still did not look up, but Raven was watching closely and she took great pleasure in observing how tension left the blonde's body and her lips made that almost smile which seemed to be so unique to her. It was actually quite scary how proud Raven felt at producing such a minute response, but it was the truth, she felt triumphant.

"You make friends fast Raven. I don't think Lexa has ever had such an occasion in all the time she has lived here."

"So, does that mean I've made you my friend too? And, more importantly, are you going to stay."

The small smile grew wider and finally their eyes met. Raven's heart did a little flip.

"Yes, to both, I suppose."

Raven was expecting Anya to leave her and carry on with whatever errand she was running for Lexa, but after their moment in the kitchen Anya had stated right by her side and they were now preparing to make the food in tandem.

Her home in England didn't afford much space for parties, and she certainly was not used to someone helping her prepare food in the kitchen. She wouldn't have anticipated liking as she did, she'd have thought another person would be in the way. That was not the case at all, preparing food with Anya was endlessly more satisfying than doing the task on her own.

They quickly got into a groove, dividing up the labour, whether it was cutting, peeling, roasting and basting, even washing up as they went along together. Raven had suggested as they started that they certainly ought to be listening to music whilst they worked. Raven swayed her hips to the music singing along when the urge came upon her. Not at all like Anya who carried on as though no music existed at all. Perhaps the brunette might have been self conscious, worried about looking a fool, however, she had caught her budding sous chef giving those very hips some rather appreciative looks. At that point she decided to make sure her dancing was worth looking at, and forgot all about not looking foolish.

"Are you a dessert person Anya?"

"Erm...I guess I like dessert as much as the next person, I've never really thought of it. Why?"

"Well I am an absolute sucker for anything sweet." Raven threw in a wink here, because, why the hell not?

"The thing is though, my friend Clarke is like amazing at baking so I just don't do it. It can't be that hard can it?"

Anya looked as though she was deeply debating whether or not she should say what was on her mind. Raven merely stopped what she was doing and waited patiently until Anya decided to speak up.

“I…well I have a family recipe which is really simple, it’s fresh and light. Also, you could add other elements to it to make it a little more sophisticated.”

Raven was delighted that Anya was offering her a little piece of herself to their gathering. There was something intimate about preparing a family recipe, or so Raven thought, she couldn't wait to have a glimpse into Anya's life. Not having all that they needed on hand Anya did have to head out to get a few extra things, whilst she did so Raven finished off preparing the main dish and a few hors d’oeuvres, because she was feeling particularly fancy. 

The wait for the blonde to return did give Raven some unfortunate space to contemplate, she knew upon meeting Anya that she was attracted to her. She had eyes in her head, and the women was strikingly beautiful. Now that she had spent some time with her, she was absolutely convinced that she was crushing hard on the girl. The realisation wasn't a pleasant one given that she was all but certain Anya had a girlfriend. What was wrong with her? Why did she always want what she couldn’t have? Raven decided to not dwell too much upon her feelings, she didn’t need to do anything about them, barely over a week and they would never see each other again. So what if she had a little crush, no harm in that as long as she didn’t make a move on someone who was already taken.

Anya returned with all she needed to make Sikarni which apparently was a thickened yoghurt, with added spice sweetness and nuts. The yoghurt had to be wrapped in cloth and hung for at least an hour to remove moisture, Raven was fascinated and watched the whole process intently. 

“So I also got the ingredients to make Cardamom, Pistachio and vanilla shortbread.”

“Anya, this all sounds so amazing, you are the master, I will merely sit at your feet and learn.”

It seemed the Blonde was becoming accustomed to Raven’s silliness, this time she rolled her eyes and shoved the brunette lightly with her elbow, before getting out the mixing bowls and preparing the mixture.

“Okay Raven, if you’re going to help, come here and combine the flour with the beaten sugar and butter.”

Now the lawyer had been warned before, that Clarke was the baker, she should have known that any task given to Raven in this particular area might go awry. Anya certainly wasn't expecting the zeal with which Raven beat the mixture, nor did she anticipate how the mixing bowl would be inadequate to contain ingredients which were being so passionately combined. She was unimpressed to have to wipe a fair amount of raw shortbread dough from her right cheek.

Before Raven had time to realise the gravity of her mistake a fist-full off flour came hurtling in her direction, hitting her square in the face.

"Anya!? I didn't know you had it in you."

Raven was bent double laughing, her face and hair evenly coated in a thin layer of the white powder. She remained this way for a moment, still laughing at her misfortune until suddenly she straightened up, her levity had not decreased when she jovially asked for help.

"Shit, good shot, but I'm pretty sure it's gone in my eye a little too well."

Whilst still giggling away, Raven was trying to clear whatever was in her eye, which was now watering, creating tear streaks down her floured face.

Anya cottoned on to her predicament and rushed to her aid with a dampened paper towel. Instructing the patient to look skywards whilst the acting-nurse wiped gently at her eye to remove any foreign flour objects. With one hand cupping her cheek and the other cleansing her eye Anya managed to clear out the flour. But the hand on Ravens cheek remained, gently stroking at her jawline.

Now Raven should be able to see clearly, but she was instead blinded by Anya, all she could see was her face and her eyes which equally engaged in their own eager searching.

"Thanks, I think you got it."

Raven's voice was soft and small, yet it was enough to break through the haze that had descended upon them. Anya stepped away, picking up the mixing bowl and resuming work on her shortbread.

The shortbread filled the kitchen with a most delightful fragrance as it baked, and set their mouths watering in anticipation. The yoghurt was mixed with honey and spices and finished with nuts. Anya managed to plate it into little pots and arrange it in such a way that made the simple dessert look so exotic and enticing. They were quickly finished with all their preparations, which was fortunate given the imminent arrival of the other guests.

“Who is even coming this evening, is it your date from the other night?”

Raven did not miss the tension held in Anya’s jaw when she mentioned Raven’s date, though its appearance certainly did surprise her.

“Yes it’s my date, and her friends.”

Raven watched Anya’s response carefully very interested in the response. She was not disappointed, Anya’s face noticeably soured.

“Raven, I think I had better go, I don’t want to intrude on your date.”

Even as she spoke Anya was grabbing her coat and heading for the door. Whether it was appropriate or not, Raven couldn’t help but feel quite happy that she produced such feelings in the blonde.

“Oh, I was hoping to introduce you, but then surely you know Lexa is practically neighbours with a previous Associate Justice of the supreme court.”

This stopped Anya in her tracks.

“Who are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Indra Forrester, she was my date the other nights, and she lives like round the corner.”

“Indra Forrester lives around the corner, and Lexa didn’t know about it? Well, that’s a little embarrassing.”

Anya paused for a moment wrapping her head around how both her and Lexa had been unaware that such an influential woman in their field lived so close.

“I have met her before of course…but I had no idea.” She again paused, “Raven I don’t mean to judge, of course you can do as you please, of course you can, but, isn’t Indra a little old for you?”

Raven couldn’t have contained her laughter if she had tried. 

“Anya, she’s my friend, also her company is absolutely amazing, I’ve already learnt so many things.”

“No I don’t doubt that, Lexa and I both find her inspirational, she has helped change the landscape of human rights in America, and undoubtedly that will set an example around the world. Sorry Raven I didn’t mean to assume.”  
At that moment the bell rang from the gate, indicating that her guests had arrived.

“Does that mean you’re not going home after all?" Raven asked, her tone teasing. "Come on and help me work this blasted front door.”

The dinner was going really well, Indra had brought quite a few friends, some who had been in a similar line of work to her own, others just good friends that had shared parts of their lives with her. All except herself and Anya were well past 70, and all had many fascinating stories to tell. 

Gustus and his husband Nyko reminisced about moving to San Fransisco, purely with the intention of getting married. The way the two men recounted their no-frills wedding day and the impromptu celebrations that happened afterwards, you could tell that they were still very much in love.

“But I’ve never met a couple more enduring than Rebecca and Indra, that’s a rare kind of love.”   
Gustus turned kind eyes upon Indra who was quietly remembering.

“Can you tell me about her?” Raven ventured tentatively reaching for one of Indra’s hands and smiling kindly at her friend.

“Well, we met our first year of college, and I had never fallen so hard in my life. I can still remember the moment that I saw her dark brown hair pulled into a ponytail and her head stuck in a text book. She was always studying, or working, I’ve never met someone so clever.”

At these words Indra flashed Raven a very knowing look before continuing.

“I don’t really know what her parents were more horrified by, the fact that I was a woman, or the fact that I was black. It would be putting it mildly to say that I never received their blessing.”

The table was silent, every ear tuned to Indra’s resonant voice as she spoke with such genuine affection and love. Raven caught Anya’s eyes and offered her a small smile.

“She certainly kept you on your toes Indra, but Becca was one of the most beautiful people any of us have had the pleasure of meeting. You lawyers certainly need someone like that to keep you in check.”

Gustus winked at the other lawyers amongst them grinning broadly, he was an extremely likeable man despite his almost bear like appearance.

“So Anya, do you have a special someone to keep you in check?”

Anya smiled, whilst Raven grimaced ever so slightly, not slightly enough to be beneath Indra’s notice however.

“I do indeed, I am very much taken by a beautiful actress, I don’t know what she sees in me, but I know I am really lucky indeed.”

Raven tries not to feel too despondent, after all, few could compete with an actress anyway. She instead tried to hide her disappointment with further questions.

“Oh she’s an actress, that makes sense, she is really pretty, even if I did only see her for a moment. Has she been in anything we would recognise?”

“Well, she’s only just starting out, but at the moment she’s got this part in an indie film, so she’s away shooting for that.”

Indra was glancing between the two young women at the table, evidently something particular on her mind, Raven thought that it was probably best if she never found out exactly what that was. But she did rather mysteriously add.

“Her loss is certainly our gain this evening.”

The evening was a complete success, and though Raven might have been a little more comfortable with Anya leaving with all the other guests, sweetheart that she was, she insisted upon helping with the clean-up. Their easy cooperation was just as evident cleaning up as it had been preparing. Raven just couldn't shift hollow feeling in her chest that had settled there after their dinner conversation.

Raven walked her final guest to the door when everything was cleaned up. It then struck her that Anya was meant to be doing something for Lexa and this entire day she had spent side-by-side with Raven.

“Didn’t you have some job to do for Lexa? If you want you could come by again and maybe I could help? It might make the work get done faster.”

Raven mentally slapped herself for seeking out more contact with Anya especially now that it had been confirmed beyond doubt that she was besotted with a gorgeous up-and-coming actress. Stupid big mouth, always getting her into trouble.

“Actually that would be really great, I need to banish a witch, so it’s always good to have company for that.”

Raven certainly would not have guessed that was going to be the job that she was doing for Lexa. But it sounded more interesting than she was anticipating.

“I had such a great time today, I’m going to have to convince Lexa to start throwing dinner parties.”

“Your Sikarni was so good Anya, and with the shortbread it was nothing short of divine.”

“Goodnight Raven”

Anya leant in and gave Raven a soft kiss on the cheek, as they broke apart she surprised the brunette completely by pressing another gentle kiss on the opposite cheek. The second kiss was decidedly longer, so much so that Raven let a gentle breath escape from her lips. The blonde drew back and Raven was certain her cheeks were very flushed, yet it didn’t matter at all as Anya cheeks too were rosey and her eyes were lingering on the very spot her lips had just been.

“Sorry Raven, I shouldn’t have kissed you that second time, and definitely should not have lingered so long.”

Raven’s hand was on her cheek, as though to check she could still feel it, but also because it had yet to stop tingling.

“That’s no problem Anya, don’t worry about it. Drive safely!”

Raven stayed at the door watching the car pull away, with a last wave as it disappeared through the gate. She wished she had not had to say goodbye at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I personally find the holiday skews slightly in favour of the Jude Law/Cameron Diaz and I didn't really want it to be that way, because I do find the Ranya pairing endlessly endearing. However, I hope it still works, don't want it to feel forced in, if that even makes sense.
> 
> So yeah, hopefully people enjoy Ranya too.
> 
> Also, thanks for the comments, I'm happy to hear the story is being enjoyed by more than just myself.


	11. Take Two - The Morning After

Lexa woke feeling like the walking dead. Her head felt as though she had been through several rounds with a heavy weight champion. She had practically no recollection of the night before, nor how she ended up back at the cottage. Her mouth tasted, well, just delightful. She was quite thankful that she was alone in bed actually. She was yet to look in a mirror but it was very doubtful that there would be anything good to see. 

Were it not for her extremely insistent bladder, she would have attempted to hide under the duvet for a good while longer, but needs must and she certainly must get out of bed immediately.  
Lexa rushed inelegantly to the bathroom, then proceeded to not be able to pee properly for a few minutes. Seriously, she was such a mess.

After finally managing to relieve herself, she made her way to the bathroom sink to assess the damage. Her naturally voluminous hair, was quite spectacular to say the least, but she had expected to see the remnant of last night’s make up streaked everywhere like a Jackson Pollock painting, and there was nothing there. In her current state she found the idea that she had removed her make-up last night extremely doubtful, yet apparently that’s exactly what she had done.

Lexa brushed her teeth with extra gusto trying to expunge the stale taste of last night’s revelry. As she was finishing splashing cool water on her face she heard a clanging coming from downstairs.

_What the hell is that? Is there an intruder in the house?_

Lexa went down, well armed with the toothbrush she had just been holding. She tried to keep her footsteps light as she made her way down the stairs, but failed miserably as she caught her foot on the carpet and had to try her best not to loose all control and fall.

The intruder, luckily was not an intruder at all, she was met with that beautiful laugh which she was becoming ever more familiar with. 

“Hey gorgeous, I hope I didn’t wake you. I thought perhaps you might need to have some breakfast inside you after last night, so I took the liberty of making a full English because you’re over here and you need grease after that alcohol. Coffee is on, don’t worry I remembered to switch the plug on.”

Clarke gave a cheeky wink at Lexa, who was still astounded that she was in the kitchen at all, and looking completely the domestic goddess.

“I’ve never drank so much in all my life.” Was the only sentence she could think of.

“Ha Ha, I don’t think anybody has ever drunk quite as much as you did last night. You completely drank Octavia under the table, there are very very few people who can do that, I was extremely impressed.”

Clarke continued busying herself around the kitchen, scrambling some eggs in a pan, turning the sausages that were under the grill, once satisfied that the food was in hand she got a mug and fixed Lexa a coffee, remembering from the day before how she took it. 

Lexa gratefully clutched the warm mug in her hands, she took a deep draught of the bitter liquid, hoping that the caffeine might help revive her addled mind.

“So, last night, did we? I mean, when you came back, were we, you know?”

“Wow, you really were drunk weren’t you? You don’t remember?” Clarke teased Lexa almost tauntingly.

“Clarke, come on, answer my question.”

Clarke eyes flashed in amusement and her cheeky grin blossomed into a beaming smile.

“I can’t refuse you anything. To answer your question; we did not have sex.”

“Oh thank God.” Lexa remarked, her relief palpable. Clarke in response quirked an eyebrow and gave a look of mock indignation. 

“No Clarke, I don’t mean it like that. I just mean thank God because I couldn’t remember, and I wouldn’t like having been with you and have no memory of it. Just refresh my memory, why didn’t we end up, you know, like the night before.”

Clarke resumed her cooking, satisfied that Lexa was not horrified by the idea of them having sex for a second time, well it wouldn’t have been the second time, she couldn’t quite remember the number, let’s just say, a second sexual encounter.

“Well let’s just say this Lex, I am a consent kinda girl, and by the time I got you back in here I’m not sure you could remember your own name let alone consent to having some adult fun.”

Hazy memories of the previous night began appearing on the edges of her brain, trying to work their way back in, the brunette was entirely convinced that she wanted to remember the many way she had made a fool out of herself.

“Oh Clarke, I must’ve been so unattractive, why on earth would you stay and subject yourself to that?”

At this point Clarke stopped cooking and looked directly at Lexa, her blue eyes sparkled with something more than mirth. Lexa felt a wave of affection flood her as the blonde studied her with such care.

“I stayed because you asked me to.”

“I remember now, I didn’t ask, I practically begged. Clarke I am so sorry.” Lexa remembered some of her choice phrases from the night before, throwing herself upon Clarke in every possible respect. Then she remembered the gentlest of touches on her face, across her brow, gentling wiping at her eyes. 

“It was you, wasn’t it? You removed my make-up even?

Clarke look slightly abashed, even though they had done far more intimate things the first night that they met. She turned away from Lexa, choosing not to say anything on the subject, then she began plating up the monstrous breakfast.

The breakfast was exactly what she needed, she was feeling almost entirely herself afterwards, she and Clarke hadn’t said an awful lot while they ate, they were plenty occupied with the food. The silence was broken when Clarke’s phone went off as it had the previous morning.

“Apparently Charlotte is calling.”

Clarke looked half apologetic, half awkward. She said she probably needed to take that call, and then proceeded to take the phone with her outside so that she could have her conversation. Lexa didn’t intend upon overhearing but was still in earshot when Clarke answered the call.

“Hey baby…”

As soon as she heard those words Lexa busied herself in the kitchen, cleaning up after the breakfast, trying her best not to have any thoughts whatsoever about Clarke’s conversation, or who Charlotte was. Pretending all the while that she didn’t care that the blonde was calling someone “baby”. 

Clarke’s phone call wasn’t quick and Lexa watched from the kitchen window as she washed up. Clarke was certainly relaxed and happy as she spoke this Charlotte. Actually Lexa didn’t think she had ever seen that particular smile lighting up Clarke’s face, there was something more, something deeper in her look. Lexa was prepared for Clarke to have other partners, the blonde had never tried to hide that she was very familiar with no-strings sex. However, Lexa felt the awful prickling of jealousy as Clarke chatted happily on the phone. It was ridiculous, she knew that, they did not mean anything to one another, but still, somebody held the blonde’s heart and Lexa felt disappointment cut through her chest.

Clarke finished up her call and came back inside rubbing her hands in an attempt to warm them up.

“Sorry about that, Oh bless you you’ve finished all the clean up, I would have helped you know.”

Lexa felt better as soon as Clarke returned, but she chose not to speculate as to why that was. The Lawyer decided that she was not going waste any further time debating Clarke’s relationships, this holiday was an opportunity for her let loose and not waste her time obsessing over things that she couldn’t change anyway.

“You cooked Clarke, it was the least I could do.”

The blonde gave a charming smile, and took one of Lexa’s hands in hers.

“So I’m just thinking, I have the rest of the day, let’s go out enjoy the dry weather, grab a bit of lunch, get to know one another better, what do you say?”

“But I thought? Didn’t you say that you don’t do second dates? Like, why?”

“Honestly Lexa, you have me intrigued and I am running out of excuses not to get to know you. Aren’t you?”

She knew right then, that she absolutely did want to get to know as much as she could about Clarke.

“That sounds wonderful Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah a little shorter today, but I've kinda planned out each day's worth so sometimes it might be shorter or longer.
> 
> Thanks for the feedback about Ranya, I'm happy to not be alone in the warm fluffy feeling I get from those two.
> 
> Not long until Christmas now, I am not in any way ready...


	12. Fixing for the Future

Raven had a busy day ahead of her, she was spending the morning round at Indra’s servicing her car, she had been meaning to do it since their first meeting so it was important to her that she got it done. After lunch she was meeting Anya back at the house to help her with the de-witching of Lexa’s house, which she was sincerely hoping was not as ominous as it sounded. She wasn’t particularly happy staying in het home if there was some actual occult shit going down, she’d seen Suspiria and as much as she liked Tilda Swinton, that film was messed up.

She couldn’t quite believe how much she had managed to fit in to life over in LA, she didn’t really feel like a tourist at all, most of her time was spent with the people that she had met, just doing life things together. Actually she would go as far to say she had built more of a life over here in the last few days, than she’d had at home for years. Well, excepting the childhood friendships anyway.

Raven picked the shabbiest clothes that she had brought with her, likelihood is that she would get pretty filthy as she worked on Indra’s car. Luckily this was not the first time that she had worked on a car whilst away, the engineer always packed something scruffy just incase the mood took her to do some fixing. She combed through her tangled locks, teasing all the errant hairs into a high ponytail, trying to make sure as much as possible that it wouldn’t be in the way. 

On the way out of the house she grabbed a coffee in a thermos and a banana which was going to have to suffice for breakfast. She wanted to get started as early as possible, otherwise she might not get everything she wanted done before she had agreed to her meeting with Anya. Thankfully Raven had finally gotten her head around the way the door was working, and she was pretty sure how she could make a few adjustments to have it working better than it was ever intended to.]

Indra welcomed Raven into her home with a warm smile, well a warm smile by Indra’s standards, which to all intense a purposes looked like she was barely tolerating the engineer's company. As she welcomed her indoors Indra was collecting her mail and bringing it inside. After a quick scan she threw all the mail directly into the recycling.

“Oh I hate junk mail.”

“hmmm. Indeed. But this is worse than junk mail anyway.”

Clarke had been telling Raven for years that she wasn’t good at respecting normal boundaries, in fact Clarke had yelled it at her numerous times, usually when one of them were naked. For whatever reason, Raven didn’t feel invested in changing. So, Raven thought absolutely nothing of reaching into the recycling to see exactly what it was that was worse than junk mail. Indra had moved straight on into the kitchen and had no idea what her companion had done until she heard her voice coming from the hall.

“Indra what kind of insane person, thinks an award is worse than coupons for bed bath and beyond?”

Indra scoffed loudly, but thankfully didn’t seem in the slightest bit perturbed that Raven had searched through her mail completely uninvited. 

“I’m actually being serious, Indra this is a huge deal, It’s a lifetime achievement award.”

“I know what it is, they have written to me enough times. I simply don’t want an award.”

Apparently the conversation was over before it had really begun, for the first time Raven really hadn’t known what else to say, but she had not given up hope, she was certain to bring it up again if she could.

The pair walked towards Indra’s garage, apparently LA wasn’t shorthand for LArge, because despite having no interest at in cars, Indra’s garage was enormous. It would be advantage to the happy grease monkey though, she could spread out as much as she wanted and not worry at all about being in anyone’s way, or tripping over her own stuff.

Raven had borrowed all the basic tools that she would be needing that day from a nearby garage. She was quite good at charming other mechanics who more than often had never met a woman who knew so much more than them about all things mechanical. Honestly, it even surprised her that they would be willing to part with some tools for a day a just because a pretty girl batted her eyelashes and spoke to them about the different chamber shapes in catalytic converters and the effect that has on the hydrolysis COS. It often worked better than outright flirting, and to be honest she felt safer wowing them were her smarts than letting them think they might have a shot with her.

Changing the oil of a car could be a slightly messy process, but who was she kidding, she loved it. Raven set to work, using the wrench to unscrew the oil filter, because it certainly wasn’t budging by hand. The remaining oil drained into the pan, it was clear that Indra hadn’t done this for a long time, _poor little car_. Raven was busy priming the new filter with fresh oil, when she heard that she had company in the garage.

“Rebecca would’ve like you.”

Raven stood up and wiped her hands on the rags she had brought for the purpose. She wanted to give Indra her undivided attention, feeling that this conversation was probably more important than any other they’d had before.

“She had a mechanical mind like yours, so frustratingly headstrong too, I never could convince her to do as I pleased.”

“What would she have thought about the award Indra?”

Indra laughed in her, harsh, commanding manner. 

“You remind me far too much of her. What would she have said? Hmmm, well I suppose it would be inevitable that I would be going to collect it. She would probably have said something about being present in the community and reminding people that their lives can have a greater purpose. Probably something like that.”

“She sounds like a wise woman. I’m sorry if me reminding you hurts, but still it’s a huge honour to be like someone so special.”

The two women stood stoically side by side, some things can’t really be expressed properly with words. They both took comfort in the presence of the other, glad for the unexpected friend that they had gained. After some time, of peaceful contemplation Raven decided to add.

“You know, if you wanted to go to the awards dinner, I would be absolutely honoured to be able to accompany you.”

“I would like that very much Raven.”

Raven began busying herself with the car, the emotion of the situation making her very glad to have something to occupy herself. Indra watched on, seemingly also glad that what had been said was plenty enough.

The interruption in her flow of work was necessary and very helpful for the both of them, it did however have the unfortunate result of making Raven fall behind. She needed to return the tools and get back to the house to meet with Anya. The engineer hated rushing, another reason her time-management wasn’t the best. Worse still she had to skip lunch to try and make up the time, never a good thing for Raven’s mood, especially after such a scant breakfast.

Yet again when Raven pulled into the driveway of Lexa’s house, she was met with Anya’s car. _Shit, she’s already here_. The brunette had really hoped for the opportunity to clean herself up before Anya arrived, she knew that she must look a complete state, with her baggy clothes, scuffed and worn, hair falling out in places and inevitably streaked with oil across her face and forearms. _Absolutely bloody perfect._

Raven looked briefly in her rearview mirror, that was a mistake, not completely sure what she was expecting to see, except the complete mess that she had already been envisioning. Forlornly she tucked the wild hairs behind her ears and smoothed down her band tee, took one long breath and stepped out of the car.

She must have looked worse than she had anticipated because as Anya met her half-way down the drive she stopped and stood, completely dumbstruck. The blonde didn’t appear to have any shame in her, presumably, judgemental surveyance. Brown eyes slowly took in every inch of Raven from her grease smudged nose, to the cargo work-wear trousers, even taking time to linger on her steel toe capped boots. Raven wondered why she even brought the boots in the first place, she really needed a life outside of engines.

The whole detailed viewing took a few moments, but felt like minutes to Raven, who had been working herself up ever since she saw Anya at the house. When Anya still hadn’t said anything, not even a polite greeting, Raven saw red, embarrassment causing her to lash out.

“Yes, thank you Anya, I am aware I look like shit, you can keep your judgey eyes to yourself!”

Anya’s mouth fell open, but she was still unable to verbalise anything more than partial words. The anger from the brunette seemed to have knocked her completely for six. 

“I, well, no, I mean, I didn’t, wasn’t…”

“Save it Anya, let’s get inside so I can quickly wash up and change my clothes.”

Raven marched away, not turning to see if Anya was following her. Anya did indeed stay rooted to the spot for a few moments, as though the encounter had turned her to stone. Eventually though she shook her head and ran to catch-up to the enraged engineer.

The shower at least provided Raven enough space to reflect that she may have slightly jumped the gun in regards to Anya. It was probably the added dimension of being extremely hungry that had pushed her over the edge into meltdown.

The lawyer was stood in the home theatre when Raven found her, busy taking things down from the shelves that stood on the far side of the room.

“I’m sorry for losing it like that. I didn’t mean to, but sometimes I just get a little bit oversensitive. It is completely understandable that you were looking at me when I came back late, looking a complete state.”

“I think you may have misunderstood me Raven, I did not mean, I wasn’t looking at you like that. Sometimes, I am told, my face can appear displeased, even when that is not the case. I am sincerely sorry that it made you feel bad, I would never mean to do that.”

“Well, you didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it, let’s call it water under the bridge and get along with banishing the witch? I am really very intrigued.”

Anya explained all about the relationship between Lexa and Costia, perhaps without much objectivity. Anya had never liked Costia for her friend, never thought that she was good enough for her, the recap of their relationship probably reflected that fact. Still Costia did end up going behind Lexa’s back to screw her secretary, so why the hell should she hold back her hatred?  
As Anya was reaching the climax of the story, and how Lexa had left for England, Raven chipped in with helpful comments such as; “the bitch”, “what a cow” and “If I were Lexa I would have made a bonfire out of her stuff on the front lawn, and done some sort of ritual dance of catharsis, potentially in very little clothing.”

Anya heartily laughed at all Raven’s comments, obviously appreciating how the brunette was enraged on Lexa’s behalf. Once the story was done they went from room to room clearing out the stuff that was Costia’s, Raven may have been guilty of treating some of the items with a little indelicacy but Anya was careful to make sure she didn’t stray into the realms of criminal damage, no matter how sorely she was tempted.

It was getting late in the afternoon, Raven had been ignoring her stomach since, well since early that morning. It wasn’t unusual for her to work solidly though the day and not stop to eat, even though she knew that it probably wasn’t the best idea. She was emptying the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet in Lexa’s office, when she stood rather too abruptly. Moments later she was wondering how on earth she had ended up on the floor of said office with an extremely agitated Anya looking down on her.

“Oh my God, Raven, are you alright?”

It took a few minutes more for Raven to actually cotton on to what had taken place.

“Sorry, I think I just got a little lightheaded, probably should’ve eaten a little bit more today.”

Anya put her hand on Raven’s shoulder to stop her attempting to get up off the floor.

“What have you eaten today?”

The brunette sighed deeply, knowing that her answer was not going to reflect well upon her but having very little choice other than to tell the truth. She explained how her day had panned out and how there wasn’t much she could have done differently. Raven watched Anya’s face, and knew that she was not convincing her one jot.

“Raven! You must eat! Don’t you know how important you are? You have to take care of yourself. Here you are running around after other people, when you have needs that must be met too…Look at me Raven, you have to promise me now, promise me that you will take care of yourself.”

Raven looked into Anya’s face, her concern, disappointment, frustration all written clear as day. She felt suitably chastised, but also a great warmth spread through her, few people ever called her out on her self-care, or lack thereof. Here was Anya, after knowing her only a matter of days genuinely caring about her well-being.

“I promise.”

The blonde scooped Raven up by her arms and gently lifted her to standing. She didn’t let go either, but led her by the arm into the kitchen.

“I am making you a sandwich Raven, and you will be eating it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Ranya, I think they are my favourite pairing in this story, so far anyway.


	13. Winter walks and Awkward Talks.

Lexa was so relieved that Clarke was driving on this outing of theirs, the thought of getting in a car again and navigating the tiny country lanes almost gave her palpitations. But with Clarke behind the wheel she was able to enjoy the drive, the scenery passing by her window was so decidedly different than what she would see in LA. She was particularly enamoured by the frost which did make all the surrounding sparkle with an ethereal light. Most importantly though, for her, she was able to steal glances at the gorgeous blonde beside her.

The weather had turned decidedly colder since she had arrived there, and the snow that Raven had promised would never come, was now covering roofs and trees, gardens and fields, it added further depth to that frosty wonderland. The sight took Lexa’s breath away, she knew all to well that the largest part of the spell she was under was because of Clarke. She captivated her in a way that nobody else in her life ever had. That fact was sure to worry her when she was alone once more, but right now, in the presence of the object of her affection, well, she could hardly care about anything at all.

Lexa was elated that her looks were not one-sided, but, instead, every few moments the two would catch each other looking and exchange shy smiles, before returning their attention to world outside the car. 

“The world is so beautiful covered in snow, I want to take you for a wintery walk, and then we can grab some lunch and warm up, how does that sound.”

Honestly Clarke could have probably suggested watching paint dry and Lexa still would have nodded her assent gormlessly. But actually the plan she suggested sounded sublime. Snow was not something that she was at all used to, but now she was properly attired for the English countryside she couldn’t get enough of the vastly different pace of life.

They stopped in, what appeared to Lexa to be, the middle of nowhere, a little lay-by allowed Clarke to park, and at the end of a cobbled path there was a rickety looking stile, the only indication that the public were allowed to be roaming around these fields. Lexa made sure her ears were completely covered by her hat as she stepped out into the bitter cold, Clarke too was wearing a hat, but she looked infinitely better than Lexa. He beige beanie was accented with a fluffy brown pom pom, her cheeks starting to tinge pink with the cold, in spite of that fact she was looking far more positive than Lexa felt in that moment.

“It’s so weird coming here without Baloo”

Lexa raised a quizzical eyebrow at her companion, thinking that perhaps she had heard her wrong.

“Baloo is my dog, he’s a Saint Bernard, he loves this walk.”

Lexa found herself picturing Clarke being pulled along by the enormous dog, through the fields, laughing in that jovial way of hers. Somehow the picture didn’t quite fit, something about it felt off, or incomplete. Lexa was glad though to have some extra insight into the mysterious girl who she was spending so much time with. 

They walked hand in hand down the country lanes and around the edges of farmers fields which lay mainly fallow for the winter season. Eventually the came upon a wooded area, which Lexa presumed was Clarke’s intended destination. The snow seemed to dull all sounds of the world around them, all that remained was the soft crunch of their footsteps on the ground. It felt incredibly intimate, walking hands clasped, not another sole around. For the most part they didn’t speak, merely enjoying the gentle peace of one-another’s company. That rapport that they had built conversationally seemed to spill over into an ease of just being with one another, like so many times before Lexa felt that what she had with Clarke was something she had never experienced before.

A stream wove its way through the trees, its edges were becoming icy and were the cold to continue for much longer the entirety of it would soon be still and glassy.

“This is a great spot for welly walks, and building forts, I really love it here.”

Lexa knew very little of either activity, and was certainly not expecting Clarke to, but she did know beauty when she saw it. She readily agreed with Clarke that this was indeed a very special place.

“Thank you for sharing this with me Clarke, I’ve very much enjoyed our walk.”

Perhaps the walk itself ought to have been longer, they were barely out of the car for an hour, yet in that time Lexa had managed to become thoroughly chilled. As they set off and the car began to thaw Lexa took off her gloves and began furiously rubbing her hands together to get them warm.

Clarke smiled at her attempts to get warm, with one hand steering she reached for Lexa’s hand and pushed it under her shirt to the small of her back, hissing as icy fingers met her warm skin.

“You can warm up your hands on me.”

Lexa enjoyed the feel of Clarke's smooth skin against her fingertips and her hands certainly warmed quicker using this method. She did feel bad though, she was literally sucking the heat out of the blonde, who currently was staring at her a mischievous twinkle in her blue eyes.

"My Mum always used to come in from work after a night shift and her hands would be freezing, then she would threaten me with tickles as I was cuddled up in bed."

Clarke smiled fondly at her reminiscing, it struck Lexa how connected she felt to this woman who she knew next to nothing about.

"I've just realised I really don't know anything about you."

"Well Lex, that's what we are about to fix isn't it?"

Again, Clarke knew exactly where she was going, obviously a place she had been a few times before that she wanted to share with Lexa. They pulled in to a restaurant, that looked older than most of the buildings in LA, like it used to be a stately manor for some landed gentry. The interior too fit that theme, everything finished as though she had walked into a Jane Austen novel.

They managed to be seated at a table that was relatively secluded and next to a window which looked out onto the beautiful gardens. It was the kind of romance that Lexa had never been accustomed to, and it began to set her nerves on edge.

They sat opposite each other, Clarke helpfully made some suggestions regarding the menu which were gratefully received given the sheer volume of options.

"So your Mum worked night shift? What was that as?"

Clarke explained how her Mum worked as a doctor, and still did in fact. She explained how stressful her working hours were, but how much her Mum lived for being a surgeon. 

"Did you see much of the hospitals then?

"Obviously not quite enough since I decided to spend all my adult life there too."

Lexa hung on Clarke's every word, enjoying the story of her rebellious teenage years threatening her Mum with a career in art purely for the sake of getting a rise out of her. She could picture the blonde stubbornly refusing to follow her Mum's wishes, headstrong and defiant.

"So you weren't seriously contemplating art?"

"No not really, I do love creating, but i would hate my livelihood to depend upon it, for me it's an outlet, I think if I'd become more serious it would have lost that therapeutic quality for me."

"And how do you like being a surgeon? 

"Good days and bad days, probably like any job, but obviously it's a case of life and death. Sometimes it can be hard to leave it behind when I get home, especially when kids are involved that is a challenge. Also long hours, which can be hard, for, well, for everyone."

The blonde answered all the questions with an easy confidence, constantly smiling sweetly and Lexa who unconsciously leant into her space, her body constantly seeking closer proximity. She was about to follow up with another question but that beautiful husk spoke first.

"Do I not get to know any more about you? We've spoken about me nonstop for the last half an hour?"

Lexa blushed, she was known for being quite direct with her questioning, probably owing to the job that she did. It didn't help either that she generally was quite private and avoided too much prying into her personal life. But here she was with a beautiful woman who wanted to get to know her. She had to do better.

“Ok, so I already told you that I am a partner in this LA law firm…”

“You’re a partner? I’m pretty sure you didn’t tell me that before, aren’t partners usually middle-aged men?”

“Ok, so maybe I didn’t tell you about being a partner, honestly, I’m not sure I am very proud of the way that I have got there. I mean basically I have prioritised work over everything in my life. My ex, she really didn’t appreciate it, and was probably right not to. The only person that I have in my life, is Anya and she works at the firm with me, so that’s probably why.”

Lexa felt her anxiety building, even though Clarke listened with calm compassion, she felt that perhaps she was sharing too much, surely this kind of admission would put anybody off? Yet once she had started sharing with Clarke, those gentle engaging blue eyes pierced her, and she found that she just could not stop the words falling from her mouth.

“I am a singular type of person, I never really have had that knack that some possess, to easily connect with others. I find it difficult to express my emotions, Costia hated that whatever was happening in my life I would not cry, I think to her that meant that I did not have any emotions at all. It is not like that, I have them, but I prefer to keep them to myself. Perhaps at first I willed myself to not show them, but it isn’t something I have control of now, I couldn’t cry if I tried.”

The brunette’s brain was screaming at her to just shut up, she was definitely sharing much more than she should be, she knew from the moment she met the doctor that she had been utterly bewitched. Now, so thoroughly under her spell, she felt panic set it.

“Can’t you talk some more, please.”

The tender smile was replaced with a cheekier variation, that instantly made Lexa feel more at ease.

“Well the first thing you should know about me is I am one of the sappiest people you will ever meet.”

Lexa snort was uncouth, and definitely unbecoming in their delicate surroundings, but she couldn’t help find Clarke hilarious, and be so grateful for her attempts to comfort her. She chided her for lying just to make her feel better.

“I am not trying to make you feel better, honestly, I like weep over the most stupid things. When I chose a birthday card, I only know I’ve got the right one when it makes me cry. So, if it makes you feel better, I will cry enough for the two of us.”

It did make Lexa feel better, actually everything that Clarke did made Lexa feel better, in ways that she never had before. The rest of their lunch was filled with laughter as they just shaped stories of life and love and silly nothingness. The anxiety that the brunette had felt never returned, each minute more that she spent with Clarke made her more happy and comfortable.

They spent time in the gardens walking off their lunch, Clarke took multiple stupid pictures of the two of them, perhaps even a few nice ones also snuck their way onto her phone too. Eventually the daylight was beginning to fade and so the made their way to the car to head back.

Clarke sang along to the radio on her way home and Lexa fell that little bit deeper into whatever hole she had dug for herself here in England. Green eyes drifted closed listening to the rich melodious voice. She was comfortable all-too comfortable, and her emotions once again violently swung away from her control. This was all getting to be too much, too fast. The car came to a stop by the cottage.

“Clarke, thank you so much, for just a wonderful day I’ve really enjoyed it..” The blonde made a move to unfasten her belt.

“Oh, no, really you don’t have to walk me to the door, it’s absolutely freezing outside.”

Clarke stilled, obviously unsure what exactly she should respond with.

“You don’t have to pretend Lexa, you can just say you don’t want me to come in, I’m a big girl I can take it.”

Clarke’s smile was still present, actually Lexa was beginning to wonder if it wasn’t a completely permanent fixture. But still, the brunette perceived a small difference, that little hurt peeking through the winning smile.

“It’s not like that Clarke, I’m just really tired, honestly I was thinking of heading in and having a nap.”

“Okay, sure Lexa, I will play along, pretend like I believe you.”

“Clarke, I leave in no time at all, just this brief moment of being here, and that makes this all really complicated. I’m not sure whether complicated is a good idea for me at the moment.”

That small chink in the beautiful smile grew that little wider, and blue eyes took on a tinge of sadness.

“Okay, I understand” She smiled at Lexa.

Perhaps it was that brief moment of vulnerability that in the moment made Clarke all the more devastatingly beautiful. Lexa could not resist soothing the pain that she had inflicted.

Reaching across the car she took Clarke’s face in her hands, gently pulling her into her waiting lips. The kiss was long and ardent, Lexa wanted to pour out those feelings stuck in her chest. As they broke apart she chased her lips joining them for more, brief, but passionate, kisses.

“You kiss me like that, and don’t expect things to get complicated?”

“You are addictive Clarke, it’s hard not to want more.”

“Well, I mean I was kind of offering more just now, incase you didn’t realise.”

Lexa did not reject Clarke for a second time, she didn’t need to, the blonde seemed to surmise as much from all the words she didn’t say.

“Well okay, it’s back to work for me tomorrow anyway, so you don’t need to be worried about any more drunken intrusions.”

“We’ll sort something out, I mean I will call you, and we can, we’ll do something.”

It seemed that both of them acutely felt the hollowness of those words.


	14. Betrayal

Raven was loving life, there really was no other way to describe how this holiday was going for her. She was feeling more relaxed than she had in years, in fact she was feeling so good about herself that she had even been spending some time in Lexa’s home gym, which was frighteningly well equipped to say the least.

Indra was part of the equation, Raven was a frequent fixture in her home, going round for meals, talking about whatever was on her mind. She had already helped her friend to pick out an outfit for the awards evening. She hoped that Indra was feeling more relaxed about the event, it was the least she could do after Indra had been helping her so much with her own self confidence.

Equally Anya had helped buoy Raven’s spirits, actually it wasn’t equal, who was she kidding. Anya was an enormous part of the change in the engineer’s mood. Anya wasn’t really like anyone that Raven had met before. She was much quieter than any of her friends, which Raven would never have thought she’d like. Raven was boisterous and loud, she loved jokes and singing and dancing, none of which seemed to be Anya. But then, perhaps that was why the lawyer filled a hole in her life, an absence she didn’t even realise existed.

Anya had been nothing short of ruthless in the tongue lashing she had given Raven about the fainting incident. The brunette was shocked to say the least when, after eating the prepared sandwich, she had a very angry Anya in her face. Nobody in her life before had seemed so invested in her taking the proper care of herself. That isn’t to say that they didn’t care, of course they did. Anya however had a very hands on approach to her caring, and she took no shit either.

She had scalded Raven like a little child, which was exactly the point, apparently if Raven didn’t know how to keep her body nourished and looked after then Anya would be absolutely making sure that she was aware of it. So Raven now got regular texts from her friend, usually around meal times making sure that the engineer had made time to eat. As well as meal times, she usually got one of an evening, again, just checking that she was considering going to sleep before the sun rose. 

Every text made Raven smile, perhaps she could have been offended that Anya really thought this was necessary. She had lived on her own for many years, successfully. Actually though, they made her feel cared for, they made her feel like she was important and worth taking care of. She had decided though to be as cheeky as possible in her responses. She took pictures where she could, of her meals. Not the food on a plate, that would be so boring, also how would Anya know that she was actually eating it. Raven took pictures mid-chew, or with the fork half-way to her mouth. She took pictures with sauce still on her chin, Raven tried to be as ridiculous as she possibly could. 

Raven still couldn’t deny her attraction, though she knew it couldn’t ever be reciprocated, but she felt that she had moved past it for the most part. Instead of bemoaning would could never be, she delighted in the friendship that she had been unexpectedly blessed with. It was comforting to know that Anya equally enjoyed her company and was finding more and more opportunities to spend time with her.

This evening Anya was accompanying her to see the Christmas lights, which had been on Raven’s to-do list for quite a while. She didn’t realise just how big it was going to be when she first thought of it though. The brunette had simply enjoyed the lights as she looked around downtown and decided that to make sure she saw them in the dark. Upon mentioning it to Anya it became a completely different thing however. The lawyer apparently very much enjoyed seeing lights, because she had planned out an entire route, the starring attraction being Candy Cane Lane which was 8 blocks of competitive neighbours trying to show who could decorate for Christmas the best, and Raven couldn’t wait.

Raven was getting well-practised at denying the motivations behind her actions. So, right now, as she stood plagued with indecision not able to decide for the life of her what she was going to wear. Obviously the difficulty was because of anticipating the weather, and obviously caring generally what she looked like. It had absolutely nothing to do with her company, of course not. She repeated this mantra as she put on her nicest jeans and made sure her hair at make-up were perfect.

Anya was picking her up, obviously she knew where they were going, what routes to take and so on. For possibly the first time on her trip Raven was waiting for her to arrive, not the other way around. Her nerves increased the longer that she waited, though she pretended not to notice them at all. Finally the blue car came into sight and Raven bounced over to it happily.

“Ready to go Raven?”

“Absolutely, I’m really excited actually, I’m such a big kid.”

Raven had made note that Anya was smiling more frequently, and more obviously. It was a source of great personal pride, Anya’s reserved disposition meant that each joyful expression was an achievement. The brunette often imagined those small responsive smiles when she sent her stupid texts, hoping that they were adorning the face that she was beginning to like so well. 

“You are a big kid, Raven. You look beautiful by the way, I still like you best when you’ve been fixing cars though.”

Raven made a swipe for her shoulder, and laughed lightly.

“Hey, I think I’m rubbing off on you, if you are making jokes about me looking best oil streaked. Be careful though you might hurt my feelings.”

Raven winked and began to climb into the car. Anya looked confused however, and where Raven would have missed the change in expression when they first met, now she noticed it. Perhaps it was an indication of what close attention the brunette paid to her face, but she had become much more familiar with her small expressions and what that meant about how she was feeling. Anya in turn was becoming more open to telling Raven what she was feeling, this was one such occasion.

“I was not joking, I do think you look very beautiful when you are oil streaked, I have yet to see you and not think that you are a very attractive woman.”

Again the blonde managed to leave Raven utterly speechless with her bluntness. Anya spoke as though she were commenting on something as banal as the price of bread at the supermarket, she spoke as though what she was saying was so self evident it shouldn’t even require her comment. 

“Well perhaps you are going a little crazy then, come on, let’s get going, I want to see these lights.”

When they reached their destination Anya turned to Raven and looked at her seriously.

“There is no right way to enjoy the lights, obviously, but I do have my own traditions, so are you happy to drive through, even though the traffic is awful and we will be in the car for quite a while? If you want, we can park up and walk but that’s not how I usually do it.”

Raven chuckled finding it absolutely adorable how seriously the blonde took this particular excursion. Obviously they would do it however she usually did, she was the expert after all. Anya certainly seemed pleased when she told her that she wanted to experience is exactly as was her tradition.

She reached back from the driver’s seat and grabbed a thermos that was on the back seat and she filled two travel mugs with steaming hot chocolate. Then she flipped through her phone and connected to the car’s stereo system, familiar jingles began streaming through the car.

“Okay, so we have our hot chocolate, we’ve got Christmas music, we’re all set Raven.”

The hot chocolate was absolutely delicious, Raven really wanted to know exactly how it had been made because she had honestly never had as perfect as this before. They didn’t really need the warming as you would have done in the UK, but it was such a familiar and typical Christmas tradition that it set the mood wonderfully.

The brunette was not expecting Anya to sing-along to the Christmas music though, she would have staked money on exactly the opposite if she were being truthful. Yet here they were, sat in a car, slowly moving through bombastically decorated houses and Anya was honestly singing along to Diana Decker’s I’m a little Christmas Cracker. Raven was in hysterics, it was all so incongruous with her personality. Anya merely looked at her and smiled enchantingly.

The lights were far more than Raven was expecting, the displays were nothing short of phenomenal, everywhere that you looked there were twinkling lights and moving figurines. Some of the houses obviously had themes, some very tasteful; like forest wonderlands with perfectly lit trees, and deer, owl and other creatures. Others were slightly more ostentatious, the Marvel universe Christmas display was a particularly strange one, but bloody brilliant.

Some of the houses had so many decorations, that the lawn was completely covered, you could have stood an hour trying to see all of the ornaments individually. She was completely awestruck, and her fly-catching gape indicated her feelings perfectly. So wrapped up in all the sights around her, Raven didn’t notice that her companion was studying her, just as carefully as she was studying the lights. Anya took obvious pleasure from Raven’s excitement, just as she had upon their first meeting. 

The traffic was as bad as had been suggested, but it gave them plenty of time to study each individual house. With hot chocolate, Christmas music and one another’s company the time passed by with immense enjoyment. 

“Okay, so we’re nearly through now, I have taken us through this was because now we end up at the Funnel Cake truck.” Anya beamed.

“Funnel Cake? I don’t even know what that is?”

“Oh Raven, it’s amazing, basically it is a cross between a doughnut and churros and there are lots of amazing toppings, It is one of my favourite things, you are going to love it.”

The transformation was complete, Anya had definitely become the big kid now. They parked up and she led Raven to the very festively decorated food truck. They both got different toppings, that way they could share and compare whose was best. Anya was a classic whipped cream and strawberries, whereas Raven went for Ice cream and Oreo. Raven managed to take out her phone and snap a selfie of herself eating the cake with Anya stood unaware in the background. She then sent Anya the picture with the caption "Just an update, I'm eating funnel cake, don't worry I am fed. When Anya received the text she just laughed lightly and rolled her eyes.

They were walking back to the car thoroughly enjoying their sweet treats, when suddenly Anya froze. Raven was confused, not understanding the sudden change in her companion. Her eyes followed her gaze across the street, where there was a couple canoodling, their faces lit by the glowing Christmas lights.

“Ontari?!” Anya choked out.

Raven stayed where she was as Anya crossed the street and made her way across to her girlfriend. She felt her heart break for her friend as she watched the confrontation unfold. Anya was not loud, did not seem angry, but even from this distance you could see the desolation and sadness.

It wasn’t long before Anya was making her way back to Raven, the Ontari having walked away arm in arm with her new partner. All the cheer and happiness of the moments before seemed now melted away. The lawyer entire posture was dejected, she would not meet Raven’s eyes. They returned to her car, Christmas music long forgotten and drove silently back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry this is coming out a bit rushed...on the one hand I want to do it, and it is going to be rushed I know that...but i think if the quality gets so bad that it is unreadable...well here's hoping that you guys let me know.


	15. Double Trouble

Lexa had spent the last 3 hours unable to think of anything other than Clarke, why the hell had she not invited her in? It made no sense to her now that she was sat alone in Raven’s living room. Yes, she did understand the complications, but honestly, it was probably too late for that anyway. The moment that Lexa turned around in the airport she had made her decision. Perhaps it was more the fear that Clarke didn’t feel similarly, or that lingering suspicion that actually Clarke might already be in a relationship that was more serious that she had led Lexa to believe. After all she had never anticipated that Costia would cheat on her, she didn’t seem to be that sort of person at all. Maybe it was Lexa who brought it out in people? 

There was one thing of which Lexa was completely sure, her favourite time was spent with the blonde, it was the only time that she felt she wasn’t plagued by insecurities. Clarke set her at ease and that was what she needed, that was what this holiday was about, consequences be damned.

Clarke had given Lexa all her details the morning after their first encounter “just in case.” It seemed like a good idea to drop in on her and try to make amends for having turned her away earlier that day. Lexa went all out, her hair, her make-up, the dress she chose, going all-in on trying to impress, she grabbed a bottle of wine too on her way out of the house.

Clarke’s home was obviously bigger than Raven’s, though it would be quite difficult not to be, it didn’t have the same charm as the cottage, but Lexa felt it suited Clarke somehow. She was dressed far better than the occasion demanded, and her knuckles were white clutching the bottle of wine. Hopefully it would all be well received by the object of her affection. She quickly made her way up the drive flinching at the cold. She rapped loudly on the front door while she admired the beautiful Christmas wreath that adorned it. 

“So I was at home, thinking only of you, so I decided, not to deny myself the very thing I know I want.”

The words had been out of her mouth before the door had even fully been opened. Now she stood grinning stupidly as before her stood an extremely uncomfortable looking Clarke. The smile that Lexa was so convinced never left the blonde’s lips certainly wasn’t there anymore, she looked frankly horrified.

“Now isn’t really a good time.”

Clarke pulled the door hard against her body obscuring Lexa’s view of anything that lay beyond. The blonde attempted a small smile but her eyes were still wide in panic. 

“Oh shit, you aren’t alone are you?”

The doctor’s grimacing face told Lexa all she needed to know, she absolutely was not alone, and Lexa had turned up on her doorstep making an absolute fool of herself. Thoughts were whizzing through her mind, she was not able to focus on any single one clearly.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry, I’m going, this is completely fine, I’m just so stupid. Right, okay, I’m going, I’m sorry, what an idiot.”

The brunette was absolutely not fine, and her fluster made that more than obvious to Clarke, who now looked concerned by her response, as though torn between action and inaction, not able to make a decision either way.

Lexa was turning to leave when the door was forced a little more ajar and a little face appeared by Clarke’s hip.

“Mummy who is it?”

Mummy?! Oh holy crap, Lexa was a home wrecker, she had inadvertently started tearing apart a family. She was absolutely spiralling now, should she go, should she stay? Obviously the child had seen her, but that didn’t mean anything right?

“MUM! Where have you gone? I need you, MMUUUUUMY!”

Another voice, it only got worse, this time a little boy, much younger than his sister who was obviously distressed that his mother had left the room.

His distress sprung Clarke into action, she picked the youngster up and brought him to her hip. Cuddling him and shushing to calm him down.

“Aden, baby, Mummy left the room for two minutes, just to answer the door.”

“I missed you Mummy, I thought you had gone.”

Lexa’s heart melted in spite of her dread at the unfolding situation. The boy was absolutely adorable, he shared his Mum’s blue eyes and shaggy hair, though it was a little darker than his Mothers. Clarke was giving him her full attention trying to reassure the toddler that he had absolutely nothing to worry about it.

“Mummy, who is it?” The older sister pointed at Lexa.

“Charlotte, don’t be rude baby, this is my friend Lexa, Lexa this is Charlotte my daughter, and this little monkey holding on here, his name is Aden.”

Clarke looked to Lexa with pleading eyes, and Lexa couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Whatever the situation she had put herself into, the kids definitely weren’t at fault. she needed to get a grip of her reactions make sure that they felt happy with her arrival.

"Hello Charlotte, Hello Aden, it's a pleasure to meet you, are you guys having a nice cosy night at home with Mum?"

“Yes we are about to get super duper cosy. Mum, can Lexa have some hot chocolate with us.”

She looked up at her Mum with pleading eyes, not realising at all how flustered both the adults were. Clarke made up her mind quickly considering the unexpectedness of the situation.

“Lexa, we are about to have hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies, would you like to join us?”

Her gentle blue eyes sought emerald ones in a silent entreaty and Lexa just couldn't find it in herself to say no, even when convinced it was exactly what she should be doing. 

"I love hot chocolate Charlotte."

"Yay! Mummy, may we have marshmallows and squirty cream."

"Marshmallows!" Aden cried.

"Okay pumpkin, can you find the marshmallow with Aden they're in the larder."  
Charlotte held out her hand for Aden to hold grinning from ear to ear as they scampered off towards the kitchen. Clarke and   
Lexa were left alone momentarily. Those blue orbs seemed full of guilt, and Lexa was filled with foreboding.   
"Clarke, tell me quickly what I've walked in on? Are you married, is Daddy about to come home? Divorced? Seriously Clarke I need to be prepared."

Lexa couldn't help the anger that was lacing her voice as she spoke. Knowing that someone isn't looking for a relationship is one thing, but being unintentionally involved in cheating on someone, that was not Lexa's thing at all. 

"I'm a widow actually. So no, I don't think he'll be walking in."

The moment the words left her lips Lexa realised that it was sadness, not guilt in her eyes. All her panicking ceased, she wanted nothing more than to take back the words she had spoken hastily, to offer some sort of condolence without sounding trite or perfunctory. The doctor decided to take pity on her as she was floundering, unable to think of an adequate response to this new information.

"I'm glad you like hot chocolate."

The blonde made her way into the kitchen and Lexa dutifully followed behind. As soon as they entered Aden was pulling on Clarke's shirt to be picked up once more, the hot chocolate was duly made with one hand whilst the other was busy holding her son.  
Lexa wasn't experienced with children at all, but she had always imagined having them at some point in her life, it just hadn't worked out that way so far.

"How old are you Charlotte?"

Charlotte grinned at her, the smile very familiar to Lexa as a gapped teeth version of her Mother's. She seemed to be brimming with energy.

"I am five." She held up 5 fingers and the stuck out the index finger on her other hand to about half way. "But really I am five and three quarters so that means that I will almost be six soon."

"You'll be six soon? Wow, you are a really big girl then. I bet you help your Mum all the time don't you?"

"Yeah I am super helpful, and I'm a really great big sister."

Clarke was chuckling softly as she continued making the drinks, indicating that perhaps she wasn't always super helpful and maybe sometimes could be a rather reluctant big sister too.  
"So you're off school for Christmas, are you excited?"

"I am so so excited for Christmas, I saw Santa at our school fair and I told him everything I wanted."  
"That's so great, did Aden tell Santa too?"   
At the mention of his name Aden clung ever closer to his Mum, put he peered his little head over her shoulder to look at Lexa.

"No Aden was too scared to talk to Santa, so now there's no presents for Aden."

"I want, present" cried Aden unhappily.  
"Shhh baby, you're going to get a present, we wrote a letter to Santa remember? Charlie, don't wind up your brother."

Charlotte gave a mischievous little grin but said nothing more. Clarke finished up the hot chocolate and they sat round the table with their drinks.  
Lexa took her hot chocolate and sipped it gratefully, purposefully neglecting to avoid the cream, a large dollop of which was now sitting on her nose. Aden was the first to notice.  
"Cream, on your nose!" He giggled pointing at Lexa.

"Who? Me?" Lexa feigned ignorance. 

Charlotte joined in on the giggling now. Both of them sounding joyful in a way unique to small children.  
"You have lots of cream on the end of your nose."  
Lexa wiped it off on a napkin laid in front of her. "Thank you, I wouldn't want to look really silly."

They all settled down to enjoy their drinks, Clarke catching her eye, with a look so filled with sincere warmth that it made butterflies erupt in Lexa's stomach. 

"Mummy, can we sing Christmas songs?" Charlotte asked politely as her request was seconded by Aden shouting Rudolph over and over extremely enthusiastically. 

They all sang through Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer twice and Lexa assumed that if it was up to Aden they would have sung it through many more times.

"Mummy, now sing the silly Christmas one"  
Clarke was instantly bright red, which she tried to hide by snuggling into Aden and pretending she didn't understand what was being referred to.

"Baby, I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Yes you do Mummy it's really funny, the one where Aden does a wee." 

Lexa certainly wasn't expecting that comment. Charlotte was now doubled over laughing at the memory alone, and Lexa could only see the tips of Clarke's ears, which were scarlet.  
"Charlie, maybe another time, honey, Lexa doesn't want to hear our silly songs."

Charlotte's pout returned and she turned to Lexa seeking an ally. "You want to hear my Mum's song don't you Lexa?"

The brunette weighed her options carefully, but there was only ever going to be one outcome really.  
"Of course Charlie, I'd absolutely love to hear it."

Charlie cheered loudly, Lexa shot a smug grin at Clarke who appeared to be trying to kill Lexa with some sort of psychic powers. Still, the blonde was fast coming to terms with her inevitable humiliation and she smiled at her daughter lovingly.

"Are you sure I have to?" Everyone, Aden included, nodded.  
"Right, okay, so do you know the tune to Merry Christmas everyone? Snow is falling, all around me? That one? I'm gonna find my girl underneath mistletoe we'll kiss by candlelight?"

Lexa nodded to indicate she knew very well the Christmas song that she was referring to.  
"Okay, well, Charlotte and I changed the lyrics because I was having a stressful day and...well it's just nonsense. Are you sure I have to do this?"  
Lexa nodded again, now absolutely certain that she wanted to hear this, however awful it may be. Clarke cleared her throat loudly, her cheeks still glowing brightly.  
"Rain is falling, all around me, children moaning, feeling glum.  
It's the season for children throwing tantrums.  
Merry Christmas everyone.  
I'm gonna have a breakdown tonight.  
I'm gonna have a breakdown tonight.  
I'm gonna find my kid underneath the Christmas Tree, I think he’s done a wee."  
Charlotte was now beside herself with laughter practically falling off her chair. Her laughter was infectious and so adorable. Clarke had not recovered yet from her embarrassment and was trying to look anywhere other than green eyes. Everything was so damn homely and Lexa could feel her heart beating in her ears. She had never experienced anything like this before, it was truly terrifying how much she enjoyed it.  
The moment was broken as Aden promptly dropped the remainder of his hot chocolate right into Clarke's lap. Clarke jumped up popping Aden down on the floor and trying to dap the spillage with napkins with very little success.  
"Hey Aden" Lexa began, holding out her hand to him "do you think you could help me choose the Christmas movie we are all going to watch while Mummy changes her jeans?"

Clearly Clarke didn’t expect Lexa to step in like she did, and then when little Aden stepped away from her and took a hold of Lexa’s hand she just stared in disbelief. Lexa gave Clarke a little wink and walked hand in hand with Aden into the living room.

Aden was very energetic now he had got used to the idea of Lexa being in the house he was chattering away about Christmas films, most of which Lexa could make out, but there were still some words where she had absolutely no idea what he was saying. 

“So which film do you want to watch Aden.”

“Bonbon one.”

Lexa had tried at least 4 times to figure out what the heck “bonbon” meant in this context or whether she was actually mishearing the word entirely. Luckily Aden didn’t seem at all frustrated by her inability to understand what he was saying he merely repeated the word again and again. Charlotte, who had been finishing up her hot chocolate, then wandered into the living room.

“Charlotte, Aden wants the bonbon Christmas film, and I have no idea what he means.”

Charlotte began giggling, she was just as adorable as her brother.

“He means Arthur Christmas. It’s a great film.”

“Charlotte you’re going to have to explain to me how you get bonbon from Arthur Christmas.”

“It’s his favourite bit, right at the end Grand Santa tries to give them an apple core but he says it is a bonbon.”

Both the children are now laughing remembering the particular part of the film. Now armed with the knowledge of which film they wanted Lexa can actually find it for them. She gets everything set up, very much aided by Charlotte, who shows Lexa where the blankets are kept and which remotes she needs to use. They are just about ready when Clarke returns with a fresh pair of jeans looking altogether more relaxed than she had been before.

“Right guys, let’s get this started, Aden baby do you want to sit on Mummy’s lap?”

Aden was snuggled into Lexa’s side, still giggling as before. The brunette caught his Mother’s eye as he wiggled himself right into her lap.

“Stay with Lexa.”

“That’s not fair, Mummy, I want to sit with Lexa too!” Cried Charlotte.

Lexa chuckled apparently she was new and exciting to the two little ones, and it was obviously unexpected.

“I have space next to me here.” Lexa patted the space next to her, so that Charlie too could come close. Clarke threw the patchwork quilt over them and settled herself beside them all.

Lexa had never seen the film before, but she certainly was enjoying it. They hadn’t got very far into the movie when she felt Aden grow noticeably heavier, his breathing even and deep, fast asleep. 

“Do you want me to move him?” Clarke whispers to Lexa, she shakes her head, content to have the little boy where he is. It doesn’t take that much longer for Charlotte too to fall into a deep sleep

Clarke and Lexa the last awake, still watching the film, in complete silence except for the soft snoring of the children. Lexa feels fingers linking with her own and rubbing circles in her skin, and her heart just feels so full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel slightly more invested in this chapter, I think I wanted to get it right even more than the others...I have the problem of a perpetually dissatisfied disposition...maybe I should work on that.


	16. Sharing Sadness

The drive back hadn't been awkward, Raven never felt awkward with Anya, she felt so overwhelmingly secure in her company, even though Anya wasn't talking Raven still felt a wonderful calm. Still, the drive back had been, sad. Anya was so hurt by what she had seen, she practically radiated waves of disappointment. Being the driver seemed to have its benefits in this situation, she was keenly focused on the road, never once looking away. Raven busied herself looking out the windows at the lights of LA passing by. The night had lost that magic lustre though. She hoped that at some point they could still look back on their evening with fond memories, but right now it all felt slightly ruined.

Raven knew better than to interrupt her processing by trying to talk, she just allowed her the space to be sad and disappointed. The drive was uncomfortable though, Raven wanted desperately to alleviate the blonde's pain. She wanted to see that small, slightly suppressed smile gracing the corners of her lips. She couldn't understand how that stupid woman had betrayed a girl as precious as Anya.

They finally arrived back at Lexa's place still silent. Raven made no moves to get out of the car. It was clear that the blonde was expecting her passenger to just go into the house alone. Raven had been sympathetic of Anya's space, but she didn't feel right allowing her to leave when she was so obviously struggling.

"Anya, I think you should come in, have a drink and I will fix us some food. Remember how important you think it is for me to eat?"

Anya didn't respond, just stared straight ahead at her steering wheel.

"Please come in Anya."

Raven held out her hand, and she felt so relieved as she heard Anya's door click open and Anya stepping one foot out onto the gravelled driveway. Anya ignored the offered hand, Raven wasn't concerned, she was just glad of some extra time to help her friend at this low point.

Raven fixed them both a glass of wine, while she pulled out pots and pans to make them both some pasta, it was easy, quick and comforting, so perfect for this sort of situation. Anya herself was still not speaking, but staring at the bottom of the wine glass she had just drained.

Raven dutifully refilled her glass, but decided that someone needed to speak otherwise the second glass would disappear as quickly as the first and they might end up having problems.

"I know it sounds glib and something that everyone just says in situations like this but, I really truly know how you feel."

Anya may not have spoken but she did at least make eye contact with her host, and the inquiring expression was enough encouragement for Raven to feel comfortable telling her a little of her own story. Raven gave her a soft smile, as though she were about to retell a bedtime story, rather than reminiscing some of her painful life moments.

"I fell I love with a boy, most certainly a boy, not sure he will ever grow up. Anyway, I had been in relationships with boys and girls before him, but as soon as I met him, it was different. He was charming and magnetic, he still is, just so very persuasive. I fell embarrassingly hard and fast."

She glanced at Anya, checking to see that she hadn't already lost her audience. Anya was watching her, listening intently. Raven was glad to note that she was now merely sipping at her glass of wine.

"His Dad owns a garage and we both enjoyed the opportunity to tinker with cars, even if I am much better at it than him. He made me feel special and loved, he made me feel needed. I never even noticed at the time but he had this innate ability to get me to give up everything for him, friendships, jobs whatever it was that took my attention from him. Before I knew it, he was the entirety of my life, and all the while I loved him for it."

Anya sighed, momentarily breaking the brunette's flow. In her eyes Raven could see a deeper sadness than before, she didn't know how to feel being the recipient of that look. The brunette had never been fond of people's pity, yet this felt different from pity and she was not sure where to place it.

"So long story short, he found someone new. He took her to our bed before letting me know I was surplus to requirements. That's certainly a sight I wish I could un-see. We managed to stay friends, because, well perhaps because I'm a little pathetic. But then asked her to marry him just before I came here. I don't really understand why I expected anything different, yet I always did. I felt like he would realise his mistake or something."

Raven didn't have the energy to add any more, the shame she felt, for allowing herself to be so taken in, still felt like knives in her gut.

"So, after he cheated on you, he stuck around?"

Raven explained how her work situation would always mean that they crossed paths, she told her how stuck the garage would be without her and tried to convince her that there was no helping the situation really. She knew too well it was all unconvincing. Truth was, he had become such a pervasive force in her life Raven had not known how to extricate herself from the situation. Perhaps if everything had happened at a different time, things would have been different, but her friendship group had been extremely busy dealing with tragedy that there was no way Raven felt comfortable seeking help. 

"So he tells you he needs you?"

"Well yeah, to be honest he kinda does need me, and I am pretty great." Raven tried her best to offer some show of self confidence aware that at this point she was not fooling anyone.

Anya sipped her wine again, regarding Raven with obvious interest, as though she was seeing something in her that she had never seen before. Raven worried that whatever it was she was seeing, it couldn’t be good. She briefly regretted being so candid, the brunette cared deeply what her friend thought of her. Usually Anya’s quiet stoicism was a calming influence on Raven but right now it was unsettling her, she was trying to contemplate every word that could possibly be coming from Anya’s lips, none of which were good, and the sheer amount of options was overwhelming. When the blonde finally did reply it was not at all what she expected.

“Ontari says she needs me too, she said I was her anchor, that I keep her in place when life tosses her about. Her work, it is temperamental which I don’t think helps. I wouldn't want to put myself out there like she has to, her looks being criticised, her hopes constantly raised only to be dashed. The money too, there isn't any basically. My work is always steady and secure, so you know, when she needed me I obviously helped her out.”

Raven knew better than to ask exactly what it was that help entailed, she thought of the many things that she had done for Finn, about how she was still propping up his Father’s business. There were times when she would do absolutely anything that he asked, it was extremely painful to acknowledge it.

“I feel so stupid Raven, why do I pick these people?”

“Oh Anya, it isn’t your fault. Honestly I think it is more that these people pick you. People like that are good at seeming so perfect. You know, if you’re a good person you never really consider if people think you are, good, I mean. But if you’re hiding stuff, you are always thinking about how you appear to others. People that use others know exactly what to look for in others.”

Anya looked at her forlornly. “I never felt good enough for her.”

The words lit a fire in Raven’s belly, she knows all to well she has said and thought things like this herself, yet when they were parroted back to her by someone so dear to her she saw how false those thoughts were. It made her angry.

“Sorry Anya, I’m going to have to stop you there.” 

Raven held on to each of Anya’s hands and they stared into each other’s eyes.

“You are a beautiful woman. You are clever, talented, loyal, and have such a caring heart. I have never met someone who looked after me like you do, and you barely even know me. You are someone who gives so much. Maybe you aren’t big on words, but words are empty anyway, actions are what counts. Ontari is a moron for not seeing it. You have so much to offer, and you are open to give it too. I've looked around, there aren't many people like you. I mean for fuck sake, you are so much hotter than she is anyway.”

Raven flushed red, revealing perhaps a little more than she had originally intended. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes from all the frustration she was feeling. She didn’t regret what she said, she meant all of it after all, and if anyone deserved to know how special they were, then it was Anya, even if her feelings were unreciprocated.

“You’re a good friend Raven, I’m very glad Lexa had this crazy holiday.”

Raven was glad too, no matter what would happen when she went home, no matter how much more she wished she might be able to have. She was glad to have met Anya, Indra too, both made her hope for so much more in her own life. They revealed to her what she had been settling for, and how much more was on offer instead.

They spoke about their relationships for a while longer, eating the pasta that Raven had made and finishing the bottle of wine. They switched then to whiskey, it felt like the conversation deserved a stronger accompaniment. Anya had opened up more and more as the evening wore on, and definitely seemed to be far less dejected than she had been when they arrived back at the house.

“I should probably be going.”

Raven burst out laughing.

“You’re kidding Anya, right? You were probably over the limit after that second glass of wine, you’ll be lucky if you’re sober enough for driving before midday tomorrow now.”

“I was going to call for a ride Raven, I’m drunk, not an idiot.”

“Anya, what’s the point? Lexa has like 15 spare rooms, with beds big enough to sleep about 20 people in each.”

Anya honest to goodness giggled at Raven’s over exaggeration, and Raven beamed with pride and having provoked such a response. The blonde was just too adorable when drunkenness had lowered her inhibitions.

“I suppose I could stay, but Raven are you sure you don’t mind? I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“Geese Anya, how much clearer can I be? I swear you’re just fishing for compliments now. I love your face. I want you to stay.”

Raven barely managed to stop herself commenting on how much she wanted her pouty lips and caramel eyes. Truths did tend to spill from her lips when alcohol was involved. She congratulated herself for keeping that to herself.

“Well, done Raven, you don’t need to tell her that.”

“Tell me what?”

It took an embarrassingly long amount of time for Raven to realise she had spoken aloud. She decided to run interference rather than answer Anya.

“Come on, let’s make use of Lexa’s huge TV, I need my Christmas viewing of Die Hard.”

As it turned out, Anya was a heathen, as they got comfortable, Anya made a comment that had Raven rethinking everything she felt for her.

“I’ve never watched this movie, I don’t think it is a Christmas one though, I mean it isn’t Christmassey in content at all, isn’t it an action movie?”

“That is sacrilege, Anya. Honestly one more word like that and I will be calling you that taxi myself. It takes places on Christmas Eve, the soundtrack is packed with Christmas songs, his wife is called Holly for goodness sake, it’s all there, completely obvious.”

For the first time since seeing her cheating girlfriend, a wide smile crossed the blonde’s face, followed by a familiar eye roll and throaty chuckle.

“If you say so Raven, I am happy my first time watching it is with someone so, passionate.”

The two girls sat huddled round a bowl of popcorn hands frequently brushing as they reached inside. Anya watched Raven curiously as she mouthed the words silently while watching, their stomachs warmed with food, and, more than their fair share of alcohol. 

Raven began to tire, even her favourite Christmas film wasn’t enough to stave off sleep, she leant back against the cushions and closed her eyes. Anya was left watching the film, she was amused that the brunette had such an uncanny habit of falling asleep when she was there, better than falling unconscious she supposed. Raven didn’t look comfortable at all, Anya did not question her own motives when she put down the popcorn bowl on the floor and pulled Raven’s head into her lap. The brunette stirred slightly, but soon fell back into a deep sleep, aided by soft hands brushing through her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for your feedback on the last chapter, I am glad you liked it. Hopefully I can try to play to those strengths with some subsequent chapters, need to think on it.


	17. Let's be Honest.

The kids had long since gone to bed, to be honest, Lexa had begrudged the separation. She had never been in the position to be around kids all that much, she didn’t have any family with youngsters, Anya was her only close friend and she was childless too. But Clarke’s children were just adorable, more than that though, they were such an extension of Clarke herself that by being with them she felt infinitely closer to the blonde. The blonde was not hard to love, that was true, she could easily see herself falling, but those kids were just a whole other level, 2 hours in their company and she could swear she was half-way in love with them already.

Clarke had insisted upon taking the children to bed when the film had finished, she took Charlotte, who was getting too big to be carried really, but who clung to her mother who showed off her strength powering up the stairs. Lexa had the much easier job of carrying Aden, who unconsciously snuggled closer and closer to her like a little bear cub.

The children had separate rooms, and Lexa was certain that she was coming face to face with the doctors artistic streak for the first time. Charlotte’s room had a space theme. Her walls were a light blue, decorated with the planets of our solar system, a few stars and the sun added in for good measure. The ceiling was gradated from the light blue all the way to a dark navy blue, it was painted with countless stars, the effect was absolutely spectacular. As Clarke left the room and shut off the light the ceiling remained glowing, luminous paint from the stars acting as a perfect night-light.

Aden was obviously not going to be left out of the special room treatment, Lexa felt like she was stepping into a rainforest, and spent all of the few minutes trying to spot as many possible animals as she could. When they left she knew she hadn’t nearly managed to spot them all. Clarke was obviously a very devoted mother, the rooms and the heartbreakingly soft kisses on their cheeks as she tucked them in told Lexa an awful lot about how much they meant to her. But everything that she had discovered this evening left her with many many questions.

Clarke lead Lexa back downstairs into the living-room, folding and putting away the blankets they had used while watching the film. 

“Would you like a glass of wine?”

“I am not sure that’s the best idea for me driving home.”

The brunette really wasn’t sure what to expect from this evening now, she had come, wine in hand, presuming that they would be alone, that she would end up staying just as she had done all the previous times they were together. But with everything that had now been revealed Lexa wasn’t even sure she should be staying at that moment.

“I do have a spare room, if you wanted to stay, I understand though if you don’t”

Did she want to stay, honestly she had absolutely no idea. She wanted some answers, she wanted to find out how she could have been so completely blind-sided by this. More than anything else, she wanted to know what was going on in the beautiful brain of the blonde.

“Clarke, I really think we need to talk about some things.”

Clarke nodded, the trepidation evident in the entirety of her body. She sat nervously on the edge of the couch and looked up at Lexa her blue eyes clouded by worry.

“What I am trying to figure out Clarke, is why you wouldn’t tell me something as big as this?”

The lawyer had never feared an answer so much in her life, in truth she could think of only one reason why the blonde would not tell her, and that was quite simple, because she did not mean anything to her.

“Especially given that you were the one who suggested that we ought to go out and ‘get to know one another’ it just confuses me, that really you had no intention of letting me know you at all.”

Clarke sucked in a hissing breath, and looked as though the words were a physical blow to her stomach. Behind those eyes you could see her brain working, trying to piece together the right answer to Lexa’s question. 

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds absolutely horrible.”

Clarke paused considering her words carefully.

“The truth is, I don’t ever tell, well, hook-ups about them. It just isn’t something that I have ever done.”

It was Lexa’s turn to look aggrieved and honestly they were beginning to look like boxers trading punches in the ring, each taking their shot at the other, both receiving injuries back. For the brunette, she felt that all her worst fears had be confirmed in that moment. 

“Right, because I am just someone you slept with twice and had sex with once.”

“Don’t say that Lexa, I thought it was me that you slept with twice and had sex with once, I mean we started this out saying that neither of us was looking for anything, that we couldn’t do complicated.”

Lexa looked dejectedly at her feet, every single thing Clarke said was true, their meeting was never meant to happen, yet their connection was undeniable. Every single time that they met Lexa tried to convince herself that it would be the last time, yet she was becoming more and more addicted. The truth was, she had no idea how much of that was felt by the woman before her, and keeping the truth of her situation was a huge indication that Clarke had never seen this thing between them going anywhere in particular.

“Lexa, all this is so new to me, their Dad, well he never even met Aden, it’s just coming up to 3 years, I don’t think Charlotte even remembers him.”

It was amazing how quickly Clarke had gone from smiling a peaceful, to worried and tense, now her whole facade crumbled to leave an overwhelming sadness. Lexa couldn’t help herself, she sat down beside her and pulled her into a deep embrace, blonde hair spilling over her shoulder and face buried deep in her neck. Lexa felt the tears before she heard the tell-tale breaths of this beautiful woman sobbing. All she could do was stroke her back and rest her cheek lightly upon the top of her head, hoping that she could communicate something more than words to the blonde.

“I can’t imagine there being a time or place where it is going to be okay to date. I mean, I can go out and be me, be the me that I was through college and uni, that party girl, up for a good time. But I just don’t see how that can ever be reconciled with who I am as a mother. Who is ever even going to be interested?”

Lexa did not interrupt her, intuiting that there was far more that she needed to say. Lexa would, if she could, share this burden, even just for one brief moment.

“It is more than that though, I can handle rejection, and I’m not afraid of my own heart getting broken. But to be in a relationship, a proper one, It would require me putting them as risk too. I want to protect them. What if somebody comes in and changes the way we survive, and then just disappears?”

Lexa felt almost guilty that she was considering her own hurt feelings and hadn’t been at all aware of the repercussions that a relationship would have on this beautiful fragile family. She couldn't imagine Clarke's situation, but even she knew she'd hate to see those two beautiful kids hurt because of someone unworthy coming and then going from their lives.

“I can see now why you wouldn’t tell me. I wish you had, but it does make sense that you wouldn’t.”

“The kids were staying with my Mum for a few days, when they’re away I just guess I regress back to my pre-children persona. I mean I just don’t see that many people who are looking for a relationship with extra baggage.”

In many ways Lexa felt decidedly out of her depth, it wasn’t like she had experience in these sorts of things. Yet she was a prospective partner, she supposed, perhaps not a likely one given the limitations of where she lived. But had she lived here, then potentially they could have had something. So given that she had that perspective, she felt a little more confident sharing her thoughts with the distressed mother.

“Clarke, your children are beyond beautiful, I know nothing about how strong that urge to protect them must be, nor can I speak for any other people, However, if it were me, I would only more delighted with the extra benefits your family package provides. It goes without saying that it wouldn’t be that way with everyone and there will certainly be challenges to be faced, but you can’t give up entirely on the possibility that one day someone might fit in to this wonderful family you’ve got.”

Clarke smiled at her sincerely, allowing her words to bring some degree of comfort to her.

“Actually out of the three of you, I think you might be the weak link.”

Lexa stuck out her tongue at the blonde, letting out a raucous laugh, which was reciprocated by Clarke. 

“Thank you, for taking this so well, for how you were with my kids. Honestly I appreciate so much that you could’ve made a scene and you were instead just so…you were so perfect with them. I know this leaves us in a different place, but I honestly won’t forget how fantastic you were with them both.”

“Clarke…you really need to know how special you all are, there’s so much I have no experience of, but anyone who thinks your worth less because of those little munchkins…honestly they’d have to be a complete jerk. You don’t have to thank me for doing what any decent person would have done.”

“I can’t imagine anyone being a bigger hit with my kids than you just were. Honestly Lexa, you don’t even realise, my Mum sometimes struggles to get Aden with her, he loves his Aunt Octavia but still would prefer to sit and snuggle with me. I know Charlie too, she’s going to be nattering my ear off about you all day tomorrow.”

Hearing how much the children liked her, the butterflies she’d had before, well they just didn’t compare. She had managed a fair few achievements in her life, worked damn hard for them too. Yet she never had done anything for anyone else’s approval, never felt that she needed it. But right now, here in Clarke’s living room, she felt more elated that these miniature humans approved of her than all her accomplishments thus far in life. Her smile was testament to that.

“Aden is the most lively thing I have ever seen before, he is crazy in just the best possible way Clarke, and I just adore how Charlotte tries to be the mature big sister but constantly dissolves into giggles. You can see so much of you in both of them, you are doing such a phenomenal job.”

“Sometimes I feel I can barely keep my head above water. They are great though, and literally there’s nothing I would rather have than them. I am really glad you got to meet them, before you…”

“Before I go?”

Just like that all the levity was dispersed. It wasn’t awkwardness anymore, they had got past that. Instead there was a great nothingness spread before them, a huge unknown, which neither really wanted to address, but both wished was not there. Lexa decided to be brave.

“I think this has become way more than just complicated”

“Our world’s couldn’t be much further apart could they?”

As the conversation had turned each girl had gravitated towards the other, and now that they had reached this seeming impasse Lexa reached out, holding both of Clarke’s wrists she gently drew her closer still. Lexa kissed her, because she didn’t know what else to do. She kissed her, because she wanted to do nothing more, and Clarke kissed back, because as improbable and unlikely as all this was, they both wanted exactly the same thing.


	18. Miscommunication

Raven had awoken in Lexa’s bed thoroughly confused that morning, honestly she could have sworn that the last thing she remembered was watching Die Hard. Yes, she distinctly remembered watching Die Hard, with Anya, and she absolutely does not remember getting from there into this bed. It seemed quite unlikely to Raven that she would somehow discover the answer to this conundrum whilst still remaining in said bed, so, she would probably be best getting out…in 5 more minutes that is. She snuggled herself into the blankets enjoying the last few moments of sleepiness, delighted that she was afforded the luxury.

It may have been a little more than five minutes before Raven dragged herself from bed, she was shuffling towards the kitchen in search of some, much needed, sustenance, when movement from one of the other rooms caught her eye.

It was the gym, not her favourite room in Lexa’s house, not by a long way, but Raven had made use of the facility a number of times, she was extremely pleased to have done so. The gym was astonishingly well equipped, certainly It would never be necessary for Lexa to set foot in another gym, she had all she needed at home. Raven had contented herself using a few of the different cardio machines, and dabbled a tiny bit with some light weights. She didn’t do a great deal, she knew better than to try and do something without the proper instruction.

The current user of the gym was much more familiar with the equipment than Raven. It was Anya, obviously it was Anya, otherwise Raven should certainly start to panic. But, this was definitely an unfamiliar Anya. Currently she was doing a weighted sumo squat, Raven didn’t want to be that person, but, the angle and workout clothes all combined to a rather arresting sight and just maybe Raven watched a little too long before making her presence known.

“Flipping heck Anya, how much weight have you got there? I am barely able to lift my eye-lids this morning.”

Anya lets out a breath as she pushed herself back to standing. She re-set the weights on their stand and then headed over to the stationary bike, clambering on and starting up before she spoke to the brunette, she was slightly breathless.

“I like to…sweat out the alcohol…this is my…hangover cure.”

“Okay, well if that isn’t the most intense way to get rid of a hangover I have ever seen, remind me never to join you. I am instead going to the kitchen to make bacon sandwiches and coffee, which is a far more civilised way of recovering, will you join me hot stuff?”

Anya laughed at Raven’s nonsense, still powering through her workout, unconcerned by the response it has elicited.

“I will be like…15 minutes more?”

“Okay, well I tell you what, I will get everything going and then you can come and join me for breakfast when you’re done here, if that sounds good to you?”

“That sounds absolutely great to me Raven.” 

She left Anya, still pedalling away, but with a beautiful smile now gracing her face. It was an unexpected delight to have the lawyer still in her space this morning. Logically she remembered she had asked her to stay, but for some reason she hadn’t equated it to the pleasure of a morning encounter with the beautiful woman. 

Raven vacillated greatly in deciding her favourite thing about Lexa’s house, but the kitchen was a definite contender. Here, the extra space was such a definite benefit. It made everything so much simpler, and the process of making meals was much more agreeable than in her own shoebox of a kitchen. 

Raven was feeling surprisingly okay this morning especially given that whiskey and wine probably had not been the most prudent mix. Everything was well in-hand when Anya made her appearance in the kitchen. Her workout had left her with a very attractive sheen, and healthy colour in her cheeks, Raven privately reflected on how unfair it was that some people looked a goddess no matter what. She knew, had she just been in the gym her appearance would not be gratefully received by anyone.

“Should I go shower first? I don’t want to be unpleasant company, but I was also worried what you’d prepared might go cold, I didn’t want to ruin all your hard work.”

“No, absolutely stay, shower after, you look grea…fine, you are absolutely fine.”

Anya smiled graciously and took a seat at the breakfast table. They tucked into the sandwiches, Anya giving an appreciative groan on her first bite, which Raven tried her best to ignore…failing miserably to not imagine it in different contexts.

“Raven, I concede, I think you have the better method for recovering after drinking.”

“Of course I do, I am a genius after all.”

“Self-proclaimed genius, I’ve yet to see definitive proof.”

Raven feigned offence and took an enormous bite, trying to make the chewing process as obnoxious as possible.

“You’re gross Raven.”

They both loved the banter that characterised their relationship, the back and forth had only grown as they became more familiar with one another. 

“Anya, how did I even get to bed last night, I have absolutely no memory of it whatsoever.”

Anya sipped her coffee and resumed nibbling on the sandwich answering the question with a natural nonchalance.

“Oh you fell asleep, completely dead to the world, honestly is deep sleep like your super power? Anyway I carried you there, all the while expecting you would wake up…but no, you really are just a big kid.”

Raven’s cheeks tinged pink, she imagined herself nestled in Anya’s arms. Damn, she missed possibly the best bit of her holiday because she sleeps too deeply. Stupid Raven.

“How on earth did you carry me? Was I super embarrassing, Oh God, do I snore? It’s been ages since someone saw me sleeping…tell me, do I drool?”

“Raven, you are hilarious, don’t worry, I can confirm, you are an absolutely adorable sleeper. Also you’re easy to carry, and extremely cuddly when unconscious.”

Raven hid her smile by more furious munching. This was the best breakfast she’d had in a long time. They both sat side by side smiling into their coffees and then sharing those small shy smiles, each woman just enjoying the other’s company.

“I feel bad, Lexa made sure that I had someone to look after things here, but I literally just gave her access to the keys and left it at that. I hope she’s doing okay.”

Raven probably hadn’t felt that bad about it truth be told, she simply hadn’t had the time, but now that she stopped to think about it, maybe calling Clarke would be an idea, she might have time to drop in even if she was quite a busy person. Resolved that this was the best course of action and with Anya off to get showered she thought now was the perfect opportunity.

The first call didn’t get through to Clarke, but that wasn’t uncommon, so she gave it another go a few minutes later hoping this time her friend might pick up. 

“Hey Raven, how goes LA babe, I still can’t believe that you just up and left. I felt guilty for day missing that call.”

“LA is just the best thing I have ever experienced. Everything is just so big, warm and sunny, I’m having an absolute blast. Time of my life, honestly.”

“Rae that’s so amazing, honestly nobody deserves it more than you.”

“Awwww Clarkey poo, you’re such a sweetie honestly, but actually there is someone else who deserves to have a good Christmas holiday too. The girl that switched with me she seems super sweet, she even leant me her best friend to make me welcome. I kind of feel guilty that I’ve left her all alone.”

“Oh, well, yeah I have met Lexa actually.”

Raven was quite surprised to hear it, Clarke lived a bit away from her after all, there wasn’t much reason for the doctor to cross paths with her house guest. Still she could stop feeling guilty if that was the case.

“Oh, you have. How the heck did that happen?…Hang on I’m just getting another call through, like bloody buses these phone calls, will you hold on? I’ve really missed talking to you.”

When Clarke made an affirmative noise Clarke swiped on her phone to see who the incoming call was from, speak of the devil, it was Lexa. Well now she could find out for certain how she was doing.

“Hey Lexa, how’s everything going?”

“Hi Raven, I called to ask you exactly the same thing, but I’m great thank you. It took a little while to get used to things here. You certainly do like things miniature don’t you? I’m in the swing of things now.”

“That’s awesome Lexa, I can’t imagine going back to my little cottage I feel like I have expanded to fill the space here. Look I’ve just got my best friend on the line, do you think I could call you back in a little bit?”

“Is it Clarke? How is she? Did she say anything to you?”

Raven heard a new intensity in Lexa’s voice, but she didn’t know her all that well so perhaps she was misunderstanding. At that moment Anya returned looking fresh and attractive as ever, her entry momentarily distracting the brunette. Anya noiselessly mouthed “Is that Lexa?” with a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve not been able to talk to Clarke really, can you hold while I talk to her.”

“Yes of course.”

Raven wasn’t really sure what possessed her to do it, but she looked at Anya, put her finger on her lips and did the universal shhhhh indicating her to be quiet, then she put the phone on loud-speaker.

“Hey Clarke, you’ll never guess, who was on the other line, Lexa! What a coincidence, eh?”

“Lexa, how did she sound? Was she okay?”

Now Raven knew Clarke, she knew her very well indeed. So there was no denying that something a little bit strange was going on here.

“Well I can have a word with her, I’ll call you back some time later then yeah?”

“No no, I will just hold while you talk to her, just see how she is.”

Clarke hardly ever had the time for a phone-call let alone waiting on hold, it was most unlike her. Anya and Raven shared disbelieving looks, both equally convinced that there was more going on here than was being explicitly said. She put Clarke back on hold.

“Clarke says Hi Lexa, she actually asked about how you were doing.”

“Oh, yeah, will you tell her I am fine. I actually just finished making that chicken recipe that she suggested, so yeah, tell her it was absolutely delicious. Did she say whether she was busy?”

“Hold, please.”

She put Lexa on hold and turned to Anya, they both knew exactly what was going on between these two. Anya indicated to Raven that she had better carry on at least one of the conversations or else they’d probably both ring off. Raven was not well pleased, Anya obviously had no knowledge of Clarke, therefore didn’t know the potential calamity that those two together might cause. She switched back to Clarke.

“Clarke, you know full well that I don’t hold for slut shaming, but did you have to have sex with the woman staying in my house, seriously couldn’t you just keep it in your pants?!”

Raven was ever so slightly hysterical, Anya looking on wide-eyed at the spectacle. 

“Oh my God, Clarke told you that?!”

“Oh shit, I thought I was talking to Clarke.”

“Lexa, you had sex with Raven’s best friend?” Anya added in, further aiding the complete confusion.

“Shit, Anya, you’re there too?”

“I am so sorry Lexa… shut up a minute Anya, Lexa can I put you back on hold while I just chat with Clarke for a moment.”

“…erm yeah sure.”

The embarrassment was palpable, everyone equally flustered by the situation. Well everyone except Clarke who was waiting patiently on the line completely unaware of how aware everyone had just become of her recent activities. Raven was absolutely determined to give her a piece of her mind.

“Clarke Abigail Griffin, I cannot believe you have sunk so low to have taken advantage of the woman staying in my home. Do you have no boundaries at all, the poor woman came with a broken heart, I assured her that I was giving her a safe haven in my tiny village. Little did I know my over-experienced best friend was instantly going to put the moves on her. Oh my God I’ve just figured, you defiled my bed didn’t you, you deviant. Where else Clarke, what other parts of my home to I have to completely renovate because they’ve been marred by your naked arse?”

Raven was breathing deeply after her tirade. Anya, completely flabbergasted by the extremely zealous speech.

“…Yeah, Raven it is still Lexa here.”

Anya, snorted loudly at Raven’s mistake and Lexa’s misfortune, she was very much enjoying this whole spectacle. Raven shot her a warning glance.

“Shit, I am so sorry Lexa, I think Clarke must’ve hung up. I just, well I just want to apologise and I’m just absolutely mortified. I will get hold of Clarke and ring her neck I promise. Can I call you back.”

“Yeah, I think calling back might be best.”

Anya just sat and looked at Raven who was still pacing back and forwards, obviously a little stressed due to the phone debacle.

“I just think I should let you know, I wouldn’t worry about Lexa, she’s not easily hurt.”

Raven looked at Anya, some relief definitely reaching her concerned eyes. Anya knew Lexa best after all, so if she said she would be okay, likelihood is that would be the case.

“Don’t get me wrong, Clarke is absolutely fantastic, but she’s just complicated and I really don’t want your best friend caught in the middle of her sexual relief schedule.”

Anyway managed to divert Raven’s attention away from home instantly by drawing her into a hug. The action was so unexpected that Raven’s breath caught, but a moment after the hug had begun Anya’s strong arms caused Raven’s whole body to relax, as she melted into her.

“Raven my friend, you cannot be responsible for the whole world, you need to take care of yourself first and then you’ll be able to look after everyone else better. You are far more special than you realise.”

Raven felt the warmth of those words touch her heart, and she stayed as long as she dared in the blonde’s embrace, wondering whether you could become addicted to a person's hugs.


	19. The Whole Picture.

Lexa probably hadn’t ever been more embarrassed in her life than speaking to Raven on the phone, the poor girl had sounded completely scarred. Worse still was that apparently Anya was privy to her humiliation and as such was extremely unlikely to ever let her forget it. She hadn’t really known how best to proceed once Raven had hung up, it all felt overwhelming. Eventually she did decide that potentially warning Clarke of her friends discovery and subsequent ire was the best course of action.

“Hey Clarke, it’s Lexa.”

“Lex, I’ve been wanting to talk to you all day, just got off a shift actually. I thought you were on the phone with Raven, I was meant to be too, but I put my phone down and Aden hung up for me. I know rookie mistake right.”

“Yeah, about that conversation with Raven..”

“Is everything alright you sound kinda stressed?”

“Raven knows Clarke.”

“Knows what Lexa?…Oh, you mean us? She knows about us?”

Lexa had actually had enough humiliation for the day, and really wished she didn’t have to relive the whole encounter again. Yet here she was telling Clarke all about it, as she explained the whole saga it wasn't any less mortifying. Bloody perfect.

“Actually Raven seemed pretty sweet, wanting to protect me from you.”

“Well you would say that wouldn’t you? How do you think I feel? God, you must think I am a some sort of depraved sex maniac with her going on like that.”

Lexa eventually calmed Clarke down, assuring her that, apart from completely embarrassing her, the phone call with Raven had absolutely no affect on her whatsoever. All of which was true, it was nice that Raven cared about her, but it certainly wasn’t necessary, Lexa didn’t need any protection, certainly not from Clarke.

“So, I was wondering if you would like to come by tomorrow, I think Baloo needs a good walk, I thought perhaps you would want to come with us.”

“I would like that very much.”

“Erm…just so we’re clear, the children are with me tomorrow. I might even ask Octavia and Lincoln to join us.”

“Just to be clear, Clarke, that couldn’t sound more perfect to me.”

It did sound perfect, Lexa felt a strange excitement creep upon her, one which stayed with her once she hung up the phone. She was looking forward to this, more than she could really explain, or perhaps she just didn't want to dwell to deeply on what she was feeling. Still whether analysing her feelings or not she went to sleep that night with a smile on her lips and an image of snowy fields a great bear of a dog, and a family of four playing together.

Clarke came by to pick Lexa up in the morning, being well aware of how much Lexa disliked driving on the country roads. The brunette had been on the receiving end of Clarke's teasing when she realised how much she hated driving in the UK, especially given the motorbike that was sat in her garage at home. Lexa maintained that in LA motorbike or not the roads stayed in two lanes and you never found yourself faced with an oncoming lorry hurtling towards you on the exact same side of the road.

She greeted Clarke with a kiss on the cheek, only wondering retrospectively whether that was appropriate behaviour in front of the children. The blonde seemed to receive it gratefully and there wasn’t any obvious discomfort, so Lexa satisfied herself the affection was not unwanted.

“LEXA!!”  
The enthusiasm was coming from the small boy in his car seat, practically jumping out of it in his attempts to get the brunette’s attention.

“Lexa!!”

“Hey buddy, it’s so great to see you again, are you all set for our walk today?”

“I got wellybobs”

The boy wiggled his feet towards Lexa to show off his Wellington boots, which were shaped to resemble sharks, his pride obvious by the huge grin on his face.

“They are the best Wellingtons I think I have ever seen, I don’t even have Wellies, just these boring walking boots.”

“Don’t you think mine are good too Lexa.”

Charlotte was pouting already, clearly unimpressed that Aden had managed to get first fruits of Lexa’s attention. Especially if that meant that his boots were proclaimed the best.

“I’m sorry Charlie, I didn’t even properly look at yours, show me.”

Charlotte proudly showed off her doggy themed boots and Lexa cooed over how cute they looked. The elder sibling seemed placated by her efforts, and the pouty lip went back to a much more agreeable cheeky grin.

The car journey was far more lively with the two, well three extra passengers in it. Obviously no car journey would be complete without a couple of rounds of eye spy. It was a new variation that Lexa had never played before, simplified, she assumed, for Aden, so they said the colour of the object rather than the first letter. Even with the simpler rules Lexa had to give Aden a few helpful hints for him to be able to guess any of them. Baloo even chipped in with her two penneth, barking from her dog cage when the children started to get a little over-enthusiastic.

“Right guys, settle down, you’re winding up Baloo.”

Charlie and Aden had begun fighting over, well actually Lexa hadn’t completely followed what it was that they were fighting about, but it was quite astounding how quickly it had escalated. Aden was now screaming and Charlotte was loudly proclaiming that she had done nothing wrong and that her brother was a liar. The brunette wasn’t entirely sure how Aden could possibly have been lying because she hadn’t heard him use any words, it was all just one high pitched scream.

“Charlotte, you look out of your window please, Aden I am going to give you until 3 to stop your screaming, 1, 2…”

Aden promptly stopped his screaming, which Lexa was extremely glad for, even she didn’t want to find out what would have happened if Clarke had made it to 3. Luckily they were just about ready to park up, so all the children’s energy could soon be diverted into running around in the fresh air.

“I’m sorry that was such a terrible journey, I can’t even pretend it’s not usually like that.”

Lexa was saddened to see that Clarke did look genuinely disappointed by what had happened in the car, even though she had no need to be.

“Clarke I just got first hand experience of some excellent parenting techniques, I honestly want you to teach me that counting thing, I was ready to do whatever you said. I’m wondering wether it might work on Anya.”

Clarke instantly lightened, her beautiful laugh ringing through the crisp air.

“Well it hasn’t ever helped me with Raven so I’m not confident. Also I’m pretty sure that I have many ways to get you to do exactly what I want…so I’m not really surprised that was one of them.”

She gave Lexa a cheeky wink, and then opened the boot of her car to let out Baloo.

Baloo was more excited that the kids to get out of the car, no sooner had Clarke opened the boot did the St Bernard leap out and bound over to Lexa, sniffing at her and nuzzling against her legs. She was certainly a big dog, and Lexa could imagine would be quite intimidating if she chose to be. Baloo was just hugely fluffy and happy though. Once she had taken stock of Lexa she was more interested in other smells around her, and off she went pushing her nose into different piles of snow.

“Okay guys, have we all got our hats scarves and gloves?”

The day was clear and bright but definitely cold, even those first few minutes out of the car and the very tips of noses had begun to pink.

“Lexa my hand broken.”

Lexa waved his little gloved hands at her, she laughed when she realised that he was worried because his fingers weren’t in the right holes, two of them squeezing into one finger hole.

“Come here buddy, I can fix it.”

Lexa made the comment confidently, of course she would, she definitely knew how to wear gloves and for years had been successful at putting them on when necessary. However, putting gloves on Aden seemed unrealistically impossible, his fingers were just so small and he moved them in the most unhelpful ways possible. After an embarrassing amount of time, Lexa successfully managed to get all his little fingers exactly where they should be and they were ready to go.

“We’re meeting Octavia and Lincoln in the pub for lunch, as long as you are still happy to do that?”

“Sounds great, need to work up an appetite first.”

The walk was much slower than when she and Clarke had come alone. But it was certainly no less energetic. Charlotte and Lexa took to running ahead a few paces and hiding (incredibly obviously) behind tree trunks only to jump out when the others passed by. Clarke was an expert at pretending she didn’t know exactly where they were and feigning surprise. Baloo didn’t understand the game at all and inevitably walked straight over to them sniffing away and making there hiding place even more obvious.

“Me too Lexa, I want hide too.”

Charlotte was already running to the next hiding place, Lexa picked Aden up and sat him on her shoulders as she took off running after his sister. 

“Faster Lexa”

Aden was obviously enjoying his impromptu ride, giggling mischievously and now much less inclined to hide, much preferring the idea of pretending Lexa was his personal pony.

After Aden’s ride, obviously his sister wanted one too. She was a little bigger, but still just about managed to go on Lexa’s shoulders, at that point Aden roped his mother in so that brother and sister now sat enthroned upon the shoulders of the two women. Lexa and Clarke got a little competitive in racing one another and Lexa probably could’ve been a more gracious winner rather than loudly crowing over Clarke that she won “even with the heavier sibling”. Luckily Clarke took it all in good spirits.

Clarke looked had never looked more beautiful, her face animated with glee, her hair shining in the sun. Her eyes, a crowning glory, blue like sapphires and so alive with emotion. She was resplendent, and Lexa finally saw the piece that was missing from their walk the other day. Clarke was infinitely more herself surrounded by her lovely little family.

They stopped in a large field to throw balls for Baloo, who certainly relished the opportunity to let loose a little after walking obediently next to the children for the duration of their walk. Both the children had a go throwing the ball, the dog was obviously well trained and waited patiently for them to throw it the couple of feet that they could manage, dropping it back at their feet once she’d retrieved it. Again Lexa and Clarke revealed their competitive natures as they each tired to throw the ball further than the other, Clarke was the winner on this occasion, obviously very used to this particular game.

Aden was starting to flag as they walked back to the car and ended up in Clarke’s arms, Charlotte walked hand in hand with Lexa telling her all about her friends as school and what they were doing for the holidays.

“Lexa, can we come over to your house please?” Charlotte said, smiling ever so sweetly.

“Aww I would absolutely love for you to come and see my home, but it is really far away, you have to get on a plane to get there, you never know though, maybe one day.”

Lexa didn’t miss the brief cloud pass over Clarke’s features, she wished so badly that she could have stopped it.

The pub was not one Lexa had been to before on her trip, she imagined that it was chosen specifically because there was a children’s play area and a friendly family atmosphere. 

It was weird seeing Octavia and Lincoln again, in such a different setting, with such different company. The brunette felt that Clarke was different with them this time too. She was less smiling, yet not less happy, there was a calmness to her, more relaxed and comfortable.  
Apparently the couple had not expected to see Lexa there, judging by the shocked look on Octavia’s face, she recovered quickly though offering her hand to Lexa.

“Hi Lexa, it’s so good to see you again, how have you enjoyed your trip.”

“I can say without a doubt that this has been the best trip I have ever taken, once in a lifetime certainly.”

All the adults exchanged slightly stiff smiles, all too aware of the difficult sentiments that lay behind Lexa’s words. The end of her trip was approaching, and with each passing moment the tension of that separation became more difficult to ignore.

Once all their food was ordered Lexa offered to take the kids to the soft play area, while they waited for the food to arrive, allowing Clarke some time to talk to her friends without distractions. Lexa tried to ignore the funny way that Octavia responded to her suggestion, not that it was unpleasant, she just wasn’t sure exactly what she should make of it.

The play area was like a battleground, luckily there was a separate area for Aden, where everything was much more appropriately sized and there weren’t huge kids trying to shove him out of the way. Charlotte was not so lucky however, and Lexa wasn’t prepared for quite how angry she would be when she saw some children getting a little rough with her.

“Charlotte, if you need me to help I will.” Lexa boomed over to the little girl, she stood tall her arms folded across her chest and she was pretty sure her face looked ready to murder. She observed with satisfaction how the bigger kids took note of her and decided to leave well alone. Retrospectively perhaps she ought not to intimidate small children, but hell if she was about to let them spoil Charlie’s fun. Lexa saw the waiter approaching the table and pulled the two away from the play area despite their desire to stay and let their food go cold.

“Mummy, guess what? Lexa saved me from the naughty boys.”

Lexa blushed furiously and tried her best to move the subject on from her actions but the whole table were rather more interested in discussing how Lexa had gone all “Commander” on some kids. Lexa cringed the more the conversation went on and was about to proclaim how done she was with that stupid nickname they’d given her, when Clarke leant over and whispered in her ear.

“You being called Commander really does something to me, I’d love for you to be my Commander sometime.”

Unfortunately for Lexa she suspected the other adults knew exactly the sort of thing Clarke had said to her given that she was now coloured crimson. Luckily they decided to move on at that point, and the rest of the meal was spent on safer topics.

They were just about finishing off after spending the last 30 minutes watching the kids run any remaining energy off in the play area, when Octavia suggested a change of plan.

“Hey Charlie, Aden, we I was planning on going home and making some gingerbread houses, but you know I don’t know if I can do it all by myself, do you think there is anyone around that would be able to help me?”

Both the children enthusiastically agreed that they would be excellent gingerbread builders, especially one they were informed of the different sweet treats that were going to be beautifying the exteriors. Octavia looked to Clarke with a small smile, it was quite obvious that she had already asked their Mum if she would be happy with her having them.

So all was set, Lexa helped Clarke moving the car seats between the vehicles whilst Lincoln was being made useful as a human climbing frame. They were all properly seated and ready when Clarke popped back inside to use the facilities. Octavia ceased her opportunity.

“Hey Lexa, it’s nice to see Clarke so happy. I don’t want to come off badly, but I can’t not say something, please be careful with them. Honestly first time I met you I liked you, I was more worried Clarke would end up messing you about. But now, seeing you with the kids, seeing the way she looks at you, just promise me to take care. And for what it’s worth, I think my brother would’ve like you, he certainly would’ve appreciated your “attack her and you attack me” thing with Charlie.”

Lexa did not know what to say, she nodded silently. Clarke returned then, much to Lexa’s relief, she wasn’t sure how much more conversation with Octavia she could handle. As she and Clarke drove back to her home, those words rattled through her brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So back by popular-ish demand, more time with the kids!


	20. Come to my Senses.

Anya was determined to show Raven all her favourite places whilst she was in LA, so they had been on quite the tour. Raven loved how every single place was completely without pretence. The lawyer was probably reasonably well-off (Raven wasn’t interested in prying) but there weren’t any swanky bars, clubs or restaurants on her list. Instead the brunette was shown the best food trucks, the most secluded parks, book shops and coffee houses. Every single place showed a little bit more of Anya’s personality, every single revelation made Raven think she was that little bit more perfect.

Raven was probably a complete goner the day that she found out Anya rode a bike too, which perhaps she should have figured because her and Lexa were best friends. Apparently it was something that they particularly bonded over, and was one of their favourite ways to pass their time. It was interesting to hear about her and Lexa’s friendship, but to be honest most of the conversation had been lost on Raven whose mind had completely fogged over when Anya had stepped off the bike in leathers. She had trouble shaking herself of the image all that day, and for most nights after that too. Once they had realised they were both capable riders, their adventures were generally on bikes, and what a wonderful way it was to get around LA.

There current stop was a coffee place, but it also house a large second-hand book shop too. Anya had busied herself in the shelves for a good 20 minutes, while Raven figured out what looked good for lunch on the menu. 

“Look what I found Raven.”

Anya produced a Triumph owners manual from the 1970’s and placed it on the table for Raven to look through. 

“I wish you lived around here, I’m not that good with the technical side of my bike, I definitely rely on the garage too much, it would be amazing to have you to teach me.”

Raven looked warmly at Anya, she didn’t even have voice enough to say how much she would love to spend the time teaching her all about her bike and how to fix bits, emotion choked her throat.

“So did you finally decide what you are eating?”

“Nope, I decided to let you order for me, because everything looks so good but I know you have excellent taste.”

Raven beamed, she had been letting Anya give her order a lot, given that she was recommending the stops, and Raven was an extremely unfussy eater. The blonde had not got it wrong so far, so why change a good thing?

They chatted back and forth in their easy way, loving the opportunity to just be with one another. Soon their food came over, soup and a sandwich, which seemed a pretty basic choice, but oh my goodness once again Anya had made a fantastic selection. Raven hummed happily into her bowl, smacking her lips after every mouthful. Anya watched with mounting amusement, Raven always enjoyed her food and the blonde had grown very fond of watching her fascinating, enthusiastic responses.

They were discussing desserts, because, of course they had to give the menu a proper sampling, when Anya’s phone began incessantly buzzing.

“You’re popular this afternoon.”

“Sorry Raven, I hate this interrupting us.”

Raven happily finished off the last of her sandwich, enjoying the last mouthful as much as the first. She wasn’t paying much attention to the blonde until she hear her let out a long steadying breath. The brunette couldn’t quite place the look that crossed Anya’s face, but it certainly wasn’t the carefree happiness of a few moments ago.

“Anya, is everything okay.”

The blonde met Raven’s gaze, giving a forced smile that wasn’t fooling the brunette at all.

“It’s from Ontari, she wants to talk.”

Raven thought that perhaps she didn't have good taste in all things, but that was most likely the jealously talking. Anya was looking about the cafe, as though Ontari was about to walk in at any moment. Visibly uncomfortable being where she was, Raven knew she needed to be elsewhere, as much as the knowledge pained her.

“Do you need to go Anya?”

“No, no Raven, we said we’d spend the day.”

Even while she spoke those words the blonde was looking at her watch, and then at the door. Raven could feel her heart beating in her chest, a painful thudding against her ribcage. All this time, she couldn’t help but hope that the feeling she was developing might be returned. She bit her lip hard trying to gain control of her emotions, even with all her strength she felt her eyes begin to go glassy.

“Anya, you go now, go and find Ontari, I knew she would come to her senses. Who could willingly give you up?”

Her company seemed completely unaware of the heart that was breaking slightly before her, far too preoccupied with her own situation.

“But we were going to get the chocolate cake?”

“Oh I can still manage to get the chocolate cake, there will be even more for me. You go, I will pay the bill.”

Gathering her things whilst still protesting that she was not going to leave, Raven decided that her mind was already with her girlfriend even if her body was still here, she wondered bitterly if her heart had ever left Ontari even with her betrayal.

“Will I still see you tonight at the awards dinner?”

“I don’t know how long this is going to take.”

Anya looked at her, and her face paled slightly. Raven grimaced, she knew the blonde saw the pain in her face and it made everything that much worse, she would rather her disappointment remained private, but obviously nothing today was going her way.

“Well, you know, it takes as long as it takes. Indra will understand anyway. I hope everything goes really well Anya, take care riding your bike, don’t get distracted.”

Anya looked at Raven with devastating softness, she traced fingertips over one of her hands. It was obviously meant to communicate comfort, it didn’t. Raven felt a single silent tear fall from her eye, she broke the eye contact hoping to avoid showing her weakness.

“Raven, I have to do this, all these texts, I do have to go and see her.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation Anya, honestly get yourself moving.”

With all her strength Raven looked up and contorted her face into a smile, that may have looked, ever so slightly, manic. Anya said no more, fishing her keys from her pocket she waved goodbye.

“Okay so I’ve got some chocolate cake for you guys.”

The waitress came as Raven sat alone at the table. 

“Could you wrap those both to go actually, and if I could get the bill please.”

Raven sat desolately, trying to get her head and heart to calm down, wondering at how funny life could be, and how quickly everything could go from amazing to shit in the space of a few minutes.

Raven had recovered her composure soon after returning to the house. Her mood was unlikely to get better any time soon but she needed to make sure she was together for this evening. Indra was her friend, and this was an important day for her. 

When they had bought Indra’s dress they had picked out a suit for Raven, high waisted trousers and a green blouse which complemented the dress perfectly. Raven looked in the mirror and was duly satisfied that how ever she felt on the inside, she looked smoking hot on the outside.

She realised then that perhaps she had got ready a tad early, her desire to change her mood was mostly likely the reason, but now she found herself completely ready, but with nowhere to be. Her thoughts turned to home she was due to leave in just one day. She would go back to her life and it would be like this whole episode had never happened. Honestly, that would be for the best, she had let herself get very carried away with the whole Anya situation. The only fortune was that nobody had been witness to her humiliation. 

She thought of work, the idea of going back to it was making her feel quite queasy. The engineer remembered the emails that Finn had sent and her promise to look at the car he was struggling with. There were quite a few emails, each getting more pushy due to the lack of response. She opened the first, trying to get a feel for what the customer required.

Raven’s phone rang, and for a brief moment she hoped for a call from the beautiful dirty blonde girl who had stolen her heart these past 2 weeks. Then she remembered that the Lawyer was with her girlfriend, worse still she saw that the caller was none other than fuck boy Finn.

“Hey Finn, I was just looking at the stuff you sent.”

“Well well well, I am surprised you didn’t screen my call.”

“Don’t be like that Finn I have just been busy with this and that, and I just now had a minute and so that’s what I was getting to.”

Finn could quite often become a little bit petulant, Raven was used to it, but this time it maddened her more than it previously would have, why should she be looking at his stuff whilst she is on holiday?

“Well, you know that Christmas present? Yeah, I couldn’t find it, so I’ve sent another one to you, should have arrived today.”

“Oh, well I didn’t see anything when I came in, are you sure it has arrived?…hang on, let me go check the gate real quick.”

Raven strode to the front door, surprised that Finn would be so thoughtful actually, she really hadn’t been expecting to receive a gift from him at all. She managed to make herself feel guilty for being harsh on a man who actually deserved none of her sympathy of time at all. She opened the door and her heart stopped.

“Hey baby bird.”

There was Finn, right on the doorstep, his floppy hair falling gently into his face, a boyish beguiling smile on his soft lips, his hands outstretched with a bouquet of roses for Raven.

“Finn?!”

Raven was flummoxed, her mind was trying frantically to put the pieces together for some reason completely unable to reconcile the sight of Finn with the surroundings of Lexa’s home. Her mouth imitating a goldfish while her eyes blinked uncontrollably.

“Are you just going to leave me standing here? I’ve come all this way, all for you Raven.”

She regained control of her limbs and gestured him in with a small smile and a wave of her arm. He followed behind her as she made her way into the kitchen, seeking water and a vase for the floral gift.

“I’m hoping that at some point soon you are maybe going to look at me.”

Raven finished watering the flowers and lifted her head to meet his gaze, damn, she hated that she still found him so attractive. He looked at her, longing and intensity all there in his eyes, the brunette just didn’t know what to do, where to look, or how to feel.

“I’m trying to understand why you are here Finn.”

“I missed my little bird. You were gone, you wouldn’t respond to my messages, I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my life. All I knew was that I needed to get to you. So I got straight on a plane to come to you.”

“You missed me?”

“I’ve never missed anything more in my life, I just can’t deal with losing you.”

Raven’s mind was not slowing down, instead it was spinning faster and faster trying to piece together Finn’s words and actions. Everything he was saying she had been longing to hear since they broke up. He had come, in surely the most romantic gesture possible, flying all this way just for her. But then, why did this feel so wrong? Finn was moving in closer, still telling her how important she was to him, how beautiful she looked, how he was never going to be able to be without her. Before she knew it her face was in his hands and he was drawing her into a kiss.

One thing became clear in her mind at that moment, she did not want this. She pushed him off her firmly, and he looked at her clearly dazed and confused, not thinking for a moment that she was going to reject his advances.

“Babe?!”

“Finn, I don’t really understand what’s going on here. So you’re telling me that you have broken off your engagement and come all this way because you’ve come to your senses and I am the one for you.”

Finn looked straight at the floor.

“Well I mean that’s not exactly…”

“Oh shit, she doesn’t know you’re here does she? Where the hell does your fiancee think you are Finn?”

“Rae, Babe, look I’ve not worked everything out yet, just be a little bit patient with me. Can’t you see how confused I am babe, where’s your compassion?”

Raven saw red, well she was angry, but actually she saw clearly. For the first time since she had met Finn, thoroughly disenchanted of all his power and influence.  
“I don’t want you Finn, not now, not ever, you are irrevocably a part of my past. Get the fuck out!”

Finn looked more shocked that Raven had been upon opening the door and discovering him there, but his shock quickly turned a little more angry.

“Is this about that dyke you’ve been posting about? Don’t think I’ve not seen it. Just wait until you come back, and she’s long since forgotten you, you will be begging for me, you will alway want me, nothing changes.”

That was when it clicked for Raven, Finn had seen her moving on. The pictures were just friendly (obviously) but those who knew her well enough could probably gather from them just how happy she was with Anya. Finn had come all this way, just to ruin the happiness he thought she’d found.

She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him towards the door, Finn spluttering and protesting the entire way.

“You don’t know what you’re doing Raven, you will regret this I promise you.”

Raven opened the door and pushed him onto the doorstep, as she was about to close the door on him forever he spoke.

“I am the love of your life Raven, you won’t get any other shot.”

She hesitated, opening the door again, she saw him smirk in satisfaction. Raven pulled back her arm and crashed her closed fist right into his face, the connection was punctuated with an almighty crack which, presumably, was his nose breaking.

Finn balled up on the floor clutching at his streaming nose. Raven pulled out her phone and took a celebratory selfie with Finn rolling in the background. In probably what was not the best decision of her life, but perhaps the most fun, she opened up posted the picture to all the possible social media platforms she could think of.

I am sending back this unwanted gift, mostly intact. I hope his Fiancee can find a use for it, as I most certainly can’t think of any. Collin’s Customs, please consider this me offering my resignation. Happy Holidays People! 

She tagged everyone from the garage in the post and uploaded. She then took one last look at the pathetic little man shrivelled on the step and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I am pretty impressed that I managed to stay ahead of the game thus far hence how the updates have been fairly steady.
> 
> Feel like time is getting a little more pushed what with Christmas and all. Forgive me if I don't manage as much. I will endeavour to get it out to you. Getting closer to the end now anyways.


	21. So this is Goodbye.

Lexa lay on Clarke’s bed breathing deeply, still deliciously dazed from the hours Clarke and she had spent together.

It had been quite clear when Octavia had offered to have the children exactly what Clarke had in mind, as they drove away from the pub the blonde had be completely unsubtle about exactly what she wanted. One hand on the steering wheel and one slowly making its way along the inside of Lexa’s thigh. Even through her jeans Lexa felt her skin tingling and her anticipation growing.

With one hand busy those beautiful blue eyes were locked on the road ahead, the higher her hand ventured the more the brunette longed for a glance in her direction, but none came, the entire drive home. It was an intoxicating tension that wound in her stomach, physically craving those blue eyes, the blonde played the game well, acting as though she were completely unaware of the effect that she was having upon Lexa.

By the time they stepped out of the car Lexa was wound tight, tense like a rubber band pulled to its furthest extent. As the front door clicked shut the band snapped and the brunette pinned Clarke against the door kissing her furiously then staring deeply into those sapphire pools. She drowned in them at that moment, and did not surface for breath for quite some time.

The lawyer had been quite intoxicated during their first encounter, as had Clarke, she had tried to shrug off the feelings their union had left her with as alcohol induced. Logically she felt it very unlikely that the experience was as good as she thought it had been. How could two people connect so well on first meeting. She put the positive experience down to sexual frustration, and gratitude that Clarke treated her so kindly after Costia’s dismissive behaviour.

In short, Lexa postulated a million different reasons why her memory of the events weren’t to be trusted. She was right, her recollection was flawed. She seriously underestimated how good it felt to be with Clarke. She felt the blonde had some sort of psychic connection with her, the way she gentle worked her up with words, touches, kisses and caresses. Sometimes Clarke knew better than she did herself exactly what she needed, there was a self-revelation in their coming together made better by how mutually it seemed to be felt.

Lexa did not have to worry whether Clarke was enjoying herself, she was responsive in the extreme. Lexa had never been with anyone who reacted to her touches like Clarke did; soft sighs building to sensual moans and ending in shouts of ecstasy that made Lexa feel like a goddess. Clarke was downright talkative too, and Lexa loved it, didn’t think she could be without it from here on out.

“So, that wasn’t just me right? We are really good at that?” Lexa managed to verbalise from her cocoon of post sexual bliss.

Clarke smiled at her then lay her head on Lexa’s naked chest, humming in affirmation.

“We really are good at that Lex, I don’t think I’ve had such an instant connection like this before.”

Lexa knew what she was talking about, it certainly wasn’t just the sex, it seemed the same in every area of their relationship. Obviously they had only known each other for days, but it felt nothing like that, it felt that they had been in one another’s company for much longer, long enough to work out the way that they best worked together. All the while there seemed to be an untapped potential, though everything so far had been amazing, all this was still just the beginning and she couldn't help the feeling that they would only build from here. 

Lexa felt at complete ease with the blonde’s naked body curling into her own, her soft cheeks warming her chest. But that peace also allowed her mind to wander.

The car journey, and subsequent passionate encounter had not allowed Lexa any time for reflection, in the stillness Lexa thought about Octavia’s words to her. That uncanny perception that Clarke seemed to possess surfaced again.  
“Lex, babe, you are thinking so loud, what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours?”

The brunette wasn’t sure how much she should share, it was sometimes better that she contained her thinking to her head, sometimes if she hadn’t thought things through the words that came out weren’t the most helpful. Yet the pressure of time was an ever pressing reality if they didn’t talk through things now what opportunity would they have?

“I’m just thinking about us, about what we are doing here?”

“Okay, and what exactly are you thinking?”

The biggest problem was that Lexa didn’t know the answer to that question, what was she thinking right now, what was she going to do with everything that had happened these past weeks?

“So the way I see it there are two options.”

Clarke sat up and wrapped the bedsheet round her torso, giving Lexa all of her attention.

“We can go with this, commit to making stuff work. There’s Skype and messengers, and we could agree to flying back and forth as much as possible to see each other.”

Green eyes observed the hope springing to life in Clarke’s face, it didn’t give her comfort. Lexa’s mind was still working overtime on the possible ramifications, considering all possible outcomes and pitfalls.

“Yes, Lexa, absolutely, people do long distance, I know it won't be easy, but good things aren’t always easy.”

“But how will that end? What happens when the kids find the upheaval and instability too hard? What about my work, how much am I realistically going to be able to commit? You know yourself that you are so busy at the hospital.”

Clarke too began to be lost in thought, considering carefully the possibilities presented.

“So with all that stress, we’re going to be arguing, and that is never good long distance. Miscommunication is easy, avoiding each other is simple. So once we fight it most likely will end up unresolved. With this kind of distance we can just stop talking one day, and we will never see each other again, never bump into one another.”

Lexa hated herself for her words, hated the effect they were producing on the blonde, who looked utterly crestfallen, yet the more she thought, the more it seemed to be the likely outcome.

“Clarke, I do care, I don’t want you to be hurt because we tried to make this work, I don’t want the kids to be disappointed because someone just disappeared from their lives. I don’t want to mess us both up.”

“Okay so you said there were two options, what’s the second?”

“We admit that this has been absolutely perfect, everything about it.”

Clarke’s smile returned, reaching out to hold Lexa's hand.

“Maybe we leave it in its perfection, maybe it was never meant to be more than this. Perhaps it is so good because we were just meant to be this brief beautiful thing that then led us both on our own different journeys.”

Clarke’s smile crumbled, and she looked at the brunette dejectedly.

“Clarke, I don’t mean to hurt you, but perhaps the fact that I am leaving in 8 hours is making this seem far more exciting than it actually is. In the cold light of day perhaps you will realise I am not all you hoped for.”

“Flipping heck Lexa, I bet you couldn’t be more depressing if you tried.”

“Fuck, I know.”

Lexa collapsed back into the bed, she drew Clarke into her arms, trying to soothe the pain her words had caused, trying to dispel the doom and gloom aching in her own heart.

“I have another scenario.”

Lexa let loose a deep breath, relaxing into Clarke’s touch.

“Thank God you do.”

“Lexa, I am in love with you. I know it’s soon, and I know it is stupid but I also know when I feel something. This isn’t just about the connection I feel when we’re alone, which is phenomenal I will admit. But I love you even more when you’re with my kids, I feel something when we are together that I didn’t believe was possible.”

Lexa stared at Clarke unable to speak.

“Am I scared? Yes of course I am scared. I know I come as a package deal, and perhaps it isn’t one that you really want. I am not romanticising this, I was fully intending it to be one night, yet the more I get of you the more I want. I feel right with you, I feel a future with us, that’s something I had resigned myself to never ever having with anyone. But with you, I see it so easily.”

“You love me?”

“Yes, Lexa, I love you. Can’t believe how many times I’ve repeated that now.”

Clarke laughed awkwardly, trying to relieve some of the tension. She looked apprehensively at Lexa, waiting for her response.

“I wasn’t expecting I love you.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wished she had not said them, their effect was instantaneous. Clarke stood from the bed and turned her body away from the brunette. Lexa’s mind was ablaze desperately trying to come up with the appropriate answer. She wanted to give this angel reassurance, she wanted to say those words back, yet at the same time she didn’t want to give false hope. She wanted to know things would work out, not to selfishly put her feelings before the happiness of this beautiful family she had found. She wanted certainty that she could keep them safe.

“Don’t turn away, please Clarke, I am just trying to work out what to say.”

The Blonde had hastily thrown on some clothes, obviously feeling far too exposed. She puffed herself up as though inflating herself with a false bravado. Trying her best to sound jovial she answered.

“I think if the answer isn’t self-evident, we should just forget all about it.”

Lexa didn’t want that at all, she wanted time to think, she needed to be sure about her words, she just needed a bit more time, time not afforded with only 8 hours until her departure. Clarke continued her display of confidence, laughing not entirely convincingly.

“You told me you wouldn’t fall in love with me, shit, I really need to pay better attention.”

“Clarke, please, I’m not coming across well. Who you are, your charm your smile, your determination and grit, your care and how you look after your kids, damnit just everything I have seen, it’s all the reasons why I…why you’re so wonderfully you. I want to protect it Clarke, I want to protect you Clarke.”

Lexa knew what she said was not quite enough, she knew it wasn’t even everything she wanted to say. 

“Please Clarke, don’t go right now, stay, just for a while.”

They both gave in for their need of the other, finding comfort, while they could, in each other’s arms. When they came together again, it was different, and Lexa knew all too well why. Lexa communicated with her affection, with the touch of her fingers and mouth those three words that she couldn’t bring herself to say, even though she knew them to be true. 

She was ready to leave. She was definitely ready to leave. All her bags were packed, meticulously, of course. Being wrapped in the soft skin and warmth of Clarke felt like a lifetime ago, not 6 hours. She repeated the mantra in her head, that she was ready to go home, she wasn’t getting any better at lying to herself. 

Clarke was still with her, every second seemed to count, they had spoken some more, tried to make some promises, some suggestions an outline of what this was going to look like, it all felt very hollow.

“Okay, so no rules, no expectations, let’s just see how this goes.”

The blonde nodded at her, as she had done for the majority of their conversation. Lexa thought perhaps her cowardice had broken her. She hoped that actually the doctor was merely forlorn that their time together had come to an end, but she couldn’t shift that lingering guilt, if only she could be just a little braver.

The situation was made infinitely more difficult when Octavia dropped Aden and Charlie off at Raven’s, she supposed it was good to be able to say goodbye, but now she had treble the amount of sorrow to feel in her heart.

“Lexa can I come visit you soon?” Charlotte asked sweetly.

Lexa never liked making promises she absolutely couldn’t keep, even more so to little ones who took your word as absolute. 

“I would absolutely love a visit from you, but I’m not really sure whether that will happen, but we will see. I promise though I will Skype and show you all my house when I get home, give you the grand tour.”

“I will come and visit you one day though.” Charlotte spoke a little more defiantly now, confident that she knew exactly what she was saying.

“One day I will be big enough to come all by myself, so I know that I definitely will one day. No one will be able to stop me.”

“I come too” Aden added.

Lexa’s heart felt that it might burst, she had never encountered anyone or anything that could melt her heart the way that these children could. They were determined to see her again, and Lexa desperately hoped they were right. 

“Hey my babies, you’ve got to detach from Lexa’s legs now.”

Both children were clung tightly to Lexa, like little Koala bears one hugging at each leg. Lexa made a show of trying to move with them in situ making everyone laugh jovially. 

Lexa used that moment of levity to extricate herself from the pair. It really was time for her to go, if she didn’t leave now she would risk missing check-in.

“Ok, you two lovelies, I promise you, when I get home I’m going to get right on to sending you both a little surprise in the post, so promise me you will look out for that.”

“Yay, Lexa” They both yelled.

She gave them both huge hugs and kisses on their foreheads, holding them a little tighter because of her own heartache.

“Promise me you two will take care of your Mum.”

Clarke let out what sounded like a sob, but she quickly regained her composure, taking care of her little ones. There was nothing more to say, no more goodbyes to offer. Lexa picked up her hand luggage and made her way to the waiting taxi, waving goodbye to the cottage, and trying not to think of the little family she was leaving behind too.


	22. Rewards Well Deserved.

Raven was feeling empowered, yes, she had been under Finn’s thumb for a long long time, yet now she was free. She couldn’t really believe what she had done, there was a certain beauty about how everything had played out. She probably would have given her notice in eventually, this holiday had helped put an awful lot into perspective, but she never intended to do it so quickly. Certainly she never dared hope to be able to confront Finn for all that he had done to her. Fuck, she actually broke his nose. 

So her mood was certainly higher than it had been in a long while, her elation was duly noted by Indra when she went to pick her up.

“Something has changed in you Raven, what has happened.”

Raven chose not to use words, but instead to show her selfie from earlier. Indra laughed wholeheartedly though once she had recovered she did warn Raven that violence was probably not the best way to solve situations.

“No, I do know that, he just knew exactly what to say…I don’t think it would ever happen again.” 

Indeed it would never need to happen again, because that image she had of him, the memory of finally ridding him from her life, that would stay forever.

“Come my lady, we’ve got to get you to the shin-dig they’re throwing in your honour, I am nothing more than the eye-candy this evening.”

When they arrived at the venue Indra was escorted to where the other award recipients were sitting, Raven had a place set for her on a table that had a wonderful view of the proceedings and was more than happy to start on her first glass of wine. She couldn’t deny that her good mood did wobble slightly when she saw the empty seat beside her. Tonight though, was about Indra, and also maybe it was a little bit about her, breaking free and moving on. Nothing was going to bring her down.

The food was, well, I suppose some would have said it was fantastic, but honestly it was a little grandiose for her tastes. She would’ve liked to discuss with Anya how much better one of her food trucks would have been, but Raven still smiled at the recollection. The best part of the meal was the dessert, a coconut cake filled with a pineapple-coconut filling, that was definitely worth coming for.

The food was cleared away and the lights were dimmed ready for the ceremony to begin. Raven eyes were fixed on the stage as the host was taking to the stage, she heard the scraping of a chair next to her.

“Anya!” Raven absolutely beamed at the girl, unable to disguise the delight she felt that she had made it after all.

“You came!”

They had begun introducing the format for the evening and so there was no time for Anya to make any response other than to return Anya’s grin and take her seat beside her.

There were a fair few awards to be given out that evening, all celebrating individual’s contributions to the LGBTQIA+ community. It was inspiring to say the least to hear about all the different things that were going on. Raven was impressed again with how much had changed not only in her lifetime but in the past 10 years. Representation in the media was quite a hot topic for the night, and although it was slowly improving many mentioned how far there was still to go. She was definitely proud of her extended family that night. Still, Raven was anxious to see Indra, and even more anxious still to be able to talk to Anya. 

There had been many glances between the two women, but Raven found it impossible to gather any information from those looks alone. The brunette had to be happy in the knowledge that she was able to be here for Indra, and that they were, at least, able to share these moments together. But she was acutely aware of Anya's proximity as well as how little she knee about what had transpired between her and her girlfriend. 

“Now we come to our final award of the night, this is a Lifetime Achievement Award, for showing outstanding support, advocacy and advancement of LGBT rights, across America and as an example to many nations worldwide. I cannot overstate just how influential Ms Indra Porter has been, nor can I thank her enough, personally, and as a spokesperson for the wider community. You are all, I’m sure, aware of her many great accomplishments, so without further preamble I would like to invite her to collect her award.”

The room erupted in applause, a cacophony of sounds, all made in recognition of this wonderful woman. Raven could see the shock on Indra’s face, could read in her body just how much this recognition meant to her.

Indra rose from her place, and strode to the podium, her entire being radiating an assured grace and sagacity. She stood front and centre, saying not a word as the noise began to die down. Not until there was complete silence did she begin.

“When I was young, as young as many of you are here today, the world seemed a very different place. I did not grow up with hopes of falling in love and marrying, the dream seemed far too lofty, a ridiculousness, certainly unachievable. Never have I been more delighted to be proven wrong.  
It has been a wonderful experience to bear witness this evening to the many inspirational young men and women who are involved in the fight for equality today.  
I was reticent to collect this award, the reasons far too complex for me to explain now, however, a friend impressed upon me the importance of being here, perhaps as a way of encouraging you all forward in your paths.”

Raven locked eyes with Anya, happy that she was able to support Indra and so honoured to be able to be part of this special moment. She took a brief moment to survey the crowd, who appeared to be listening with rapt attention. 

“But it is I who have been inspired, by the energy, commitment and passion that is demonstrated by so many people here.  
We need to celebrate and congratulate ourselves of course we do, but we also need to keep our eyes fixed ahead. As my beloved Becca always told me "there is work still to be done".  
There is indeed much work ahead of us, too many places where who you love, or how you live, results in discrimination and even death. I don't seek to ruin our enjoyment, merely to offer a further call to arms, look where we are now, look where we can be in the future.  
When I was young, almost too long ago to really remember, I made a mistake, i dreamt too small. I hope you all have much wilder imaginations than I, and may you accomplishments be greater still because of it."

The room was momentarily still as she finished speaking, the whole assembly enraptured by her impassioned speech. Then suddenly, like the breaking of a wave, the clapping began.

If the crowd was loud when she took to the stage this was nothing to the response she received now. Everywhere you looked people were rising from their seats, emphatically thanking Indra and her well chosen words.

Raven didn’t know when it had happened, her attention had been fixed on Indra, but now she realised that her hand had unconsciously sought out Anya’s, their fingers were laced together standing side by side. Raven quickly broke contact, trying to pass off the movement as a need for two hands to be able to clap. The blonde joined in the applause but all the time her eyes took in Raven, lips curved in a gentle smile.

Indra’s award was the last, soon enough the lights were turned back up and people started mingling again. Her date for that evening was busy having pictures taken with her award and the other recipients. Raven would need to join her again at some point soon, Indra had mentioned she wanted some photos together, but for now she had some time, she knew full well what she needed to do, but fear was stilling her tongue.

“I am so sorry I was late Raven, I am so sorry I left you as I did, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Oh Anya, don’t worry about it, I know how important Ontari is to you, honestly, I am just so glad that you managed to get here. The food, I wanted to tell you how much better the stuff we’ve been getting is. I was also thinking…”

Raven was rambling, determined to keep conversation flowing, keep her emotions in check, stop that disappointment from creeping upon her again. Anya stilled her with a touch of her hand on her cheek, Raven instantly loosing her train of thought, let out a puff of air.

“Raven, I will always worry about how you feel. That is what is very important to me, I made a mistake leaving as I did.”

Raven just stared at Anya, her mouth dry and mind completely blank.

“I felt like I needed to make it clear to Ontari, I felt that perhaps I hadn’t been completely fair to her, and I wanted to fix that.”

Raven was immediately incensed by Anya’s words. “Are you kidding me Anya!? She cheated on you! You were worried about what exactly? Honestly if you grovelled to her, I’m not even sure if I can look at you right now.”

To the brunette’s surprise Anya chuckled. “Raven, I absolutely love how fiery you are, it’s is one of your many wonderful traits.”

Raven just looked on puzzled by the response. 

“I did not grovel to Ontari, so you can still look at me. She did cheat on me, and there is no excuse, but there was something that I did not feel comfortable with and I wanted to clear the air, so that I could move on without any regrets.”

“Move on?” Raven spoke shakily. Anya drew her chin upwards so that she could look into her eyes.

“I felt it was wrong that I had stayed with her, had not spoken to her, when I was developing such strong feelings for someone else. I knew before that incident that I no longer wanted her, yet I stalled. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Raven swallowed deeply, she felt the heat flooding her face absolutely nothing that she could do about it. Her eyes impossibly wide and tears pricking at her eyes. Probably not the reaction that Anya was looking for.

“Oh Raven, I’m sorry, should I not have said?”

Raven laughed and flung her arms around the ridiculous woman.

“Anya, you idiot, I’m so happy, I really didn’t think you felt the same. But you feel it too, right?”

“Raven, from the moment I walked you round Lexa’s house I knew that I’d met someone so special. But I couldn’t have guessed then, just how strongly I would feel for you, it all happened so quickly.”

The relief was immense, this feeling easily topped the exhilaration she had felt when disposing of her good-for-nothing ex. Actually Raven wasn’t sure she could remember a more happy moment than this one right now. What was infinitely better was that this could be followed by many more magical moments, each building upon the last.

“So, Raven, I need to ask. Will you be my date this new year’s eve?”

Shit. All those warm joyful feelings took a momentary vacation, as it dawned upon her that this was all a little late. She would soon be on the other side of a very wide ocean, too many miles away from this fantastic woman. 

“Actually, I will be home before New year.”

Anya merely smiled at the brunette, not a jot of her enthusiasm faded.

“This might have been a little presumptuous, but I checked out your flight back to the UK, there are some seats still available, I was really hoping you’d let me book one.”

That moment broke all of Raven’s restraint, she pulled Anya into a passionate kiss. Better than she could have ever anticipated or indeed better than she had imagined it would be. The blonde reciprocated the same passion obviously as long-awaited for her as it had been for Raven. The moment didn’t last long, and only served to increase the couple’s desire for one another, but it was answer enough for both of them.

“I guess this means a new year in England then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is almost upon us, and our story too is almost done.
> 
> Hope nobody is getting weighed down with any stresses, easy to happen in the festive season. Be kind to yourselves.


	23. Stop being a Coward.

Lexa sat in the back of the taxi, staring out of the window. She contemplated her surroundings and thought it strange how 2 weeks ago they were so foreign. Now as she looked around her everything seemed familiar, familiar and filled with meaning too. She caught the eyes of the driver as she continued her introspection, and there was a sudden unexpected recollection.

“You’re the idiot driver that left me at the bottom of the road.”

The driver blinked, obviously uncomfortable and clearly hoping that she had forgotten all about him. Today was not his lucky day.

“You managed to get your car to the house today didn’t you!?”

The man began spluttering, wildly flailing around trying to find any possible justification for his actions. Lexa enjoyed his discomfort for a short while, before deciding that the journey back would be unbearable if she allowed this to continue.

“Just say sorry and be done with it man!”

“I deeply apologise, I don’t have really know why I did it, really long day, all the horrible weather, it's not something I would ever do usually. Please don’t report me, I’ll lose my job.”

His wittering was worse than the wordless noises of a few moments before.

“Enough! You’re lucky I have had a good holiday, we will say no more about it.”

Luckily that did put an end do his conversation, though retrospectively Lexa realised that now she was left again to her own thoughts. She wondered at her generosity with the man, with her own words she had confessed it came from the happiness this holiday had left her with. She was happy, yes of course she felt low at leaving, but actually she was still happy.

Her happiness had not merely been born out of proximity to the blonde, but her whole disposition had changed. Where she came to the UK feeling almost nihilistic about life, she was leaving with much more hope. So too her feelings about herself were so very different. It wasn’t that she had not thought of Costia this week, which was of course true, but it wasn't merely that she had been distracted actually she really didn’t value or care for her opinion, not any more.

Clarke had peeled her back, stripped her down, forced her to reveal herself. Lexa had spent most of her adult life trying to avoid this very thing, after all, if people didn’t know you really then they could never truly reject you, only reject whatever version of yourself you happened to be displaying at that time. The blonde had left her defenceless resigned to show her true self. Lexa always believed she was a hard person to love, but Clarke made it look so easy.

So yes, this fortunate driver was benefitting from her new-found happiness, and Lexa was managing to realise that whatever she did from here on out, she was already a changed person, there was no going back to who she was before. She was certainly glad of that.

They drove silently before coming to a familiar fork in the road, Lexa’s eyes were drawn to that unremarkable lay-by where Clarke had parked her car twice before. In the field beyond she could see a family out for a walk, it was as though her heart cracked in two.

She was an absolute idiot, and a coward to boot. She had left that beautiful family without being honest with them. Thinking of Clarke, proclaiming her love and being met with rejection, yet still staying with her…she certainly could not have done the same. She needed to tell them, she needed to sort all this out before she left for LA, there was literally no other option.

She felt the tears begin to stream down her face, and she laughed at the nonsense of it all. She came all this way to escape her feelings and had them unleashed instead. She wiped her cheeks, her mind made up, strengthened by her new clarity of purpose.

“Turn around please.”

The stunned driver glanced in his rear mirror to check if she was serious.

“Did you say turn around.”

“Yes, I said turn around, I need to go back, I’m not leaving today.”

“Oooh, well you see madam, I’m not sure I can actually turn around here, you know these country roads they’re a little bit treacherous.”

“Seriously? Don’t make me change my mind about reporting you.”

Apparently that did the trick and the driver made a wildly dangerous U-turn which Lexa would usually have been deeply disapproving of, but anything literally anything that would get her back to Aden and Charlotte and Clarke, Clarke, the beautiful women whom she loved.

As the car pulled near the drive she bolted to the door, having let the driver know to unload all of her belongings and leave them outside, she couldn’t be bothered waiting for such things. Thankfully the door was still unlocked. 

She burst through the door and into the living room, there she was met by two absolute beauties. Aden and Charlotte sat hugging one another watching cartoons on Raven’s TV, the look that they gave Lexa as she appeared would stay with her for the rest of her life. They emanated more joy than the brunette could adequately handle and she crouched low, stretching out her arms for them to come to her.

“LEXA” they both squealed.

Both children jumped on top of her, she over-balanced and tipped to the floor, two heads snuggling into her chest their arms grasping tightly onto her back. She’d never felt and embrace quite like it, and the tears that started in the car once more overtook her.

“My Babies, I know that you are disappointed with Lexa leaving…” The voice floated in from the kitchen and was evidently moving their way. “..but remember what we always say, ‘you must be happy it happened, not sad it ended’ we will always remember when Lexa came to stay. It will always be a very happy memory.” 

Clarke appeared in the room, tears streaking her cheeks, her face blotchy and red from her crying. She saw the pile of humans in the middle of the floor.

“Lexa?”

Lexa sat the children on either side of her, one arm still wrapped around each child. Now she could look up at Clarke and see her clearly.

“You made Mummy really sad when you left.” Charlie informed her.

“Mummy sad.”

With those words Aden clambered to his feet and flung himself at his mother, who was still very much trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

“Lexa, your flight? What are you doing?”

“Charlotte, Aden, I am really sorry about making your Mummy so sad, I’ve come back straight away because I need to fix that, don’t you think so?”

“Yes” they both yelled in unison.

“The thing is kiddos, I just wasn’t feeling very brave. It’s hard sometimes to do the right thing when you are scared. You guys really frighten me.”

“We aren’t scary, are we Mummy?” Charlotte looked to her mother, who shook her head but continued to stare at the brunette beside her daughter.

“No, you aren’t scary like monsters, or dragons or pirates are scary. But, you are all so special that you made me frightened to lose you, because no one wants to lose precious things.”

“I lost Freddy the teddy in a supermarket once, but Mum found him, that was scary for a little bit.”

“Well Charlie, I think you know exactly what I am talking about then. Do you think it would be okay if you and Aden finished watching this cartoon, while I go and try to make those tears disappear from your Mum’s cheek?”

Charlotte nodded with enthusiasm, and Aden ran back to her to get comfortable once more. Lexa laughed softly at how quickly their attention was diverted,She lead Clarke into the kitchen to give them both a little space to talk things through.

She was met by Clarke's lips hungrily chasing hers hands clasping at her hips desperately. Her kisses then wandered down her jaw and neck.

"You came back. I can't believe you came back."

The words spoke of so much more than their momentary separation. The look in those blue eyes and the ferocity of her kisses told Lexa that Clarke had imagined their connection to be over. 

Clarke was still peppering kisses on Lexa's lips, her fingers almost uncomfortably holding her still. Lexa stilled Clarke's movements asking instead for her attention.

"I shouldn't have even considered leaving before telling you the whole truth. I'm sorry I was a coward."

A look of concern shadowed her face, the blonde obviously feeling very vulnerable to disappointment. 

"Lexa, you can tell me anything, I might appear sentimental but I am made from strong stuff, whatever you have to say I know I will be able to cope with it."

Clarke had now made a small but noticeable distance between them. Her eyes flickered to the doorway checking to see if children were about to burst upon them.

"Shit Clarke, I'm doing such a bad job of this, I'm not good at communicating feelings, never have been. That is one of the reasons I was running. I hope very much that what I have to say is a good thing and certainly not a burden to deal with."

That did seem to relax the doctor somewhat, at least to stop checking for children every few moments. Now her attention was solely on Lexa, she appeared to be holding her breath in apprehension. 

"In my head I was trying to protect you all, from those things I couldn't foresee. I didn't want to start something when there are higher risks than just my own feelings at stake.  
That sounds like an excuse, but I'm just trying to explain the buzz in my head. I just know I've never cared this much about getting things right. It all felt too fast to be really thought through."

"Okay" the blonde tried to piece together Lexa's words to find her meaning. "So what's changed? Why come back?"

"Well I realised why I cared so much, why I was so invested.   
The truth is from the moment those kids fell asleep cuddled in my arm feeling them there alongside you, well from then, my heart has not been my own. You three have it."

Finally that beautiful smile returned, Lexa felt she had already gone too long without it.

"I feel better going home, knowing I leave that with you, because I know I will have to return for it. But I couldn't allow you to wonder for a second longer the depth of my affection for you. Clarke I am so in love with you, I'm sorry for not saying it sooner."

The blonde burst into tears laughing out loud and flinging herself into Lexa's embrace.

"I was so scared I was alone in this. Gosh Lexa, way to keep a girl hanging."

"I'm sorry my love, I promise to find as many ways as possible to make it up to you."

Lexa had come back for Clarke, to assure her that her love was returned, but as the blonde buried herself in her arms she realised how much she needed this certainty too. Her heart had settled, no longer thumping wildly, there was no longer any room for doubt. Both women knew that their love was returned, given how the future was fragile and uncertain their mutual confession was a safe haven they could rest in.

“Clarke, I don’t want to start this with one foot out of the door. I will not fail because I was too scared to try. In my head I can only think of one way to do that.”

Lexa was speaking with Clarke’s cheeks still pressed against her chest, no doubt feeling the rumbling vibrations of her voice as she nestled herself into the safety of the brunette, clearly having very little desire to leave.

“I’m a planner, Clarke, I can’t really change that. Obviously I’ve come back, but it can only be until after the new year. I don’t think long distance often works, the only solution I can think of is giving an end point. I think a year sounds reasonable.”

“Mmmm.” Clarke hummed obviously not in the planning frame of mind, more happy instead to just enjoy this moment. “I’m not actually sure what you’re talking about, but I’m not going to let your chatter spoil my moment, what do you mean you’ll give it a year?”

Lexa laughed, Clarke’s determination to remain in the embrace was deeply endearing, though not the most conducive to a serious discussion. 

“So I think we plan this year, me coming here for visits, you and the children coming to me for the summer, Skype calls, whatever, we plan all that out.”

“But only for a year.”

“Well I think in the next year I think I would need to look at how I bring my business over here.”

Finally Clarke resurfaced.

“You would move here? For us?”

“Didn’t you hear what I’ve just been saying? Clarke I am all in. I don’t want to rush things and I know that we need to be careful for the kids. But I don’t want this endless separation hanging over us. We see how we work for the year, then maybe I can do some work over here, spend a bit more time and see where it goes. I mean, I’m obviously not sure how things are going to work out, there’s lots of things to consider, perhaps you wouldn’t want…”

Soft lips silenced Lexa’s decent into a rambling mess. She sighed into the kiss revelling in the feel of the blonde against her, deepening the intensity ever so slightly that she could just bask in this moment of bliss.

“You are such a surprise Woods, I can’t believe 30 minutes ago I thought I would never see you again, and now your here planning a transatlantic move.”

“You thought you wouldn’t see me again?”

Clarke bit her lip and looked momentarily vulnerable. “I worried you were trying to let me down easily.”

Lexa kissed her with renewed vigour, trying to caress away the harm she’d done, even if her words had already managed it. She was going to show this woman just how much she meant to her.

“Can we go pick up Baloo and go for a walk?”

Clarke grinned. “That sounds like a fantastic plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters left, all complete fluffyness...well there hasn't been much of anything else has there.


	24. New Year, New Beginnings.

Anya had just got off the phone with Lexa, who had called because she thought it only polite to make sure that she wasn’t expecting her to arrive on the intended flight only to be worried and confused when she didn’t appear. Anya gratefully received the news that Lexa was staying in England but neglected to mention to her friend that whilst Lexa was not in an airport, currently Anya very much was. All the nicer to possibly meet her and surprise her when she got there.

Raven returned from buying them both a couple of sandwiches and water, and they sat together on those infuriatingly uncomfortable airport seats just delighted to be on this adventure together.

“So Lexa just called.”

“Yeah? She must be waiting for her flight too, I bet she was bummed when she heard that you weren’t going to be there when she got back.”

“Well about that…”

Raven looked up from her sandwich, far more interested by the reporting of this conversation than she had initially thought she would be. 

“You didn’t tell her?”

“Honestly she didn’t give me that much space to talk to tell the truth. She was too busy waxing lyrical about your best friend and her wonderful children.”

“Aawww, they are great though, I’ve missed them more than I thought I would, can’t wait to give them their gifts. Poor Lex having to miss them too now.”

“That’s the thing Raven, she didn’t get on the plane.”

Raven certainly hadn’t seen that coming. Though now that she thought of it, it wasn’t too dissimilar from the situation that her and Anya were in. That situation which Lexa so far knew absolutely nothing about. Well that was certainly going to change.

“How did she react when you told her you were coming?”

Anya pursed her lips and a mischievous smile spread across her features. “I didn’t tell her I was coming.”

“Well that’s certainly going to be a shock.”

****************************************************

Lexa couldn’t have been happier with her decision to stay, there was not a single doubt in her mind that turning back was the right decision. Did she still have questions about the future? Certainly she did, but why she had ever thought that isolating herself was going to be helpful, she had no idea. Sharing her thoughts, plans, worries, hopes and frustrations with Clarke was truly a revelation. Even in her longterm relationships she now realised she tended towards making decisions by herself, but talking through things with the extremely wise young doctor was the most sensible thing she could do to help her deliberations. 

They had had spent most of yesterday just goofing around, the walk with Baloo was as successful as the first, if not more so. Lexa really couldn’t believe how the children sucked you into their world, it felt as though she was an old friend, the jokes they had shared on first meeting were now repeated so often that it felt like she was just part of the furniture.

Aden was particularly adorable finding as many pine cones as possible, each and every one he picked up and offered up to Lexa. 

“Here, have a bon bon.”

Then he would just burst into a fit of giggles and run away. Again and again he brought random objects to Lexa with the same refrain. Lexa could listen to his infectious laughter all day long, which was handy because he did not grow tired of that joke one bit.

The rest of the day was spent at Clarke’s house, Charlotte showed Lexa the new bike that she had been given for Christmas, this one did not have stabilisers and Charlie was so keen to learn so that she ‘could be a big girl’. Lexa took her out for what little time they had left before the sun set, she promised her some more time the following day.

Bed time was manic, but brilliant. Lexa had the opportunity to just watch Clarke in her element with the kids, they were bathed and teeth brushed with lots of opportunity for further laughter. Without a doubt Lexa’s favourite part was the bedtime story though. The brunette did detect a slight pink hue to Clarke’s cheek as she threw herself into a dramatic reading. Her voice boomed as a dragon and cackled beautifully for the friendly witch. Each character she managed to imbue a frantic silliness and the kids quite clearly adored this time spent with their Mum.

Clarke and Lexa curled together on the coach, each with a glass of wine, sinking into one another, completely relaxed. Eventually they both became too tired to stay awake and the blonde took Lexa by the hand leading her to the bedroom. For the first time since her decision to stay Lexa felt a little nervous, she hadn’t really thought about sharing a bed with Clarke when the kids were around.

“What about in the morning? I can just sleep in the spare room.”

“Babe, I’m not going to ask you to do something that you don’t feel comfortable with, but for my perspective, if we’re serious about being together then there’s little point in hiding things from them. They already know that you are something different to Octavia and Raven.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am sure, you are not just a casual hook-up, they will be fine with the change. But I understand if you aren’t ready for that step.”

Lexa stepped forward and took the blonde’s hand, pulling her into the bedroom. Sharing a bed with Clarke was a complete dream. She had suspected that sharing her space would be a problem after Costia had left her side empty for so long. She and Clarke fit together so well though, and Lexa felt happier there, than anywhere else.

In the end Lexa was not entirely sure whether she made the right decision at all, if she were in the spare room she certainly wouldn’t be in her current predicament. It was 6am, and she could hardly breath, a heavy weight crushing her chest.

“It’s morning!!” Aden cried once more jumping up again straight onto Lexa who was already winded from the first couple of times.

“Morning baby boy” Clarke smiled at her son, apparently no sympathy for the brunette. “You’ll learn quickly to keep those stomach muscles tensed babe.”

Lexa laughed with what little breath she still had. She decided that if she had to be woken earlier than she’d intended, well, this was the best way. Aden’s excitement for the day was infectious he certainly started the day with a bang. Clarke cuddled into Lexa's side, she was a lot more sleepy in the morning than her son. She nuzzled her way under Lexa’s arm and smiled up at the giggly little man who was talking a mile a minute to a dazed looking Lexa.

“Where we going Mummy?”

“We’re picking up Auntie Raven today. But we’ve got time for breakfast first.”

Aden jumped on Lexa again for good measure. “I’m hungry, Mum.”

“Aden shall we go and fix breakfast, while your Mum grabs a shower?”

The question was meant with enthusiastic nodding from the excitable young man and a warm smile from Clarke. So without further discussion Aden was bundled into the brunette’s arms and carried downstairs into the kitchen, chattering all the way.

Charlotte had joined them just before they began cracking eggs for the omelette, so of course she wanted to join in, running straight to the sink to wash her hands before she Lexa could even try and dissuade her. Most of the egg ended up in the bowl, and Lexa was now really good at picking out shell with a fork.

Without doubt the children were more a hindrance than a help in the kitchen, yet Lexa had quickly decided that it was a much more fun experience and certainly her preference on a lazy morning. Clarke had joined them just in time, she seemed to have a knack for that. Perhaps it was some innate ability to know what her children were up to, whatever the reason, it was pretty amazing.

So now the group found themselves in the car on the way to the airport, the kids proving once again just how quickly they could turn from angels to little monsters.

“Is it something about the car?” Lexa questioned.

Charlotte was complaining that Aden had hit her again, and currently his toy dinosaur was sat in her lap, taken hostage because of his misbehaviour. The little boy made sure to voice his disapproval at the situation…loudly.

“Well I guess it is the enclosed space. It doesn’t always happen, but honestly more often than not.”

Clarke flicked through her music until she got to the Disney songs, that apparently did the trick, Charlotte was quickly singing along to the Moana soundtrack, the apparent villainy of her brother long forgotten. Aden joined in singing odd words and mumbling the rest, it was extremely cute. 

“They’re quite the rollercoaster aren’t they?”

Clarke laughed as she spun the wheel round a particularly tight corner. Her eyes constantly fixed on the road ahead.

“Yeah they really are, some days you flick between despair and elation so many times your head is spinning by the end. But it still comes out massively in the positive, well, for me anyway.”

“I have no trouble believing that Clarke.”

Arriving at the airport Lexa wondered if she should have offered to collect Raven alone, but both Aden and Charlie were buzzing with excitement to see Raven again, they had made a welcome home sign…well, that perhaps was mostly Charlotte but there were a few colourful scribbles here and there which were likely the younger sibling's contribution.

It was lucky that they had arrived early because even with the combined energy of Clarke and Lexa they had their hands full, privately Lexa just marvelled at how well Clarke had been doing raising them alone. They stood in arrivals waiting for Raven, the kids momentarily occupied with a gingerbread man each.

********************************

Raven had eyes for no-one else on the flight, it probably wasn’t only for the duration of the flight if truth be told. She was really struggling with her impulse control, the overwhelming desire to just stare at Anya all the time and bask in how lucky she got.

“Raven!? I asked you whether it was okay for me to bring a book, now I try and read it and your just watching me.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining, you can read for the whole flight, but I am allowed to watch you aren’t I? Didn’t you just call me your girlfriend when that co-pilot gave me a little wink as we boarded?”

Anya’s tiny display of jealousy was absolutely adorable, and hearing the word ‘girlfriend’ fall from her lips was the icing on the cake. She hadn’t let Anya forget about it since. Anya was not pleased at the reminder however and pouted her lips.

“I only have eyes for you, so you don’t need to worry, but it does have the unfortunate side-effect that now you are trying to read and my eyes, well, they still want you.”

Anya laughed. “You are ridiculous Raven.”

Anya gave up on reading her book, clearly Raven was not going to pass up any opportunity to talk to her, and Anya wouldn’t have it any other way. Why would she spend the flight reading when actually she could be talking to the beauty beside her.

“So, what is the plan for this evening?”

“Clarke has invited me round to hers, there will be a few people there, if we come to her she doesn’t need to worry about a babysitter, so it is a win win.”

“Are you sure that it will be okay for me to come too though?” 

“Absolutely, Clarke doesn’t know yet obviously, but I can tell you now, once she finds out about us there will be no escape for you. She will want to know, everything.”

Anya shifted in her seat, obviously uncomfortable at the thought, Raven too was a little nervous about meeting Lexa. It was weird, she had lived in her house for two weeks and fallen in love with her best friend, in many ways she felt like she knew too much about her given that they have never actually met. But there was no point worrying about it, because they would all meet soon enough.

********************************

“Mum, is that one Raven?”

“Charlie she has blue hair?!”

“Raven might have gone to the hairdresser it while she was away.”

“I suppose she could have honey, but I don’t think she’s grown four inches as well.”

The gingerbread men were long gone now, and everyone was getting a little restless. Well Lexa, bless her, was having quite a good work out as she switched between her cardio workout; chasing Aden through the crowds as he continued his many impressions of the great escape. To stop the escaping she had her strength training portion of the work out; throwing Aden into the air and catching him. Clarke looked on in wondering just how long she could keep all this going.

“There she is Mummy!”

It was about the fourth time she had ‘spotted’ Raven, so you can forgive Clarke for not instantly responding to the apparent sighting of their elusive friend.

“Charlie, Aden, how are my two favourite dudes?”

“Oh Raven it is you!”

Clarke joined the cuddle that had begun the moment Raven had come within arms reach of the children, the four of them all huddled together enjoying the reunion. Lexa was watching on, enjoying the moment, seeing Clarke so happy to greet her friend. Then her eyes drifted to just beyond Raven to the woman stood awkwardly just to one side, clearly near enough to be with Raven but not comfortable with the level of intimacy of the group hug.

“Anya? What the hell are you doing here?”

Lexa closed the gap between her and her friend, drawing her into a hug, there own reunion slightly less demonstrative than the others, but no less sincere because of it.

“Why are you here? When did you decide to come? What exactly is going on.”

The arrival of Anya had completely floored Lexa who just continued asking questions all of which were very similar and none of which she actually allowed any room for an answer.

“It’s nice to see you too Lexa!” Anya drawled.

“I’m sorry, wow it is amazing to see you, I’m really really happy, but I am equally confused. Have you come to bring me back?”

Lexa laughed at that final question, and finally stopped her interrogation to breath. Raven, Clarke and the kids had finally disentangled and were now looking between the two friends, Clarke obviously similarly confused at the situation. Clarke’s social etiquette much better than Lexa’s however.

“Hi, I am Clarke. And I am guessing you are Anya? It is lovely to meet you, this one has told me quite a bit about you,” She shoved Lexa lightly. “And from the lingering looks I have already seen from this one, I think I am going to be hearing about you from her too.” This time Clarke gave Raven a nod of the head.

Lexa just looked between Raven and Anya, evidently not as quick on the uptake as Clarke was.

“You two? Do you mean that…Can someone just please let me know what the heck is going on?”

Raven and Anya gave a quick retelling of how they met over in LA and exactly what had led to Anya buying a plane ticket to come home with Raven.

“That’s very romantic.” Charlotte said as she peered out from behind her mothers legs. She had become instantly shy when Anya’s presence became known, so too had Aden who was seeking safety in his mother’s arms. Lexa watched the kids with interest not having seen this side of them before, they always spoke a mile a minute when she had seen them.

Once they were finished with the stories of how they all got to the airport they began walking back to the car. It was only as Clarke was paying for the parking that the thought obviously struck her.

“Oh fu…for goodness sake.” She looked to see if the kids had noticed her almost slip. “There are six of us now and I’ve only got a 5-seater.”

Luckily everyone was in such good humour that nobody minded at all that they couldn’t all travel in the same car. There was quite a lot of haggling though over how they would solve the lack-of-seating problem. Raven and Anya were all for sticking together, and privately Lexa agreed that it would probably make the most sense given that they could then just head to their respective residences, but Clarke was having absolutely none of it.

“Rae, I want to catch up with you, it’s been two weeks, and apparently a lot has change in that time, the kids want to see you and we weren’t going to just let you go home and see you no more anyway.”

“Well obviously I want to catch up with my little munchkins, I also might have something in my suitcase for you guys.”

“Yay presents!” Charlotte cried, the good news allowing her to forget all about her shyness for the time being, apparently it worked for Aden too.

“Present for me?”

“Yeah buddy I’ve got something for you. We’ll get it out when we get back to my house okay?”

So finally it was decided that Raven would go with Clarke and the kids, Lexa and Anya would get a taxi and meet them in the same place. As they went to part both couples leant in to share a quick kiss with their respective girlfriend, and the foursome all ended feeling a little embarrassed at how domestic they were.

***************************

“I can’t believe that you had the nerve to lecture me on the phone about my naked a…erm, about my leisure activities when apparently you were doing exactly the same thing on the other end.”

Raven was so relieved to be having this discussion in the car with the kids, Clarke had to be far more restrained than she would otherwise have been. The brunette wasn’t completely sure what answers she had to a lot of potential questions, her and Anya’s relationship was so very new and equally unexpected.

“Erm, I’ll have you know that I was absolutely not doing what you are thinking thank you very much. That thing…hasn’t happened yet if you insist on asking. Honestly Clarke I hardly know whether I am coming or going, everything has happened so quickly, the only thing I know for certain is that I don’t want to get off the ride. Also I didn’t lecture you on the phone, I actually lectured Lexa, but it was meant for you.”

“Lexa told me all about it, so you don’t need to rehash all that.” 

Raven rolled her eyes at Clarke, perhaps she was only joking about how distressed she was by the defilement of her home, but still, she wasn’t sure at all what was going on between Clarke and Lexa, which was a concern. The blonde and her kids were her family, blood be damned, her first priority was to protect them. Sometimes Clarke needed protecting from herself most of all.

“I might not need to remind you again that you will be paying for my home to get a deep, very deep, cleaning. But still what the heck are you playing at with Lexa?”

“Yay! Lexa! Auntie Rae Rae, Lexa is my new best friend, she taught me to make omelette today, and I’m an expert now, and she is helping me ride my big-girl bike again today, she promised.”

“Love Lexa” Aden chirped from the back.

Raven’s eyebrows now firmly stuck in her hairline she looked between the kids and their mother.

“Well I see all three of you are equally enthralled.”

Clarke’s eyes took on a glassy look, and she sighed carefree and lightly through a wide smile.

“Raven, she’s just so…fantastic, so fantastic, in so many ways.” Another soft sigh and even more heart-eyes were enough to tell Raven that the blonde was in very deep indeed. She dropped her voice slightly trying to avoid little prying ears.

“What’s happened with the kids, they hate strangers? How many gifts did she have to drop to get that emphatic response?”

“I don’t know what to tell you Rae, they just loved her instantly, just like me. I know how stupid it all sounds, but it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, like nothing I even knew to even hope for.”

Raven sighed too, but hers was much more concerned than carefree, she would have to keep a careful eye on this situation, since Clarke was too bewitched to be objective.

“Anyway, Raven, you very cleverly changed the subject. You literally just arrived with a lover in tow that I never even knew about. How long is she staying for? What’s the deal?”

“Clarke I have no plans to speak of, like I said. I’m flying by the seat of my pants here, and absolutely loving the view I might add.

They didn’t say much more of consequence, pretty soon Charlotte was asking Raven 101 questions about her trip, that in turn became the kids trying to guess what gifts were waiting for them in their auntie’s luggage. 

**********************************

“How could you not tell me? You were literally at the airport when I rang?”

Anya smiled sardonically, greatly enjoying Lexa’s petulance. They behaved more like sisters than anything else, sisters that loved each other very much, but who argued like cats and dogs.

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest resolutely, she hated surprises, and her best friend neglecting to tell her that she was going to be flying in and appearing in this very fragile situation she had going on, let’s just say that it didn’t delight her.

“Lexa grow up, I’m not hear to ruin your sexcapade or whatever it is you’ve got going on. Look I really like Raven, I mean really like her. I get that you need to get Costia out of our system and if Clarke is helping you do that great stuff. But honestly I really see something with Raven, or at least I’d really like to see a future with Raven. You can have your fun, but don't make it awkward when you do leave.”

Lexa honestly didn’t know where to start with all that, offence was probably the most prominent emotion currently. Anya had managed to completely misunderstand the situation with Clarke and she certainly was not happy about her assumptions. But then she made mistakes about Lexa’s motives frequently the revelation about Raven was something she’d never seen from Anya before. Sure she liked Ontari, she had talked about how gorgeous and talented she was, about how she thought she was lucky she ever gave her the time of day. (A sentiment not shared at all by Lexa.) But Anya had never spoken futures with anyone, honestly Lexa had just assumed she wasn’t the settling down type.

“Anya, I think it’s really exciting that you’ve found someone, but before you say something that really gets on my bad side, you need to know there is absolutely no way Clarke is Costia related. She isn’t an adventure, or some brief fun, I think she is my endgame.”

“Wow, slow down Lexa you’ve only known her like 2 weeks?”

That managed to add insult to injury and Lexa’s calm facade was about to crack. 

“Rich coming from you, you’ve known Raven the same amount of time care to tell me the difference?”

“You seriously have to ask? I thought you always thought things through? What’s the difference? I saw two very big differences walking, but not talking much, next to their mother. Don’t try to tell me that two kids doesn’t complicate things.”

Lexa hadn’t expected her friends arrival, so she certainly had not been anticipating defending her relationship with Clarke in such a way. She had been nervously awaiting ‘the best friend talk’ from Raven, but this was a different thing altogether.

“I don’t know what to tell you, my feelings for Clarke and the future, it isn’t because of her kids, of course not, but it isn’t in spite of them either. They’re all lumped together almost into one entity and I just, I love it. They were quiet at the airport, but just you wait until they get going, you’ll love them, God knows I do.”

Anya didn’t look all that convinced, she looked confused if anything, which Lexa didn’t find helpful. Perhaps though it was best for everyone that Anya had come back with her. Explaining this situation without introductions would be almost impossible. Anya was staying for a while so there was ample opportunity for her to see what was really going on.

**********************************

Both couples were glad to be reunited at Raven’s cottage, both pairs gravitating to each other like some sort of magnetic force, the difficult car conversations aside, everyone was delighted to be sharing this experience together.

“Okay Rae, Anya, we’re going to head back to mine and get set up for tonight. You guys get some sleep, gather your energy for this evening…Aden, Charlie come say goodbye.”

Lots of hugs were exchanged even though it was only going to be a matter of hours before they all met again. Aden and Charlie in particular wanted to stay and play with Auntie Raven, even if they still were a little suspicious of Anya. Eventually they managed to pry them away and bundle them back into the car.

“So, Raven wasn’t fully onboard with this thing we’ve got going on.” Said Clarke a few moments after pulling the car away.

“Anya was the same way.”

Clarke seemed quite crestfallen, which Lexa hated to see.

“Babe, I am not worried. I honestly don’t care about anyone’s opinion. I love you, I love Charlie and Aden too, that doesn’t change. Also, I understand why they are hesitant give them a little bit of time to come round to the idea, to see us together. Perhaps they’ll change their mind. Even if they don’t, what matters is that we are on the same page.”

Lexa put her hand over Clarke’s as she shifted gears, she didn’t remove it for the entirety of their journey, it was all the reassurance that Clarke needed.

Clarke was an organised person, perhaps not to the extent of Lexa, but being a single mother and a full-time doctor demanded an insane amount of juggling and coordination. Everything that they needed for tonight’s new year gathering was already well in hand. She did have a few last minute things to do.

Lexa had spent the last 90 minutes outside with Charlotte dutifully helping her ride her bike. Each attempt was getting slightly less wobbly and the young girl was very proud of her improvement. Once more the light began to fail them and so they were forced back inside. Lexa tried her best to keep the kids occupied for Clarke who was buzzing around, kissing Lexa's cheek and checking in with the kids as she came and went. 

“Okay kiddos, we’ve got to get the games out for tonight, who’s doing to help me?”

Both were more than happy to help, and Charlie lead the way showing Lexa exactly where they kept all the different games, there were quite a few to choose from. Charlie and Aden carried a game each while Lexa was piled high with the rest.

“Okay so we’ve got the games, I think we should probably just test a few to see that they are working, what do you think?”

“YAY!” They both shouted full of excitement.

They started their test run playing Hungry Hippos which Aden was particularly happy about, the results were frantic and Lexa was surprised just how competitive the kids were. They weren’t half bad either. One game turned into 2 and then 3, they had lost count by the time their Mum walked in placing a few bowls of snacks around the room.

“Sorry, do you need me to give you a lift with that?”

“You are doing a great job here, keeping everyone happy and occupied.” Clarke caressed Lexa’s shoulder and planted a kiss on her forehead when she looked up at her.

“Charlotte, have you played your favourite game with Lexa yet?”

Charlotte began giddily jumping up and down, then hastily searching through the boxes for the one that she wanted.

“Lexa, Lexa, will you play 'Doh Nutters' with me now?”

The brunette couldn’t help but laugh at just how enthusiastic the little girl was.

“I would love to play, I don’t know that one though is it difficult?”

Clarke laughed ominously as she left the room, just as Charlotte pulled 4 elephant masks from the box. 

When Raven and Anya reappeared it was to the sight of Lexa leant over a table, hands behind her back, trying to hook plastic doughnuts onto her newly acquired trunk. She was in fits of laughter, and the two children, who had long since discarded their own masks were trying to scupper all her attempts. Aden had thrown himself on her back, arms around the brunette’s neck fingers tangling in her hair. Charlotte had found Lexa's ticklish spot around her tummy and was trying to use this to her advantage.

Raven and Anya were watching from the doorway, amused and shocked in equal amounts. Eventually Anya coughed loudly, in an attempt to get Lexa’s attention. It only got Aden’s who let go of Lexa and hid behind her. Lexa looked up to see the two friends. She gave Aden a cuddle and drew him out of his hiding place in her hair.

“Aden buddy, can I show you my best friend in the whole world? She’s really cool and she has been friends with me for a long time.”

Aden nodded but still would not say a word.

“Anya this is Aden, he is very funny and at the moment he wants to drive tractors when he grows up.”

“Tractors” Aden, agreed.

“Aden, this is Anya, she helped me get really good at riding my motorbike, you like motorbikes don’t you Aden.”

Aden nodded even more furiously than before. “I have a bwue one and a wed one. What’s your colour?”

“I have a black bike, but it has got a tiny bit of blue on it too.”

“Can I see it?” Aden left Lexa’s arms and moved towards Anya.  
“I have a picture on my phone.”

That was it then, Aden happily scrolled through the pictures on Anya’s phone asking a multitude of different questions, which Anya tried her best to keep up with. Charlotte joined in eventually too, especially when they found pictures of the Christmas lights and Auntie Raven.

“Lexa, are those lights near your house? Can we see them when we come to see you?” Charlotte asked, absolutely beaming.

“Well we need to talk to your Mum of course, but we did think perhaps Christmas with me next year, so you know we might get to do exactly that.”

“MUMMMM!” Charlotte ran from the room, determined to pin down her Mum immediately. Aden always loved a good run around the house so he too was soon hot on her trails. That left the three adults alone in the room together.

“Damn Woods, I’ve never seen those kids warm up to anyone like that, I’m impressed.”

True to her word, Lexa still didn’t care about Raven’s opinion, but she did hold hope that perhaps they might be beginning to see the truth of the situation.

********************************

The party was well underway now, Anya and Raven had been glued to one another’s side for the entire night, Raven took great delight in introducing her to all of her friends, Anya was obviously less enthused by the situation, but was doing remarkably well. Eventually Anya decided to extricate herself from the brunette’s hip, to get another drink for the two of them, using the opportunity to have a little time with Lexa, and leaving Raven in the company of her friends.

“Raven! Happiness looks so good on you, honestly you look absolutely magnificent. Also that girl on your arm is hot, even if I don’t swing that way myself she would certainly make me think twice.”

Raven laughed at Octavia’s playful nonsense, the three of them, with Clarke included, were the very best of friends and they could pretty much say whatever they wanted to one another.

“She is amazing, and honestly I feel so different, not just with her but with myself. I feel like that time away really helped me find myself again, she is just the icing on the cake, I can’t say I am not delighted.”

Raven and Octavia caught up on all the business of Christmas, what had happened, what presents were exchanged, what family had fought, all the usual stuff. They were interrupted when they heard Clarke’s laugh echoing in from the other room. Through the doorway they could see her holding court amidst a large group of their friends. She was obviously telling some sort of funny anecdote that the crowd was enjoying. Lexa stood in quiet adoration at her side, one arm flung around her waist.

“I’ve not seen her laugh like that since…well.. you know, since…”

“Since my brother you mean? Don’t worry you can say it I’m not going to break. Yeah I know she hasn’t, when I first heard about Lexa I saw the change, before she had even walked into the pub Griff was different. Honestly Rae, I can hardly believe it.”

Raven stayed still, quietly observing the pair from afar, still deep in thought.

“I’m just worried about her, you know?”

“Of course I know Rae, but honestly sometimes this is how it happens. Look at you and Anya, don’t tell me it didn’t happen instantly for you two too?”

“Yeah I know that, but Clarke has a lot more to lose, so much more to consider…”

“Those kids fell faster than Clarke did Raven, I’ve never seen anything like it. I don’t think Lexa is faking it either, she seems really to care about them as well. Did you see Aden have that meltdown before bed? It would have been enough to put anyone off, yet Lexa didn’t even go get his Mum, she managed to calm him down and get him to bed, like a bloody magician.”

Anya returned, so the conversation moved on, Octavia was glad of the opportunity to get to know more about the girl who had put the zip back in the engineer so there was plenty to talk about.

“Get ready for the countdown people!”

It was almost midnight, the whole party was gathered together in Clarke’s large living room, where the countdown in London was playing on the television. Clarke and Lexa were curled into a corner of the couch together, obviously a little tired from a day of hard work. Raven and Anya stood by the TV, Anya holding her from behind, her chin resting softly on Raven’s shoulder.

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!”

four people, two couples, all lost in that one same wonderful feeling of love. Soft kisses exchanged, lips locked together, eyes gazing, searching faces and whispering promises. Whatever they had expected this holiday season to bring, they had discovered so much more, and this new year held so much wonderful promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, time got away from me. Christmas was a little mental, I suppose in a good way.
> 
> This is a little bit longer than the other chapters though, so hopefully that makes up for it slightly.
> 
> I was planning an epilogue...if people think so, I think I'm just constantly wondering how things resolve themselves...but it might just be me, obviously the film just ends.
> 
> A paper over here wrote an article a few days ago about The Holiday, it's super dark...  
> [This is not what I had in mind for our wonderful Heda](https://www.mirror.co.uk/film/incredibly-chilling-fan-theory-kate-21170294)


End file.
